Writing assignment 3 Name __________________________________ ID_________________

Lecture Section ___________ Lab Section ____________

Our next writing goal is to consider some of the important aspects of scientific writing. Writing in the sciences is quite different from writing in other subject areas, just as writing in college is different from writing in high school. While much of what you are taught in composition and writing courses will always be important, such as using proper grammar and spelling, writing clearly, presenting ideas in a logical sequence, and constructing paragraphs that are focused, the writing styles that might work well in your other classes will unfortunately work against you in your science courses and in any scientific profession.

Consider the following introductory paragraphs, written for a nutrition class (the title and author’s name have been changed:

1) Should students eat breakfast? by Richard Lee

You may wonder if all meals are created equal. I used to too. A lot of people, especially young people, go through the day without having breakfast. Many people believe that it is not necessary, or they say that they don’t have time for that, and begin their day with no meal. I now believe that everyone should eat breakfast before going to their activities. The purpose of this paper is to show the importance of breakfast, especially for students.

One reason for eating breakfast is because you need food for to do well in your classes. Your body and your brain are not going to function as well as they could without breakfast because you will have no energy and no strength. When you try to learn something and have nothing in your stomach, you are going to have a lot of trouble succeeding.
Now compare the above with the following introduction from a peer-reviewed scientific article published in 2010:
2) Breakfast Staple Types Affect Brain Gray Matter Volume and Cognitive Function in Healthy Children Yasuyuki Taki, Hiroshi Hashizume, Yuko Sassa, Hikaru Takeuchi, Michiko Asano, Kohei Asano, and Ryuta Kawashima

Brain development continues throughout childhood and adolescence [1]. Thus, adequate diet during these periods is thought to affect brain development and cognitive function. Recent studies have shown that eating breakfast has an immediate positive effect on cognitive function in children [2]–[4]. Moreover, skipping breakfast affects problem solving [5], short-term memory [5], and attention [6] in children. Although other studies have shown that eating breakfast does not significantly affect verbal memory [7]–[9], a recent review suggested that eating breakfast was associated with several positive effects on the cognitive functioning of well-nourished children [10]. Several studies of school breakfast programs have also shown the positive long-term effects of eating breakfast on the cognitive performance of well-nourished children [11], [12].

Let’s take a closer look at the writing style of each piece. The first piece begins by easing into the subject with a first sentence that prompts the reader to consider the importance of meals compared to each other.

You may wonder if all meals are created equal. I used to too.

Notice that the first two sentences in themselves provide no factual information or scientific insight. They are, therefore, unnecessary in scientific writing and should be omitted. The first sentence also contains the cliché, “all _______ are created equal” (from “all men are created equal”). Casual language, including clichés are to be avoided in scientific writing.

Both the first and second sentences of the first piece also happen to be written in second or first person voice. First person voice would say ”I or we”, and the second person voice uses the word “you”. All sentences in scientific writing should be written in the formal third person voice and never in first or second. In third person voice, the first sentence would read something more like: “People wonder…”. Or “One might wonder…”. But we know this sentence isn’t even scientific in tone due to its lack of factual content, and so correcting it is irrelevant. Can you identify what voice(s) is (are) being used in the paragraph you are reading right now?

Fill in: Voice used in above paragraph: _____________________________________________

The first paragraph of the first piece ends with a statement telling the reader what the paper is being written for.
The purpose of this paper is to show the importance of breakfast, especially for students.

Telling the reader what the purpose of the piece is about is a standard technique in many styles of writing, but not in scientific writing. Because this type of sentence does not offer any factual information or insight into the scientific problem or question being investigated in itself, it should not be used, and should be omitted.

Now let’s take a closer look at the second piece, which begins with objective factual information.

Brain development continues throughout childhood and adolescence [1].

Notice that the voice used in first sentence of the second piece is third person, without clichés or casual language. It is also written objectively. In other words, any opinion is left out, leaving only information based on evidence. The evidence that all of the statements made in the second piece are based on is indicated by the citation of a source at the end of each piece of information (indicated by the numbers in brackets). In this case the citation number would point the reader to a particular author and title of a published study containing an elaboration of the work that was done to elucidate the findings. Whenever a factual statement is made containing information that is not common knowledge to the non-scientific public, a source citation is needed (in our writing later in the semester, we will use a different in-text citation style).

So the first piece is overly wordy, subjective, written in the first and second person, contains a cliché and does not provide source citations for the factual information. The second piece is concise (contains no unnecessary words or sentences), objective, written in the third person, contains no clichés or casual language, and provides a source citation for each piece of factual information. The first piece doesn’t really break any rules when it comes to writing in general, but it breaks a lot of scientific writing rules.

