Losing Someone to Cancer
In Emily Dickinson’s poem, “accustomed to the dark”, she describes going through hard times when losing a special person and knowing everything will be okay as things “Adjust itself to midnight and life steps almost straight.” She sets up a situation where losing someone to a life threatening situation or a disaster. It’s easier to ignore the truth and live in fear but once we get over our doubts, though it’s difficult we can change the darkness to light. We can live in truth and in goodness but it is scary, suffer through much and sometimes there are consequences but living the right way in truth without fear is worth the journey of getting there.
It all began in July 2005 when she was 45 years old. I remember walking in the front door after school and seeing my aunt crying. I was completely shocked, as I had never seen her cry before. She then sat me down and explained to me that she had a number of tumors. At first this didn’t mean much to me as I was too young to understand the extent of her illness, but as time went on I slowly began to understand. “A moment we uncertain step for newness of the night.” As time passed she became quite sick, and was soon transferred to a hospital.
Sadly a few years after that, she passed away after putting up a strong fight for just over 15 months. It took me a while to come to terms with my aunt’s death; however the support given to me from my friends and family helped me tremendously. For the following months I attended a number of different events through the support organization, which helped me get my life back on track. But just as my life seemed to be getting back to normal again, my uncle was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of cancer, just 6 months after his wife had died. Once again my family and I would have to endure another long battle. As the months went by I was forced to watch my uncle endure a lot of suffering.
This brought back numerous memories of my aunt’s illness. At one stage he became so sick that he was given just days to live. It was at this time, at the age of 12, that I began thinking of life without two special people in my life. This scared me a lot. However, my uncle’s grit and determination enabled him to hang on, and he slowly regained his strength and health. “When not a moon disclose a sign, or star come out within.” As his health continued to improve, he re-married and once again I had another aunt in my life. Perhaps I could now live a ‘normal’ life, with simple problems, like that of my school mates. Unfortunately this was not to be the case. My other aunt was diagnosed with an advanced form of breast cancer, which had spread into her bones. Over the following 14 months, I watched a perfectly healthy woman go through extreme amounts of suffering. The pain that she endured was so intense that she would often scream. This really took its toll on me and there were a number of times I wanted just to give up. The thought of these friends really encouraged me to keep on going (and still does, for that matter) as I realized that I was fortunate enough to have a choice. Sadly my step-aunt lost her fight with cancer and passed away half way through my year 12. For the months following I put an enormous amount of effort into my studies, trying to put the whole cancer thing behind me. “Either the darkness alters or something in the sight.” I think I slowly began to get on top of everything. In fact, I can even recall one of my best friends commenting on the fact that my life was finally getting back on track. However within days of her making this comment, and just one week before my final year of high school, my uncle was diagnosed with a recurrence of his prostate cancer. Since this diagnosis, the cancer has spread throughout most parts of his body and continued to spread.
Although he was putting up an extremely strong fight, the reality is that he will eventually die from the cancer. It could be years, it could be months or it could even be days. We just don’t know. But what I do know is that each moment I spend with him will be memorable and will be full of joy. Joining a support organization helped me immensely. It has enabled me to live a ‘close to’ normal life, while forming a number of strong friendships, which will no doubt last a lifetime. I have also learned a number of valuable skills in life, such as team leadership, and being able to relate to people of all ages.
I've realized that in life we should never take anything for granted not even the smallest of things. This encourages me to live my life to the fullest and I hope one day to form a foundation, similar to the Make a Wish Foundation, and any other organizations, that helps the families of those facing the prospect of terminal cancer. Giving them one last chance to get away for a while, as a family, and make some valuable memories that will last a lifetime.