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Brain Response

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Submitted By corilynn1
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Think about an experience, positive or negative, that has affected the course of your life.
Post a 200- to 300-word response to the following: Do you think this event changed your personality? If it has changed your personality, how has your personality been changed? If the event has not changed your personality, why not? How much of your personality do you think has been determined by environmental influence vs. genetic influence?

This particular checkpoint is very difficult for me to answer, however because it has affected my life and changed my personality it is one I must answer. I was raped at the age of 4 by my father’s best friend. My mother had given me up to my 19 year old father and I lived with him and “Tommy” his friend since 2nd grade. I looked to him as an Uncle and by all accounts adored him. I can vividly remember almost every detail of the room, the day, what I was wearing and what I was thinking. Tommy had blonde curly hair that was long and he was standing at the door way completely naked. I remember thinking that this doesn’t seem right and that he shouldn’t be doing that but at 4 and no one around what could I do. I had not realized until later on in life what all exactly happened, however upon moving back with my mom at the age of 8 I knew something was not right. I would have nightmares and describe a man with curly blonde hair and a doorway. This was a reoccurring dream that disturbed me deeply. My abusive emotionally and physically mother whom I didn’t really know, offered no comfort or solace as I tried to handle these overwhelming dreams and emotions. I apparently was caught showing my private to kids at school and so my mother suspected something had happened, however chose to say that it was all in my head and that I was seeking attention, even if it was negative. I have never forgotten that and so I chose to keep things to myself and just always smile and be happy, despite knowing that on the inside I was broken. I always wanted to please people and make them happy despite if it inconvenienced me or caused me problems, which ultimately caused more problems. I still struggle with this today as I take on to much without thinking long term. I eventually sought out counseling and hypnosis and was able to step by step piece together the memory and dreams that I had with blond curly hair. I was also able to confirm that I was in fact raped and that it was not all in my head as I had been told for many years. I confirmed with my father that his friend had actually lived with us and in fact was the person that watched me when my father had to work. I was also able to confirm where he was currently living and sought him out. I confronted him via phone and while he didn’t admit to it, he also didn’t deny it. Because of this life altering event, and having children of my own, I am much more aware of questions to ask and conversations to have with my children. I have sat them all down and explained that they can talk to me if something happened or they felt uncomfortable. Every time they come back from an overnight I do always ask if there was anything inappropriate that may have happened or if they felt uncomfortable. They get so frustrated with me asking, but I explained what happened to me and how it is often the closet to us that hurt we and that I love them so much and would never want this to happen to them. I know that if anyone ever tried to touch them or hurt them sexually they would know what to do and would feel confident knowing they could tell me. I am much more less trusting of people who are around my kids then I know my parents were with me and I vowed to never become that way.

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