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Book Report

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BOOK REPORT IN ENGLISH

CHARACTER THAT I LIKED
EDWARD
MOST WHY?

Edward grimaced, and I knew it was in objection to the word okay. He probably would have used something more like wonderful or perfect or glorious.

VALUES THAT I LEARNED
If you were hoping that there would be some debauchery in this ‘Book of Mormon’ repressed as shit series; STOP! The sex scenes between Edward and Bella in this $137 Million dollar blockbuster don’t come anywhere near the gold standard of True Blood – or even the silver standard of the ‘mucho-controversial’ Season 6 Buffy and Spike fling. Edward is all like ‘I don’t wanna hurt you’ and Bella is all like ‘give it too me you friggin pussy’….or something like that. See Kristen Stewart dripping sexuality inInto the Wild as a horny teenager in a far more impressive (if brief) performance.

RECOMMENDATIONS GIVE ATLEAST 3 REASON 1. Humans marrying vampires are calculating mofos. Bella clearly has gone, 'well Edward will always look the same and Jacob will eventually look like his dad'. 2. Sometimes cinema can project your dreams for you; and in Breaking Dawn Bella’s dream that her and Edward are standing on a pile of corpses that used to be their wedding guests was the most satisfying part of the film for me. 3. If one receives a wedding invite to one’s best friend’s wedding (that one is also in love with) in the post, one must immediately take their shirt off and run into the woods.

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