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Communication

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Very important. But, let me clarify. . .differences are not the same as intellectual compatibility and should not be confused. Having different interests does not mean two people are intellectually incompatible. It simply means they have different interests. . .

I was married to a guy who lacked intelligence (hmmm, what does that say about mine? Ha ha ha). It was frustrating to say the least because I had to converse with him on his level which was extremely hard to do. I was the smarter one, so I had the burden of managing everything in our lives from finances to housekeeping. Conversation was dull and limited. I can't describe him any better than by anecdote:

-One day he came home looking very frustrated and I asked him what was wrong. He was perplexed over a joke a co-worker had told him.

Joke: A guy walks into a bar
Punchline: Ouch!

He didn't get it and I spent the better part of 30 minutes trying to explain it to him.

-His view of income tax/home buying. We were in a situation where we were losing the annual equivalent of my take home pay to income tax. Our rent was significantly more than what we would be paying if we bought a starter house or condo. I did the numbers and buying looked good and we qualified for a mortgage.

"Why do we have to buy a house? I don't see why we should worry about the government taking our money, after all, they do good things with it, right?"

I am not joking. This is almost exactly what he said. My mouth was agape. I filed for divorce soon after that conversation.

And if he did something dumb, guess who got to clean up his mess? Yes, yes, yes, it is VERY important in a relationship.

To the second part of the question:

I have to say I was young when I married, so I was looking for a nice guy who treated me well. I didn't think much about intellectual compatability. I believe I was too young to realize how important it was and I paid dearly for it.

When I divorced and began to date again, I DID seek intellectual compatability and was happily rewarded. It made a tremendous difference in the quality of the relationship. TREMENDOUS.

So whether or not people seek those of similar intellect is a matter of whether they even realize that it's important to look for. If they do, the answer is yes. If not, they marry my ex-husband. :) Hope this helps!
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Some people like to partner 'down' so they can be in control of the relationship. * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by RedJohn on October 9th, 2005 * -------------------------------------------------
Red John: This is a good answer. Why the tasteless, tacky comment? Are you ever friendly & helpful? Or always the antagonist? * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Jodie44 on January 9th, 2006 * ------------------------------------------------- good answer- helpful and made me laugh too! * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by lady fuschia on January 24th, 2006 * -------------------------------------------------
Tell me where to avoid, I am a dumbass magnet, LOL. * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Sweet T on February 27th, 2008 * -------------------------------------------------
I thought you'd enjoy this :) * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Andy Is Wicked Engaged to Penal Colony on February 27th, 2008 * -------------------------------------------------
I think you must be my twin, that everyone says they have. It is exactly the same, scary, LOL. * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Sweet T on February 27th, 2008 * -------------------------------------------------
Oh Andy Ninja is Wicked Back To Work, that is one good answer. Glad you've found an intelligent man who's the right one for you. (!) (Yet I couldn't help but think how your first ~must~ have had 'some awesome looks' to have distracted you so thoroughly, even for a while, from seeing there was 'nuthin' up there' --- no criticism at all meant by my comment, only that he sure must have been gorgeous and quite the charmer!) ... Ah, I just noticed that you gave your answer above all of 5 years ago, almost to the day --- ha!!
May you & yours be thriving extremely well, if you're even still on AB to read this! :) :) * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Trissinger on March 2nd, 2010
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7 comments | Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by Exzecutiveone on November 24th, 2005
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Intellectual compatibility is very important in a relationship because it is part of the three key elements in the attraction process: physical (looks), intellectual and emotional - what I call the PIE attraction facors. The couple has to bond physically, intellectually and emotionally before they can connect to that essential �chemistry� everyone seeks and desires, one that emphasises similarity of approach, a congruence of perspectives and reciprocity of purpose.

The longest relationships are thus based on having the most powerful combination of these PIE factors. Where more than one PIE element is absent, that�s a brief relationship in the making! Where it has two aspects, that's is very promising, but where there is the presence of all three reciprocally, then WOW! Watch our for the fireworks. It can be mindblowing.

