When I thought of a proper beginning for this paper, I wondered if assertiveness was one of those words that would describe the essence of who I am. Many might use words similar such as aggressive, rude, or disrespectful. I envision my actions to exemplify firmness and self assurance. Assertiveness is the word you use when you want to persuade and entice a feeling, action or response whereas aggression usually reflects anger and making a feeling, action or response take precedent no matter what. According to Webster dictionary, the definition for assertive is “disposed to or characterized by bold or confident. ” Assertiveness is the act of getting your point across to a person or either a group of people without invading their space and/or being hostile. Assertiveness says that you can persuade your audience based on your candor and ability to grasp hold of the concept you are attempting to convey. Assertiveness is confused with aggressiveness because the receiver or your audience is not willing to accept the ideas or information that you are suggesting; thus confusing persuasion with aggression. Both types of behavior involve standing up for one’s rights and expressing one’s needs. The key difference between the two styles is that individuals behaving assertively will express themselves in ways that respect the other person. They assume the best about people, respect themselves, and think “win-win” and try to compromise.” Being raised in single parent home with a determined and unbending mother allowed me to see assertiveness at its finest. She never wavered on her goals and aspirations for herself and with no holds barred she never pulled any punches with me. My mother’s massage was clear: In this life there are two types of individuals – those that lived life -seeking growth and understanding of who they were and making sure self respect and self preservation was the top of the list. The other individual was never described because to her that flip side did not exist for her and it would not exist for me. If you add the fact that I grew up in one of the most aggressive and boldest cities in this country, New York City, there was no room for meek and weak individuals. But I did not project the actions and words of a New Jersey or someone that grew up with a bold mother; in fact I was the very opposite. It wasn’t until I relocated to South Carolina that I realized my soft spoken words and actions were seen as a weakness and many attempted to propagate on it. I refused to be one of the individuals that my mother could not describe; I just refused to fail. I began to demand respect and attention when it was necessary but still conveying empathy to those that deserved it. I recognized that I could be assertive and still validate another human being and myself. I also realized that assertiveness began with my non verbal communication, the expression of factual statements not judgmental innuendos. Assertive became a deliberate way that I stated a problem and how I wanted to solve it. Carl Le Mon once wrote “Assertiveness is not what you do; it is who you are”. http://www.famous-quotes.com/topic.php?tid=79 My skills were fine tuned when I joined the military. If no other entity projected my assertiveness I know that the military evolved what was already instilled from my upbringing. The military enhanced my self-confidence and as my responsibility to my country and my squad increased, so did my level of assertiveness. I am thankful that I took the necessary steps to increasing my level of assertiveness because this trait catapulted me to a drill sergeant. Assertiveness taught me that a leader takes responsibility for their actions and a great leader can lead any troop because respect is the prerequisite to being assertive and being successful. I have taken up the cross from my mother and encourage my two boys to project confidence and assertive for the things that rally matter in this life. Assertiveness is “standing up for one's rights no matter what the circumstance.” This is an excellent statement because being a mother you have to explain that fighting for the truth and standing by the truth is worth the battle. Being a broken record so to speak does not make you aggressive; being precise, concise and clear with your request sends the message that you are strong in your views and refuse to give up on what is right. We have fought wars based on that premise alone. As a people we have endured harsh treatment and unacceptable results. It was those assertive and bold leaders that stood in the gap for us to make it possible in the future to change nations. Assertiveness gave us the right to vote, a right to freedom of speech, a right to worship freely. Assertiveness takes into account both the sender and receiver of the message. It communicates cleverness yet gentleness; firmness yet tactfulness. Assertiveness breaks down the barriers of stereotypes but only when both parties agree that aggression is not protruding rudely into the mix. Assertiveness reinforces positive behaviors and allows the sender and the receiver to compromise. Assertiveness is difficult to imagine in our society today. Assertiveness says that “I matter and so do you”. Assertiveness says I am not just concerned about getting my message across but I am also concerned with how you may feel about the message; assertiveness asks for feedback. Because we live in a world where most people feel worthless and so many others are uncaring assertiveness as a form of covered aggression. People that are active aggressively are usually rude, belligerent and do not take in account the other person’s feelings. They try to win at all costs. The situation is almost always negative. I think a person that accuses a person of being aggressiveness when they are being assertive feel threatened or intimidated because they do not understand this form of communication. As I look forward to beginning this degree I realized that assertiveness plays a definitive role for women in the business community. In business, women are seen as over reactors or under reactors. It is imperative for women that we convey the right message at the right time due to the ratio of male leaders to women. We must avoid being manipulated without sounding too harsh. We must recognize our strengths and weaknesses and assert the proper behavior necessary to fulfill commitments. Assertiveness has the ability to prepare any person for the steps up the ladder. The form to which your assertiveness is conveyed and received is contingent upon your audience and your own projection. Assertiveness instead of aggression allows every person involved to play a major role in that particular situation. It is through training, positive reinforcement and feedback that we fine tune assertiveness and allow it to be a word that is not associated negatively with aggression and hostile environments. I have never had to apologize for being assertive. Why? Because Sharon Anthony Bower once said “The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others. ”

Work Cited
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