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A Learning Experience

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Submitted By kristenadeau
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Face flushed, heart pounding, brain racing, and stomach in a knot; I’ve lied before, but when caught lying this is how my body reacts. When feelings of guilt and remorse take over I know I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve also been lied to before and feelings of anger and betrayal are quick to respond. Knowing how I feel when caught lying and how I feel when lied to, one major question arises; why lie? Like a small child who learns they will get burned touching a hot stove, a liar needs to learn how others respond to being lied to. By definition the word “learn” means “to gain knowledge or understanding of or skill in by study, instruction, or experience” (“Learn” def. 1). At a young age my parents told me lying was wrong, but it wasn’t until I experienced being caught that it imprinted in my brain. Lies may serve different types of purposes, however, no matter what the purpose, as a whole, I view lying as a learning experience.
Categorizing lies based on their purpose helps me understand why a person might lie. Judith Viorst did an excellent job of categorizing lies in her essay “The Truth about Lying.” She presented four categories: “social lies” (314), “peace - keeping lies” (315), “protective lies” (316), and “trust - keeping lies” (317). However, there are many places where lies would fit into more than one category. When I took a look at lies that I have been told and have told, I realized that many fell into Viorst’s category of “social lies” (314) as well as another she presented. Thus, I would drop the category of “social lies” (314) and would add societal lies, or lies that are told strictly by society. Such as the idea of Santa Claus being real, girls having to be skinny, and even advertisement lies; for example, “this new 2012 Hyundai Elantra is the best car out there!” The revision I have made of Viorst’s categories are based on what purpose the liar has for the lie, whether it is to protect oneself, protect another, or conform to society.
Whether lies have a good intent or not, when I find out I have been lied to I feel betrayed. I begin to wonder what else the liar could have told me that wasn’t true. My trust for that person significantly changes because I never know if I can believe what they tell me. Even when I am a third – party person in the situation and I become aware of the lie, it affects me. Relationships may never be the same or may cease to exist. I would rather hear the brutal truth, than a lie. So what would it take for liars to stop lying? Well, I know what it took for me. Lying, as I had mentioned earlier, is a learning experience. Personally, I used to lie all the time for different reasons, whether it was to protect myself or to protect my friends. It was not until I lied and was confronted by one of the closest people in my life that I decided that lying was not the way to go about things. People can change and to do so they need to be confronted and told it is wrong. People may continue to lie until caught and given consequences. If the consequences are influential enough to the liar, for me - losing my friend, then there is a good chance that a person may not tell this particular lie again. Similar to the idea of Tim Mazur’s third perspective on lying, “utilitarian ethics”; the liar must weigh out the consequences (2). However, in this case the decision is used for lying in the future, rather than deciding to lie at that particular moment. Lying has different purposes, but when it comes down to it, the purpose is not going to change those feelings of betrayal felt by the person receiving the lie. The truth may hurt, but not as much as a lie would. To understand that lying is wrong it needs to be experienced. It wasn’t until I lost a friend’s trust that I learned that lying was wrong. I suggest the next time you become aware of a liar, do everyone a favor and confront him or her, because you never know, someday that person may be living in the White House thinking he or she can get away with lying.

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