Addie--I first want to congratulate you on your execution of the second person. I believe that it helped the story in both engaging the reader and giving your main character a distinct voice. One moment in particular was on page 3, “Now, cold under his thin sheets, you think you should not have. You don’t yet have the words to describe it; those will come in a few weeks, after a night of drunken Googling and tearful reflection.” In this moment, the second person narrative shows a pivotal moment in her character development. The two aspects of the story that should be developed in future drafts is the main character herself. As a woman, I am instantly engaged with the one line “You wanted it with all of your mind but rejected it with all of your body. But it happened anyway. You did it. Or, no, he active voice isn’t quite accurate. You let it be done to you.” (3). Honestly, that was …show more content…
Hence why it seems odd that she had never considered that the boyfriend would not realize there was an issue. There were moment where you would be able to insert that growing doubt that eventually culminates to the assurance that they really don’t know each other, that they really aren’t emotionally intimate. That she is projecting possibilities and not actual the “usually” that she makes clear on the first page they don’t have yet. There needs to be more structured building of these fantasies because as of now, the ending is kind of a predictable punch--there was this huge build up of what the main character expected and she was wholeheartedly let down by the boy’s insensitivity. But I think there would be weight if you had more negative assumptions on him, because the main character seems to be very practical and rational. She recognizes that she does not understand that she is upset, but does not know why. Therefore, there is room for her to have doubt for this