Welcome to WritePoint, the automated review system that recognizes errors most commonly made by university students in academic essays. The system embeds comments into your paper and suggests possible changes in grammar and style. Please evaluate each comment carefully to ensure that the suggested change is appropriate for your paper, but remember that your instructor's preferences for style and format prevail. You will also need to review your own citations and references since WritePoint capability in this area is limited. NOTE: WritePoint comments are computer-generated writing and grammar suggestions inviting the consideration and analysis of the writer; they are not infallible statements of right/wrong, and they should not be used as grading elements. Also, at present, WritePoint cannot detect quotations or block-quotes, so comments in those areas should be ignored. Please see the other helpful writing resources in the Tutorials and Guides section of the Center for Writing Excellence. Thank you for using WritePoint.

Cognitive Dissonance PSY400 April 16, 2012

Cognitive Dissonance Leon Festinger made his way into the world of psychology by introducing the theory of cognitive dissonance (Myers, 2010). Cognitive Dissonance is a reduction in a person’s discomfort that is [Wordiness: see if you can remove "that" or "that is"] from physical and or ["and or" is an awkward construction, a shortcut appropriate in a legal document, not in academic writing] emotional pain that he or she feels [Style suggestion: if "felt" is used in the sense of "to believe or think," it is a cliché and vague; use a form of "believe" or "think"] that a change of behavior or action must occur in order for the action to be justified [The passive voice is a form of "be" (be) and a participle (justified). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Prefer the active voice. For example, passive voice = The paper was completed on time. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time. See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] by them [Check pronoun agreement--if "them" refers to "person" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (him or her)] (Meyers, 2010). When a person wishes to justify his or her actions, they [Check pronoun agreement--if "they" refers to "a person" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (he or she) and perhaps require adjusting the following verb] will make a cognitive decision based on what is lacking in his or her life. It can be a lack of intimacy, or happiness to name a few [Place comma before "to ?<wrd> a few" (and one should follow it if not at the end of the sentence)] . Therefore, when discussing cognitive dissonance, the subject of a person cheating will be thoroughly evaluated [Passive voice ] and analyzed. There are two key persons in this situation that will be referred [Passive voice ] to as Gina and John. Gina and John enjoyed a passionate courtship that lasted six months before they were married [Passive voice ] . Their relationship was full of happiness, desire, and love. Neither Gina nor John could believe that they had finally found their soul mate. Approximately two months into the marriage John became emotionally and physically distant. Gina attempted several times to communicate with John thinking that it [Writing suggestion: often you can remove "With" and "it" (and the comma before "it" if present), simplifying the sentence-- John thinking that] was because of [wording like "is because of" is awkward; try to rewrite removing it--. . .communicate with John thinking that it was] something she did. As months went by, John’s behavior worsened. Gina made several attempts to reignite their marriage and their love life [Use "their love lives"] but had no success. She felt [Clearer writing suggestion: if "felt" is used in the sense of "to believe or think," it is a cliché and vague; use "believed" or "thought"] empty inside. After one year of marriage Gina finally gave in to [Check spelling--"into" is one word (in most applications)] all [Writing suggestion: "All" or "all of" used as an intensifier very often can be removed with no loss of meaning] of the compliments she [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "After"] would receive from her male co-workers [Spell as one word without hyphen] on a daily basis [Wordiness: "on a daily basis" is not different from writing simply "daily"] . Feeling horribly guilty but very lonely, Gina began an affair with a co-worker [Spell as one word without hyphen] . She struggled with this because she loved her husband very much but it [Insert comma before "but"--the following is an independent clause] [Writing suggestion: often you can remove "With" and "it" (and the comma before "it" if present), simplifying the sentence-- this because she loved her husband very much but] seemed he didn’t [Contractions are inappropriate in academic writing--write it out] feel the same and had not had sex in over five months. She felt [Try "thought" or "believed"] the only way she could survive emotionally and mentally was to be unfaithful. A year goes by and life continued to go on with the affair in the shadows. There were a few overnight trips out of state for work and a few weekends that Gina was surprisingly scheduled to work. Meanwhile, Gina continued to beg her husband for attention. What she received was neglect and insults for being [Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)--If not a noun (as in "human being"), the word "Being" is hard to imagine; it means "existing." Try to rewrite this without using "being"--with action words like "attending," "working," "living," "experiencing," simply "as"--or even removing "being" completely] too needy. The day arrives when John becomes suspicious and follows Gina to where she is meeting her co-worker [Spell as one word without hyphen] . The affair is discovered [Passive voice ] and although Gina blames John for neglecting her for so long, John is furious and feels that the marriage is over and cannot be repaired [Passive voice ] . To sum it up, our [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] situation is one spouse cheating on the other for reasons of emotional and physical neglect. The reality is that with the right trigger circumstances, anyone is susceptible to cheating, (Redbook, 2006). Gina entered into her relationship with John with optimism and high hopes. Gina and John followed society’s expectations by waiting until they were married [Passive voice ] to move in together. John began to feel as though he was incompetent as a husband. He started to work more and distance himself from his wife. As the months went on family members and friends began to see the distance growing between the couple. John and Gina both came from religious families that believed divorce to be morally wrong. Gina found herself praying for the answers or for God to “fix” John. Then after five months of no communication or intimacy Gina followed her desires and slept with her co-worker [Spell as one word without hyphen] . She was afraid of what her family and