CHICKENS OF THE SEA

Not long ago, a friend once told me that he heard Jessica Simpson say on television, that a brand of canned tuna called “Chicken of the Sea” literally means, chickens that live in the sea. As we all know chickens cannot naturally live in the sea due to their physical deficiencies in water. In other words, the only way chickens could live under the sea is if the company invested billions into undersea chicken farms. For example, They could build giant undersea domes just like Sandy Peaches, in the hit kids television show “Spongebob Squarepants”. Furthermore the labeling itself states quite clearly that the food product contained in the tin is in fact tuna. Now, if the label didn’t say anything about tuna on the front It would be very easy to confuse the product with chicken, but that is not the case for this specific brand. In addition, tuna in general is very different from chicken in so many aspects, that it is really hard to confuse tuna with chicken. The textures, colors, and taste are so different that anyone who has ever eaten both tuna and chicken, could easily differentiate between the two products. Jessica Simpson’s statement is a falsehood that can be proven wrong with simple observation. First, chickens cannot live in the sea due to the fact that they have evolved on land for millions of years. Everything about their bodies have been finely tuned for living life on the surface of the world. Resulting in different organs compared to marine animals, which allow

Shim Pg. 2 them to live a very efficient life on land, but a quick death underneath the depths of the deep sea. Chickens get their oxygen from the atmosphere through the process of respiration. Utilizing lungs that contain aveoli which allow passive diffusion of oxygen molecules into the bloodstream. Another fact is that they have feathers which have a hollow tubing structure. Consequently, making it impossible for a chicken to even go underneath water, due to its buoyancy properties. Not to mention the fact that their feet are not optimized for pushing water away therefore making them slow and easy targets for predators. In which case, duck feet would be perfect for this problem because they contain webbing which gives their feet more surface area to propel themselves through the water. Also chickens eat worms and bugs that live on land, so what would they be able to eat under water that would satisfy their daily nutritional requirements? One idea would be that they could eat sea cucumbers, because these sea creatures contain vitamins and are easy to eat on account of their soft bodies, but that would be ridiculous.

Second, just by observing the label itself, you can see many clues that lead to the conclusion that the product inside is indeed tuna, or at least a fish product. A label can contain valuable information, such as nutritional facts. When you look at the label you can clearly see the word “tuna” printed on the front, and again in small print stating that this tuna is “the best tuna”. The label also claims that the product inside is full of “heart healthy omega 3” and to my knowledge, chicken does not contain omega 3, or at least enough to make it something to advertise. A quick initial glance at the ingredients list, shows that tuna is listed as the main ingredient, while chicken is nowhere to be found. Another clue is that

Shim Pg. 3 chicken, usually is not packed in small tins, as this would be an inefficient way of packing chicken. To be honest, I have never seen chicken already cooked and canned in a tin; they are usually always raw and packed in styrofoam plates with plastic wrap.

Third, if you were Jessica Simpson and thought that you were going to get a can full of chicken you would be sadly mistaken. Chicken and tuna do not taste the same, nor do they have the same texture or color. When you open a can of Chicken of the Sea tuna, you immediately know that this product is not chicken. The first sense to get offended is your sense of smell; as a rotten fishy smell wafts into your nose. Immediately following, your sense of sight gets offended as you see a pinkish grey goopy mess that looks like someone pre-chewed the meat for you ahead of time. When you drain the liquid out and take a taste, you immediately know that this is not chicken. While chewing this somewhat chalky dry protein, you will notice that the texture is definitely not the same as chicken; It just falls apart in your mouth, while chicken on the other hand needs at least some chewing action. Initially, when you are done eating you are naturally sad, because you just ate pink chalky goop, but later on in the day you will thank yourself for having such a healthy meal.

To conclude, I have proved Jessica wrong with the powers of observation. Yes, maybe if a person took an initial glance at the label they might mistake it for chicken, but that’s only if they’re Jessica Simpson. Hopefully I have convinced my readers that Chicken of the Sea tuna is not made from chickens, but from tuna, or at least that’s what the company claims on their advertising. Maybe one day in the future, some diver will discover herds of roaming chickens in the ocean. You would see happy bald chickens swimming

Shim Pg. 4 through the water with their duck feet, and eating sea cucumbers. One can only hope to see such an amazing sight in their lifetime. The very concept of Chickens under the sea, brings about a sense of awe and amazement, which leaves one speechless.