“Life’s not out to get you, despite the things you’ve been through…” A quote I will never forget. As a young aspiring musician, there will always be hardships and sinkholes. Three years of work turned to six, and now to nine. Although I fell apart after these fateful days, my achy bones tell a story along with my tattered clothes from each night after that December. 13 year old Jenaro, a wannabe local musician, has his first show only days away from turning 14. The event drew closer and I envisioned it being the best time of my career, possibly my life. That fateful night brought panic attacks, anger, and my deep seeded self-loathing up front to the masses, and I failed myself. A tightly packed crowd watched on as a younger me broke down under my internal turmoil reaching its boiling point. Repression set in, I was certain I’d never pursue music after that night. Secluded, I hid myself for close to a year after that day. I was humbled by my experience, but deeply I knew I couldn’t just give up forever. Mid way through the spring, my phone vibrated in my …show more content…
The summer winded down, my prime was seemingly peaked when another band offered me a position as their drummer. October came suddenly, unknowingly, my panic attacks followed suit, unable to suppressed. In just three days, we had to embark on a tour in our messy Oldsmobile van around three states. Not a huge deal to most but as a self-loathing musician, I was not prepared for something like this. I refused regression, I would not let myself fall back into isolation. In just those three days, we headlined two shows in Chicago and St. Joe, recorded our EP in full, and hosted a huge party to commemorate the great bands of the area. Being who I wanted to be, playing what I wanted, chills down my spine as I reminisce on the euphoric highs and the monochromatic