Balancing Studies with Work and Family Demands

When I decided to return to school in April, I suppose I didn’t keep in mind the juggling act I already participate in. My biggest stress has to do with communicating effectively with my ex. I am going through a massive parenting battle with him involving my two youngest children. Two years ago, my ex, Jamie, found some loop hole in the system and was granted full custody. This event alone still haunts me and is the foundation of my daily struggles to handle stress. Just this past September, I was able to finally see my boys. Once again, the time lost is and I fear will always add to my overload of stress. I finally got a court order giving me two nights a week with my boys; however, I still overwhelm myself with sadness because their Dad continues to use them to lash out and hurt me. I’m not given a chance to have them more often, and missing out on their childhood seems to take over my mind more than I care to admit. This paralyzes me from facing my stresses of work, family, and classes. Some days just getting out of bed is stressful enough. Not only am I dealing with a battle for my right as a Mom, but just being able to co parent with my children’s father has been on the top of the most painful, heartbreaking and frustrating situations I have ever encountered. The degrading statements, the lack of putting children first horrifies me to the extent I can’t focus on my daily tasks. I can’t handle the non-stop, “Kelly you won’t ever become anything,” or, “Kelly you don’t have what it takes to succeed.” It’s hard to climb a mountain without a good pair of shoes. To add to my daily stress, my mother asked me to help her get things organized for a garage sale! I helped her last summer and it was a nightmare. However, when Momma asks for help, she’s always going to receive it. Another ball I am currently juggling is working evenings at McGraw-ill Hill Higher Education helping students and professors with their technical issues with McGraw Hill products. It’s a little ironic I assist our customers with their courses and/or assignments while I procrastinate to complete my own school work. While my kids were in school, I was able to say, “Homework time!” and while they accomplished their tasks, I worked on mine. Now that summer began, I have needed to find other times to complete my work. Since Jamie refuses to even allow me to speak to my boys on the phone or have any extra time with them, I signed my son, Cameron, up for Little League Baseball this summer. Though it adds to my stress and dark circles under my eyes for Saturday morning practices and late games Friday evenings, it has been my only way to get extra time with them, so to me, this stress has been worth it. In addition to my family stresses and demands, I go to work, stare at a computer for eight plus hours a day, which makes me want to stay far away from any computer when I punch out for

the night. This is where I stress out about completing exams and reading the material. I enjoy my job at the moment, which helps me feel less anxious about all the balls being thrown at me. I feel good about who I am and where I want to go when I help students and instructors solve their difficulties.
Luckily, currently at work, I am not very busy with helping students and instructors, so I try to take this down time to read materials and work on assignments for myself. Although I have a hard time returning to my train of thought or material I was focused on, this seems to be the best way for me to get my study time accomplished. My process for dealing with stress and demands are staying focused and positive. My only weapon against the stress and demands of everyday life and even judgments and poor perceptions of people whom I am forced to deal with, is my faith in myself. Even though most days I doubt myself, deep down I know I am a good person. The trick I am learning is that self-confidence has more power than people believe. So, the way I cope with the stress from Jamie sending me abusive text messages and voicemails is simply not even looking at them. It sounds easy right? Well, a lot of the things said to me are things I feel I need to defend against. Accusations and opinions of who I am as a person and as a mother tend to make me feel like I need to set the record straight and vent the bottled up stress and demands I battle alone. Although it has taken me years to get to this way of thinking, I constantly remind myself this point, I don’t care what these people think of me. The people I love and hold dear to my heart are the only opinions that matter to me. It’s almost comical how blind and childish these adults behave. How sad their lives must be to have time to sit around and come up with such mindless assumptions. I also remind myself why I cut these toxic people from my life to begin with. Bottom line, if people are trying to put you down, it only means that you are above them. The only way I can manage all my stresses is follow a routine. This also helps out when dealing with three boys too. I created a schedule everyone is expected to follow. This gives me a chance to have the time to sit and work on my studies. Finally, another way I balance all of my stress and demands is to simply relax. Take one day at a time even! If I have learned anything in my life, it would be this; Life is too short to waste. Time creeps up on you. All we really have are the memories and the love of people we choose to include in our lives. If you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss it. My kids are proud of their mom who juggles the things life throws at her. They see how I handle another ball thrown in the mix and deal with it the best way I can. So, I suppose the way I cope with my life stresses and demands is to constantly remind myself of what is important and what I know I am capable of accomplishing.

