Helicopter Parenting

Dawa Zangmu Paljor Sherpa Professor Vicki Villone English 102 29 January, 2015

Paljor Sherpa 1 Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover overhead, children will become dependent in life if their parents are always hovering over this.They pay extremely close attention to their kids lives, which includes their academic and personal lives. I choose this topic since I was quite in a shock to see different style of raising kids here and in my country. I migrated here to the States a year ago from my country Nepal with my family and planned to stay at my uncle's place for a few months who had been residing here for last 30 years. As the days passed by we all started beginning our day to day lives. Me and my younger brother attended school and parents went to work. First a few weeks, I was like a breathing statue who could not go to places on my own and would feel different talking to people. I did not feel that confident talking in English and interacting with people. I also got quite depressed with having no friends here. This seemed like a small issue to my parents and when I shared about it they always told me it will get better. But I started thinking and comparing myself to the other students here who were so confident in all the task they did. I am from an Asian background and have a totally different style of raising their children . Yes, every parent is worried about their kids future. Even my parents were, so they adopted a different style of raising me and my brother. Personally I wanted to become a dancer but they always insisted me to become a doctor in future. They were imposing their dreams on me. I was never upset or mad at them for guiding me. Infact it is because of them I was sent to a good school for education and fufilled all my wishes so far. They were quite over protective and involved in my life deeply. Dad always kept checking my phone often and see my facebook messages whenever he got a chance to make sure that I was not in a bad circle. They did everything for me, from my schools papers to my bank papers. This is why I am facing a problem here. I joined HAAC a year ago.Gradually I started making new friends and learned a lot of stuffs. I did not feel wuite confident in filling up my college admission papers or for scholarships and even dealing with banks and other institutions. I always needed my dad beside me to guide me. I then realised I was so dependent on them for every little things

Paljor Sherpa 2 that I could do by myself. The practice of overparenting older children can prove to be embarassing for children who are desperate to establish their independence and break away from their families. It is the prime responsibilty of the parents to take care and look after their children, but as we grow up parents should let us have our own freedom of choice I think. Three recent studies specifically examined helicopter parenting and found that it was related to several negative outcomes in college students.College students who reported that their parents were over involved and controlling in thrie lives ha lower psychological well-being and were more likely to take medications for depression and anxiety. Helicopter parenting is negatively related to total well-being and is statistically significant. The greater the perception of parents as helicopter parents, the lower the total well-being, African Americans had significantly higher average total well-being.High school grade point averafe was also regressed on helicopter parenting and controls.The results suggested slightly lower high school grades for those perceiving helicopter parenting(Lemoyne and Buchanan 399- 418). Likewise qualitative interviews were carried out with 32 fathers of children aged 2-7 years in a Canadian urban setting. Interview questions investigated fathers injury prevention attitudes and practices, and their beliefs regarding over protection. Data analysis was guided & by grounded theory methods. Fathers noted the subjective nature of over protection. Fathers veiwed overprotective parents as experiencing excessive fears that were manisfested in lack of wilingness to risk physical or psychological injury.They described overprotective parenting as including over involvement in and excessive restriction of childrens activities, and expressed concerns that the results of these behaviours would be children lacking self-confidence and crucial life skills. Framing safety messages in ways hat align with fathers views could involve promoting appropriate protection and encouraging an active lifestyle( Brussoni M & Olsen 237-245). Parental over involvement may lead to negative outcomes in children, including higher levels of depression and anxiety. Studies also suggest that children of over involved or over controlling parents may feel less competent and less able to manage life and its

Paljor Sherpa 3 stressors. In contrast,evidence suggests that some parental involvement in childrens lives facilitates healthy development,both emotionally and socially.Childrens need for anatomy increases overtime as they strive to become independent young adults. Among college administrators, concern is shared that parents donot adjust their level of onvolvement and control as their cild grows up and instead practice helicopter parenting. While parents may be the best of intensions, their frantic efforts to shepherd their children to happiness and success are making kids anxious and depressed. If a son of a over protective parent falls on the playground they instantly swoop in to hug him and fuss about the scufed knee. If the daughter has a fight with her best friend, they go quickly call the girl's mother to try to intercede. If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you are not alone. Overparenting quickly is becoming normal parenting. In fact, researchers are discovering a connection between children's stress and overparenting. In a Johns Hopkins University study, hyperparenting was more closely related to increased anxiety in children than the mental health of the parent or parental rejection. In turn, elevated anxiety (in children and adults) is linked to depression and behavioral issues. Even toddlers with moms who are too directive in play are more aggressive and more likely to throw toys. The opposite also is true: moms who are less intrusive tend to have happier children (Corles & Ivana).Among college administrators, concern is shared thaat the parents do not adjust their level of involvement and control as their child grows up and instead practice helicopter parenting. Schiffrin and her team examined how parenting behaviours affect the psychological well-being of children by looking at college students self determinatin.A total of 297 American undergraduate students, aged 18-23 years answered online survey.Thyey were asked to describe their mothers parenting behaviour, rate their own perceptions of their autonomy,competence and relatedness(i.e)how well they along with other people.)The researchers also assessed the students overall satisfaction with life, their level of anxiety and whether or not they suffered depressive symptoms(Schriffin et al. 548-557)

