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Binge Eating

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Submitted By mister316
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LisaAge: 35Compulsive Overeating |
I have suffered from an eating disorder for about 8 years now! I am an overeater and a binger. When I get nervous or depressed, I tend to stuff my face with everything in sight until I get sick or diarrhea. Then I look at pictures of when I weighed between 110 and 120 and I go into severe manic depression.
Sometimes I just stay in bed for days and don't answer the phone or the door. When my kids and my husband ask me what is wrong, I just cry and tell them that I am a failure at everything and I wish I was dead! Of course, I then find solace in food or cigarettes. At other times, I go on diet binges and practically starve myself for days. Most times, I hide food from myself and everyone else and late at night I sneak out of bed and gorge. Then the cycle begins again!
I look in the mirror at myself and want to throw up. I am so disgusted with myself. Everyone that knows me says that I am a beautiful giving woman with a heart as big as Texas and that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for the people that I love. I just look at myself and see a butt as big as Texas!
This has caused many problems in my marriage and with our sex life. I won't let my husband even look at me with the lights on and our love making has dwindled down to practically nothing. Then I start thinking that he doesn't love me anymore and wants someone else because this has affected his performance too! He is afraid that if he can't perform, I will start thinking that it's because of my FAT! This is usually a correct statement. Thus, no sex life!
The kids really pussyfoot around me and basically stay out of my way or wait on me hand and foot when I get this way. I know I have a problem. I just don't know how to solve it! I have been to psychiatrists, counselors, doctors, and talk groups. I have tried every diet that has ever come out, even the quick weight loss program designed for patients who need surgery and starvation diets. I have tried exercise programs and walking. I have even tried taking laxatives!
PLEASE HELP me if you can, although at this point I feel there is no help! I am not a rich person and I don't have Richard Simmons helping me like I see all those people getting help on all those talk shows!
My family thinks that I am being silly and that I don't have any reason to feel depressed, so I keep it inside and eat some more.

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