A Time to Listen, A Time to Speak

Chapter 3 of the book of Ecclesiastes tells us that there is an appropriate time for everything, such as planting and harvesting; building up and breaking down; crying and laughing; getting and losing; making war and making peace. Included in this list, in verse 7, is a time to keep silent and a time to speak. Good advice of course, but just how do we decide when to listen and when to speak?
Like most things, the Bible gives us guidance in this area. Proverbs 18:13 tells us that it’s foolish to speak in a matter in which we have not heard. In other words, we need to hear the whole story, not just a rumor – get the facts. Likewise, James 1:19 tells us to be “swift to hear, slow to speak”. Both of these verses seem to imply that listening is actually more important than speaking. That makes sense to me, since God gave us two ears, and only one mouth.
One of the things that influences how often a person speaks or listens is personality. Extroverts tend to be more talkative and think out loud; introverts tend to be quieter and think a great deal before speaking. You’ll often notice this at meetings. A few of the people do most of the talking. In the article “The Silent May Have Something to Say”, Kelley Holland describes this phenomena and compares a meeting to a tennis match in which a few vocal people talk back and forth , with most heads following those few speakers as they volley ideas. That’s a shame, because silent people often have a lot of good ideas that are not always vocalized.

Another reason people tend to speak or listen is because how they were taught. The book “The Loudest Duck” by Laura Liswood explains that while some people were taught to speak up (“the squeaky wheel gets the grease”), many others were taught jus the opposite, to keep quiet (“the loudest duck gets shot”).

When people speak or listen too much or too little, it can decrease the effectiveness of our organization, since good ideas may not be stated, or stated but not really heard. So what can we do to help?

First, if you are a good speaker who naturally dominates a discussion because you think and speak so quickly, be sensitive to others who aren’t as quick or vocal, and give them a chance. Second, if you are the type who is too often silent throughout an entire meeting, try to get up the courage to say something worthwhile. If need be, resort to raising your hand to get the chance to do so. Also consider attending Toastmasters which is dedicated to helping people formulate their thoughts and speak more quickly and confidently. Finally, if you’re the leader or facilitator of a meeting, make sure that everyone gets heard. One technique is to solicit a thought, idea or comment from each person in order around the table.

Perhaps the wisest decision ever made was by King Solomon when he had to decide which of two women was the true mother of a baby which both women claimed was hers (see I Kings, chapter 3). Each woman told a convincing story that it was the other woman’s baby who had died. Solomon had to listen with his ears, eyes, heart and mind while saying just a few carefully chosen words to enable him to make the right decision. We should strive to have the same effective balance of speaking and listening.