co-workers [Spell as one word without hyphen] would say. In the beginning [Insert comma after this introductory word (or phrase)] Gina felt as though she [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "In"] had committed a sin against her God and church. Gina experienced alternating emotions between guilt and depression and happiness and satisfaction. Society and religious beliefs played heavily on John and Gina’s decision to stay married. Both of them felt [Try "thought" or "believed"] that a divorce was not an option because of their church. Neither Gina nor John wanted to disappoint their family and friends. So for over a year and a half they tried to hide the fact that [Wordiness--"the fact that" can often be reduced to simply "that"] their relationship was not working. Everyday [Check spelling: "everyday" is an adjective meaning common or ordinary (This is an everyday sweatshirt); "every day" means "each day"] men and women cheat on each other during their marriage. The reason behind the act of cheating is hard to say only the person that [Check word usage--If this word refers to a human being, people are never "that" or "which," they are "who"] is demonstrating the behavior can justify why they [he or she] are cheating. In some cases, a person may feel that cheating is the only way that he or she can be happy. When tension demonstrates a persons’ feeling of lacking sexual satisfaction or fulfillment, men and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] women, will [Remove comma] choose to cheat in order to [Writing suggestion--the meaning will be the same (and less wordy) by removing "in order"] end the lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage (Meyers, 2010). When discussing the act of cheating on a spouse one must view the underlying factors of the violation of cognitive dissonance. They must also understand that the reason behind it could be that he or she is reciprocating the behavior of his or her spouse. By viewing the cheating of one’s spouse, they may justify the action of his or her spouse by cheating as well. When that happens the happy marriage becomes a circle of lies and deceit that may end the marriage. According to Scott-Kakures, “a person strives for consistency among the social world and to themselves” (2009, p. 73). When an in-consistency causes an action, the person has a reaction for the action. In Gina’s case, she wanted to be consistent in the bedroom with her husband. Do [If this is not in a title, avoid the imperative mood (a command) in academic writing because it addresses the reader personally (an unwritten "you," which is the second person narrative mode)] to [Misspelling: due to] the lack of interest shown to her and the need of being sexually satisfied [Passive voice ] being null Gina reacted in a way that made her life in consistent. Scott-Kakures,(2009). The key question is will the reaction to the in-consistency caused by Gina’s husband lead to the relationship ending if she continues, or will [Remove comma (if the following is not an independent clause or last element in a series)] it cause an unending cycle? [Writing suggestion: Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing. A good idea is to provide answers, not questions] What Gina must also ask herself is cheating on her husband satisfying to her knowing that she is putting her marriage at risk by behaving in an inconstant manner according to her beliefs and values in the sanctification of marriage. It is plausible according to Scott-Kakurs, that [Remove comma before "that" preceding a restrictive phrase (otherwise replace "that" with "which")] if the dissonance of being sexual satisfied [Passive voice ] lowered, then [consider removing "then"] the cognitive decision after rationalized could cease the action of Gina cheating. If Gina can reduce her dissonance by cheating or not cheating and becoming more happy and satisfied by rationalizing the reason for cheating or not cheating then [consider removing "then"] [Adjust spelling: "Then" has to do with time or conditions (The sky grew dark, then the rain fell); "than" deals with comparisons (Ice cream is sweeter than corn flakes and melts more quickly than ice)] it is possible she can lower her dissonance level and adjust her actions to make them consistent (2009, p 76) [The abbreviation for "page" in an in-text citation is "p."] . In social psychology it is [Possible simplification: The sentence may read more smoothly if you remove "In" and "it" (and the comma before "it" if there is one)] important to understand cognitive dissonance. As a species humans are always seeking the consistency of their beliefs. When someone finds him or herself completing actions that go against their [Check pronoun agreement--if "their" refers to "someone" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (his or her)] beliefs cognitive dissonance is born. Cognitive Dissonance is one of the [Wordiness problem: "One of the" can be simpler and more powerful by changing it to "one" or "a/an" and the following plural noun to singular ] reasons for infidelity among married couples. When two people are married [Passive voice ] they [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "When"] must work on accepting each other’s beliefs and behaviors. A husband and wife strengthen their relationship by supporting each other and by sticking to their [his or her] individual and collective beliefs. Cognitive [Do not capitalize this word (unless it starts a sentence)] dissonance played a role in this scenario involving Gina and John. Although [As the start of a sentence, "Although" can form only the first part of an introductory phrase. If this is not the case here, try to attach this to another sentence.] both feel that divorce is a sin and would be detrimental to their families they [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "Although"] are at a crossroads. Do they continue on [Phrasal verb: These two words mean something different from the two words separately (looking up each word in the dictionary would not produce the meaning), which could cause misinterpretation in a business communication if the reader is not from your region (or country). Try simpler wording, such as "advance," "continue," or "progress"] the loveless pass they are on, or do they rewrite their beliefs and finalize the separation they have been experiencing for so long? Once Gina and John are able to [Wordiness--"are able to" means simply "can"] conceptualize and verbalize what the dissonance is that they are experiencing they can change or add to their cognitions. As a person continues to grow they [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "As"] [he or she] often begin to open their [his or her] minds to new ideas.

Reference everything you know about affairs is wrong. (2006). Redbook, 206(5), 118. Retrieved from EBSCOhost on April 13, 2012. Myers, D. G. (2010). Social psychology (10th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill Scott-Kakures, D. (2009). Unsettling Questions: Cognitive Dissonance in Self-Deception. Social Theory & Practice, 35(1), 73.