My example is of my grandmother. She was 4’11” and a bright 5th and 6th grade math teacher. She didn’t have a high school to attend but she did get her teaching certificate attending EKU. She was one of 17 siblings. 13 grew to adulthood and all lived to 94-99 to one is still alive!
As my grandfather became ill with cardiomyopathy at age 85, he would tell us privately that “ma” is getting mixed up. When he passed away, my aunt moved into care for “ma”. My aunt was financially challenged and needed her mom’s shelter and Ma needed a caregiver. Ma became increasingly confused and dangerous to herself. She would frequently leave the house looking for my deceased grandfather. She once brushed her teeth with dish soap and began speaking while bubbles floated about—which would have been hilarious if it weren’t so sad. She would hide food away for weeks and to her it would be ok to eat.
The problems it caused were significant for my aunt. My grandmother gradually became very mean and impatient. She no longer recognized my aunt and would go on long tirades, confiding in my aunt about how awful that daughter of hers was because she never came to visit or do anything for her. My aunt would say,” I’m your daughter.” And Ma would say, “No, you are not!”
Ma eventually fell and broke her hip. During the hospital stay she screamed the verses to Amazing Grace in a manic fashion without stopping for a break to eat or speak or barely catch her breath much to the dismay of her roommate who moaned at the start of every verse. It went on for hours. This situation was also kind of funny if it wasn’t so sad.
Eventually she was placed in an alzheimer’s unit where over the years she declined further, became bedridden, nonverbal, incontinent and eventually died of pneumonia at age 94.
My aunt was her main caregiver. My father was the main decision maker and executor. They