Below you will find a list of some common mistakes found in undergraduate scientific writing. The list has been compiled from professors' and lab instructors' comments and V.E. McMillan's Writing Papers in the Biological Sciences (a highly recommended resource for scientific writing).
PROOFREAD!!! You should check your papers to catch and correct these and other common errors.
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Abbreviations You should avoid abbreviations by writing out the full word (minimum, October, Virginia, first, temperature, with...). Exceptions include common biological terms like ATP and DNA, units of measure (m, g, cm, °C), and mathematical or chemical formulas. Sentences should never begin with an abbreviation or an acronym.
Acronyms You may wish to introduce an acronym for a term that is repeated often: if your paper deals with soybeans, Glycine max, you may use the full scientific name once and substitute G. max thereafter. If you are writing a paper about tidal freshwater marshes, the first time the terms appear, you can introduce an acronym: "Tidal freshwater marshes (TFM) are important transitional zones in the landscape." Throughout the rest of your paper, you would refer to TFM.
Chemical elements are not proper nouns, so do not capitalize them. Only the first letter of the symbol is a capital letter: nitrogen (N), carbon (C), calcium (Ca).
Contractions In formal writing, you should never use contractions (didn't, can't, haven't...).
Data The word "data" is plural, as in "the data were collected on January 21, 2001."
Direct quotes should be avoided, unless you are presenting another author's specific definition or original label. You can usually paraphrase the writing effectively and more concisely, taking care to properly attribute the sources of your statements.
Fluff It is obvious when students do not understand what they are writing about, and their grades suffer as a result. Read and re-read your references. Consult a textbook or another reference to help you resolve any aspects of the paper you do not understand before you start writing.
Footnotes should not be used. You will be provided with instructions on using in-text citations.
Objectivity Scientific conclusions are based on evidence. Make sure your scientific writing has an objective, or “just the facts, maam” tone.
Run-on sentences You should review your writing to make sure that each sentence presents one or two clear ideas. This will also help you organize sentences within paragraphs in a logical order.
Scientific names, consisting of genus and species, should be underlined or italicized, with only the genus capitalized: Homo sapiens or Ilex opaca.

Significance In science, the word "significant" implies the result of a statistical test. It cannot be used to say, "the number of root nodules on red clover plants increased significantly when nitrogen was added," if you did not perform a statistical test to determine significant differences. You should analyze your results to determine whether they are statistically significant and report the test you used, the significance level (p=0.05), calculated statistic (tcalc), and degrees of freedom.
Slang Do not use slang. Try to use precise, scientific terms where possible (without unnecessary jargon) and avoid colloquialisms and figures of speech: "somewhat" rather than "sort of," "many" or "a great deal" instead of "a lot."
Spell-check Your word processor's spell-check and/or grammar-check function is not error-free. It cannot tell you when to use "it's" and "its," and it cannot tell you that a particular sentence does not make sense. It will also be useless in helping you fix spelling errors for many scientific terms. Give yourself enough time to proofread and correct your papers.
Tenses When describing methods and results, you should use the past tense. The present tense is appropriate for accepted facts, such as the background information presented in the Introduction. In addition, you may use the present tense when you discuss your results and conclusions. Looking over other scientific papers may help you answer questions you might have on this topic.
Units All units of measure must be metric or SI (international System).

Voice Do not write in the first person, ““I” will tell you all about monkeys.” Use the active voice, as in “Fungi produce antibiotics”, rather than the wordier passive voice, as in “Antibiotics are produced by fungi”.
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Essay Question:
What is your impression of scientific writing given the information presented in the first part of this handout? Please summarize what you think it is to write scientifically:

The following is an assignment designed to give you some practice identifying and correcting these errors to change a casual piece into a scientific one.

One of the hallmarks of scientific writing is that it is fact-based and informative. It is not meant to entertain and it should always convey the information in as a precise and concise way as possible. Writing should be objective. As such, creative, flowery, or story-telling verbiage should be removed, as should any opinions, clichés, casual language, and words that do not contribute to communication of the important factual information.

Read the following essay (note: many of the “facts” in this article are actually absolutely false!):

What can vegetables do for your cat?

Many people care for cats and care deeply and passionately about what they need nutritionally as well as what will make them the happiest. You may want to know what to feed your cat as many other people do. Providing some fresh additions to dry cat food can be very beneficial and tasty for your cat. It's not uncommon for cats to selectively eat food containing nutrients they may be deficient in. This instinctive act sometimes alerts their people to the particular deficiency.

A wild outdoor cat relies on natural greens to aid his digestion. Not all house cats will seek out your house plants or plants in your gardens to fulfill this need. But if you have a cat, you can plant a pot of grass for leisurely nibbles, so your cat will have his own grass and not have to seek out your plants. It may make everyone in the house happier and healthier.

Serving vegetables to your cat can provide extra means of fiber, or extra boosts of easily destroyed vitamins.

Cucumbers are great for cats. You're laughing, right? I've seen may cats go crazy for a slice of cucumber. Peel the cucumber if it has been waxed or if it is shiny to make it more palatable.

Garlic is great too. "Garlic?" Garlic is very good for your cat. Yes, unfortunately you may have to endure his garlic breath. Garlic contains vitamins B and C. It can purify the blood and rid the body of excess glucose.

Here are some more suggestions: Broccoli, Green Beans, Lima beans, Peas, Tomato Juice, Carrots, Celery.

Identify and list in the space below as many of the previously discussed errors you can find in this piece.

Make a list of at least four pieces of “factual” information in the article in addition to the three listed below. Note: factual information is objective, so make sure you write the facts in a way that represents them without including words that convey human opinion like “great”. Write the facts you find below those listed below.

“Facts”: • Supplementing fresh foods in addition to dry cat food can be beneficial for domestic cats. • Domestic cats sometimes show a preference for foods containing nutrients they are deficient in. • Wild outdoor cats consume herbaceous plant material to aid digestion.

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Now take just those facts and write a new piece in a scientific tone in the space below. The list of common mistakes on the previous pages may help you.