Paljor Sherpa 4 An investigation showed that over parenting is associated with lower quality parent-child communication and greater sense of entitlement in young adult children.Overparenting also has a significant and negative indirect association with child outcome in a sample of families distributed throughout most of United States (Segrin et al. 237-252).Overparenting involves the application of developmentally inappropriate levels of parental directiveness, tangible assistance, problem-solving, monitoring, and involvement into the lives of children. Based on theories of family enmeshment, effective parenting, and personality development, this parenting behavior was hypothesized to be associated with negative traits in parents (i.e., anxiety and regret) as well as in young adult children (i.e., narcissism, poor coping styles, anxiety, and stress). Participants were 653 parent-adult child dyads from 32 of the 50 United States who completed measures of overparenting and maladaptive traits. A latent variables analysis showed that parental anxiety was positively associated with overparenting, and that parental regret had an indirect effect on overparenting through greater anxiety. In adult children, overparenting was associated with higher levels of narcissism and more ineffective coping skills (e.g., internalizing, distancing). These ineffective coping skills were associated with greater anxiety and stress in young adult children(Segrin et al. 569-595). Over parenting is motivated with the idea of doing good things. But it does the exact opposite in the long run. In the long run, parents are impairing their child;s coping skills. They are winning the battle, but actually losing the war. I Its time for a realtiy check, In our zeal to create a great childhood for the kids, one in which they feel happy, safe and successful, many parents and teachers are going to extremes.Determined to do anything to make life better for their children, parents and teachers are goinf to extremes. In todays highly cometitive , relatively dangerous and media saturated world I can assume that this parenting style originated from a true desire to help todays children excel but these over-involved parents are unknowingly damaging kids self- confidence, ability to solve problems.They will need their parents in every little decision and in future. So these growing number of parents, obsessed with their kids success

Paljor Sherpa 5 and safety who vigilantly hover over them, sheltering them from the mistakes and risks are eventually making the lives og the children difficult,Therefore, more free- range parents who believe that children learn best when they are allowed to make mistakes, spend time alone, and have a fewer social commitments will achieve best results in discovering a better future for their kids.

Work Cited Brussoni M., Olsn,L.L. “The perils of over protective parenting: Fathers perspective explored” Child care, Health and Development 39.2 (2013): 237-245. Academic Search Premier. Web. 28 Jan 2015. Chris Segrin, Alesia Woszidlo. “Parent and Child Traits Associated with Overparenting” Journal of Social and Clinical Psyhology 32 (2013): 569-595. Academic Search Premier. Web. 28 Jan 2015. Corles,Ivana. “Tiger Moms get off you Hovering Helicopters.” USA Today Magazine 143(2013). Academic Search Premier. Web 1 Feb 2015. Lemoyne,Terri,Tom,Buchanan. “Does 'Hovering' Matter? Helicopter Parenting and its effect on wellbeing. “Sociological Spectrum 31.4 (2011): 399-418. Academic Search Premier. Web 29 Jan 2015. Schriffin,Holly,Liss,Miriam,Miles-Melean,Haley,Geary,Katherine,Erchull,Mindy,Tashner,Taryn. “Helping or Hovering? The effects of Helicopter Parenting on College Students' Well-Being.” Journal of Child & Family Studies 23.3 (2014): 548-557.Academic Search Premier. Web 29 Jan 2015. Segrin, Chris, Woszidlo,Alesia,Givertz,Michelle,Bauer,Amy,Taylor,Murphy,Melissa. “The Association Bbetween Overparenting, Parent-Child Communication, and Entitlement and Adaptive Traits in Adult Children.” Family Relations 61.2 (2012).Academic Search Premier. Web. 1 Feb 2015.