With that said, I should take the opportunity to help other students understand the path which lies ahead when managing their own juggling act. In a world constantly moving in a fast paced, everything NOW! NOW! NOW! Sometimes we forget to slow down. So to the future students out there, I feel my best advice is this… ROUTINE! ROUTINE! ROUTINE! There’s nothing more stressful than attempting to keep all those juggling balls in the air in the midst of chaos. A great way to eliminate chaos, I have found, is routine. Online courses are usually much more flexible. This flexibility allows you to complete work at your own pace. So, prepare for what your day may hold before venturing out the door. Of course, I realize life gets a kick out of throwing those curve balls at us. I’ve learned whatever my day may throw at me, if I begin the day organized and prepared, I feel confident in saying, “Bring it!”, which releases some of the pressure. For me, working an evening shift, I have found my best time to sit down and study is after I punch out at work. Becoming a night owl has its advantages I suppose. I am able to read and learn the material in silence, with no interruptions, usually that is. Studying can be demanding. It is natural to feel anxious about this at first. But while it may appear daunting, I have found I can quickly adapt to new forms of studying and have found it rewarding. Online courses can be a great way to continue education; however, it can be easy to fall behind when you aren’t physically attending a class. Another stressor may even lead to a feeling of isolation. Remember that your other classmates are in the same situation. You are not the only one who may feel a sense of isolation. Just like in a classroom, some people are shy and some are outgoing. It just takes one person to do a little reaching out to create a community and you can be that person. The Penn Foster Student Community is a great way to chat and reach out to other online students.
On the flip side, it’s important to allow enough time for yourself as well. While both academic work and social occasions are an important part of the studying experience, I have found it is useful to plan for breaks to refuel. Control your environment by controlling who and what is surrounding you. Life is like a teacup. There’s only so much “stuff” that will fit into it. If you fill your cup with the wrong things and the wrong people, you won’t have time for the right things and right people. The wrong things and people bring stress. The right people and things bring joy and contentment. Choose who and what gets your time and attention. Be good to yourself. Acknowledge yourself for the good you do! Be gentle with yourself when things don’t go as you might have wanted them to. There are just some things that you can’t control, no matter how much you want to. Love yourself for who you are right now at this very moment! Attitude is everything! What does that mean? The way you think about things can make all the difference in how you react to events.
I personally have a hard time with procrastination. I am constantly putting off or avoiding doing something that I know I must do. Which causes me to experience great anxiety since the task is yet to be completed. I know I’m not the only procrastinator out there, so I think it’s helpful to look at some ways we can stop sabotaging ourselves. I have started rewarding myself when I complete a task on time. Whether it is taking a little extra time to surf the Internet, have some ice cream, or take my kids out for an adventure, anything that helps me feel reinforced to complete tasks on time. As I mentioned, I work more effectively late at night. So, I work on tasks at the time which then my work is completed at its best. Some students can get things going in the morning, while other students may be more comfortable working in the evening. Find what works for you! Since I have been a hard core procrastinator for so many years, I struggled with not finishing everything at once. I have been working with myself to break tasks into smaller, more manageable parts. I tend to catch myself thinking everything I complete must be perfect. Sometimes this is my crazy reasoning for waiting till the very last buzzer to complete anything. So, I have been working on establishing reasonable standards for completing a task. It is a work in progress, but, striving for perfection may stop me from completing the task. This definitely is begging for stress and/or failure. Bottom line; don’t sit around thinking about what you have to do. Stop thinking and start doing. Benjamin Franklin once said, "You may delay, but time will not." I have also found it helpful and interesting to found out my learning style and what things I should be doing to learn effectively. A learning style is a way of learning. Your preferred learning style is the way in which you learn best. While trying to find ways to change my procrastinating behavior, I found there are three learning styles that are often identified in students. The three styles are the Auditory Learning Style, the Visual Learning Style, and the Tactile/Kinesthetic Learning Style. Auditory Learners learn best when information is presented in an auditory language format. Visual Learners learn best when information is presented in a written language format or in another visual format such as pictures or diagrams. Then the Tactile/Kinesthetic Learners learn best in hands-on learning settings in which they can physically manipulate something in order to learn about it. I realize we all probably are aware how we learn or retain information, but I think it’s important to know which style works best for a student. Especially when taking online courses. Your learning style is your strength. Embrace it! Remember, if you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.