Big Mac Meal, Big Mess
Jordan Jasnoch, Devyn Kennedy, Ashley Hoffer, Cheyenne Hanson
The large, glowing “M” in the distance beckons me forward as I head into McDonalds, a strange land of food that smells of oil, grease, sweat, and meat. The clambering of people all around me blurs into one indistinguishable chorus of noise. I ignore this as I sit down in a cold, leathery cushion to enjoy my meal. I start as always with the Big Mac, a dripping monster that is barely kept together by the buns that house the contents. The sight strikes me as odd as it is nothing like was advertised, but instead is pathetic, wet, and seems to be like that of a sad old man awaiting death. With the first bite I notice immediately an explosion of flavors that offend me to no end, such as the bitter “secret sauce.” Towers of pickles add to this bitterness, while processed meat so horrid that it could only have come from a clinically depressed cow puts on a parade of disgust and disappointment in my mouth. Within moments, the nauseating smell of said “secret sauce” fills my nostrils. The world’s largest fast food chain hasn’t kept this sauce much of a secret. Consumers can easily find that it is made of straightforward ingredients such as store bought mayonnaise, pickle relish, onion powder, yellow mustard, white vinegar, garlic powder, and paprika. Certainly not the palate of kings, this repulsive sauce has the consistency of dog vomit and I am rather sickened as the vile substance drips down my hands. My taste-buds are insulted when they are drowned in the grave topping which tastes similar to molding cheese. Not wanting to waste my money by throwing the sandwich away, I wipe the sauce off of the “all-beef patties.”

My next mission is to devour the “all beef patties” that have been cleansed of the “special sauce”. I am expecting a warm tasting, all beef patty with smooth American