And that’s why I’m never going to another zoo.

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars 1 pound (about $1.40) and coaches 5 (about $7). This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.
"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management, "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant..."
"Er... no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."
"Er... no", said Bristol Zoo management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"
"Er... NO!" insisted the Council.
Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, is some bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at 400 pounds (about $560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over 3.6 million pounds ($7 million).
My granddad would always tell me funny stories like that before we would go to the zoo. We would only ever go to the same zoo because my granddad liked this one lady monkey that was there. Couple years after my granddad had died from aids I found out how he got the aids he shagged that lady chimp when he was drunk and that’s why I’m never going to the zoo again.

I once went to a zoo but jihadi john was there and I got shot up and died and that’s why I’m never going to the zoo again cause I’m dead.