A CHOICE THAT MATTERED
By Jery Althaf-12M34
At last, the day of the test arrived. I prayed to God not to get a good rank for medicine, else my parents would force me to follow through, and I didn’t want to oppose them. But I had no clue whether I would score well in engineering. I ended up performing averagely in both exams. Any Indian graduate especially in Kerala dreams of becoming a doctor. My parents pressured me to opt for medicine as a career. I recently happened to read George Orwell’s “Shooting an elephant”. Just as Orwell, an imperialist officer who hated imperialism had a dilemma; I too because of my parents was in a similar situation.
The issue of moral dilemma and question of choice always come before us. Life places us in different scenarios, where we have to take a choice that influences our life a lot thereafter. Orwell had to take a decision whether to shoot a mad elephant or not. He did not want to shoot it, but external factors made him act against his values.
Yes, the instance of moral dilemma did happen to me too. It could have totally changed where I am and what I am: it could have changed my dreams and my life drastically. Any dilemma is a question that requires you to invest your time, your thoughts and then act. Act only when you are sure: when you are sure of what you believe, then you shall never repent for your choice and you shall never question your identity. You will lose yourself once you have succumbed to the pressure of society. In fact, I actually did. And by fate and God’s grace, I had a narrow escape: God knew it was not the right path for me. I knew it, too, but sometimes wearing a mask becomes important when it’s for love, survival or persuasion, In Orwell’s case I felt it was due to persuasion and his image. In the year 2005, I joined the vacation batch of a reputed coaching centre to train for medical entrance examinations. My parents took the admission for me as I personally had no choices then because I was quite disappointed with the results of my tenth standard. Even though I had a lower grade I was able to join the science stream. I performed well enough in my coaching class, but I never expected to crack the exam in the first go: it is rare that someone in vacation batch clear the medical entrance.
Two years later, after the intermediate exams, I had my final sessions for the coaching and was ready to go. In India we seek professional college admission after the Intermediate exams. I had put the best of my efforts that year and had gained a fair bit of understanding of Physics, Chemistry and Biology. It was then I became aware that the choice that I will take right after the entrance exam would define what I would eventually become. I contemplated the matter deeply: I never wanted to be a doctor and I realized that I was doing something stupid by studying and preparing for medicine.
I expressed my wish to shift to the engineering batch to my parents. There was a huge quarrel between us. My parents wants me to be a doctor as they felt it is a profession that receives lot of respect, but I wanted to engineering because I felt I can have more options after engineering and I don’t want to be in a medical profession. They suggested that I continue with medical entrance, saying it was too late to shift. I had no choice but to go with their interests: I studied in a relaxed mode, but tried my hand at some math too, so I could attempt the engineering exam as well. I was still sure that I didn’t want to be a doctor.
And that day came; the result of the entrance examination was announced. My father called me with mixed emotions to tell my rank: Engineering #485 and Medicine #976. Hurray! This was exactly the result I dreamed about. I never expected to score that well in engineering: I was taking that exam for the first time. My father was a bit disappointed with my medical result, but was still happy that I overall had done better than expected.
Now the situation before me was that I had a chance of getting into a medical college, but I also had a very good rank for admission into a state engineering college. My parents compelled me to opt for medicine. Just as George Orwell was being pressured by his status as a Britisher and the people willing him to shoot the elephant, I was pressured to opt against my choice by external expectations. In the ensuing days, wherever we went the topic was heatedly discussed, whether it was in front of relatives, friends or even strangers. I felt like a victim standing in the witness box at court. Everyone insisted that I choose medicine, but even though I got no support, I was determined to join engineering. I was cajoled with many gifts, including a brand new motorcycle, which could shake any teenager’s mind. There was also a national biotechnology scholarship waiting for me, as I had scored 99% in biology. Due to this excitement from my parents and society, somewhere in my mind, I moved away from what I really wanted.
Finally, it was time to select my choices for different colleges. Everyone badly wanted me to choose medical colleges. And as Orwell chose against his wishes, I did, too. I gave my choices for medical colleges. In truth, I was really dissatisfied, but I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of the society missing out a chance which they all claimed as a “golden”. Also, I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I felt guilty and was not sure of whether I did the right thing or not. I consoled myself by saying it is good for one to make compromises for someone who cares for them, and I hoped there would be something good waiting for me. However, I knew that that was a decision that was not mine.
And then, it happened: the incident that changed my life and fortune forever, for which I still thank God. I never would have been in this place had it not happened. Two days after I made my choice for colleges, the choices were cancelled by the government due to some issues with the private colleges. I was overwhelmed with the news, perhaps the happiest person to hear it. I realized that I was getting a second chance and was determined that I would not make a mistake again. Two days was time enough to convince me of what I should be doing and what I should not be doing. After a few days we had to give our choices again. This time, I was able to convince my parents because I had a firm and clear decision, a choice that I really wanted, and an option from self. And I gave options for engineering alone.
Even after I got enrolled into the college, relatives, friends and even my parents were discussing the choices that I had. They kept asking me “Are you satisfied with your option?” I assured them I was content, just because I did what I felt was best for me. Just as Orwell faced in the aftermath, when one take a decision suggested by the society, society is always going to question that. I was accepted into one of the best engineering colleges in Kerala: four years of adventure and a life full of drama at college. Not just that a job offer immediately after college. After this incident, I ensured that I made decisions based on what I felt was best for me. I realized the importance of being true to oneself, the value of living up to what one’s heart wants. If Orwell had taken a choice that he felt was right, he might have felt a lot content.
Now, years later, I know I had made the right choice. I have travelled a long way. I have made a difference by getting into the Young India Fellowship. I achieved many milestones in my journey. Perhaps that gave me an identity. Now even my relatives think my choice was better. If they have a doubt about my choice, they don’t have it anymore.

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