We can like someone for their stunning looks as much as we like but that will only take us so far until those looks begin to fade or we get tired of them. What helps to validate the looks is emotional compatibility. Someone high on emotional warmth, love, empathy, kindness AND beautiful as well is a whizz. Hoever, someone who has all those attributes AND has that intellectual savvy, who can actually string two sentences together is in a class of their own. When there is a willingness to be challenged intellectually and to engage in stimulating conversation, there is often an enjoyable meeting of minds that can help to solidify any relationship. Intellectual attraction shows itself in personal interests, cherished values and preferred life purpose.

Being intellectually compatible also does not mean a high level of college-based education on both sides. It can relate to simple common sense, having experience of other cultures and peoples or being knowledgeable in a specific field. The main aspect of being intellectually appealing is to have reciprocal interactions which both parties enjoy. For example, a university boffin might find someone very attractive physically. But if there is little experience of life to hold a conversation over the candle-lit dinner there will be no mutual points to share, which makes a repeat outing highly unlikely!

However, the requirement for intellectual contribution is not constant. This attribute comes into its own at certain times. For example, for someone very young, the priority order requirement in love is likely to be: physical (looks), emotional, intellectual. For someone middle aged and perhaps in a mid-life crisis, the priority might change to: emotions first, looks next, then intellect, because the last thing a man needs as he is going through a bad emotional time is some smart alec to show him up! People in crises desperately need to be uderstood and encouraged emotionally, while having a good looking babe to enhance them as well. For older folks the requirement is likely to change to a new priorit order: emotional, intellectual and then physical.

For me, intellectual compatibility is at least 33% of the relationship. It is not that important if the other person is not as intelecctually gifted, but becomes essential with those bearing more than two brain cells and for which dialogue is an esential part of their daily lives.
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Comments * ------------------------------------------------- excellent answer--you go girl! * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Answers101 on March 20th, 2006 * ------------------------------------------------- amazing insight * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by peachyglow on October 7th, 2006
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I disagree that intellectual compatibility is that important. Sometimes, it is better to have someone in your life that keeps aware of all the things you don't care about, and vice versa. By having two entirely different mindsets approaching a problem, you have two points of view to find a solution.

Addendum: Intelligence is not easily quantifyable. Intellectual compatibility is more aptly described as having common experiences, and being able to communicate agreement on perceptions resulting from those experiences. What one might describe as incompatible is simply a wide diversity in experiences and environments. Two neurosurgeons from different countries may be equally educated and compatible, but unable to communicate the most basic needs to eachother.

The unwillingness to learn to understand is the only element in the incompatibility of a relationship.
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Differences are one thing, intellectual compatibility is another. * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Andy Is Wicked Engaged to Penal Colony on March 18th, 2005 * -------------------------------------------------
I think we need to agree on what intellectual compatibility is before going any further. You seem to think it involves similar mindsets.

When I've been in a relationship with a high degree of intellectual compatibility I've found that different mindsets are exactly what keep the relationship going. The different perspectives provide a degree of balance. If one person ends up at an extreme the other person pulls them back in.

I think there certainly needs to be similarities but no the same "mindsets." More like the same ability to handle and give criticism, feedback, and knowing when (and how) to listen.

A strong conservative should be able to get along with a strong liberal if the two of them are highly intellectually compatible, provided that neither of them disrespect a moral or value that the other holds true to the point that the other person looks at them as a bad person, evil, or similar. * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Anonymous on November 16th, 2008
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If you are an intellectual person, then you.
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need that stimulation..if you are a dummy then you don't care.
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I agree with Jack Scotty. I've been in situations with women where our intellectual differences led to embarassing situations.

I think intellectual compatibility is highly important in a relationship that is to be long-term. To me, it is one of those factors that "make or break" a relationship once you get past the butterflies in the stomach and you enter a place of rational self-evaluation.

I do not know know if most people look for mates of similar intellectual endowment, but I will say this: it's hard for one person to finish another person's sentences if there is a 40-point gap between their IQ's.

Plus, as I've gotten older, I find I get along better with others who are around my IQ level. Relationships I have with others tend to last longer if we are on similar intellectual levels. Furthermore, moments for me that cement a relationship occur when we both can "get" the same idea. Like a reference, a joke or an innuendo. Likewise, moments when my partner and I do not recieve the same piece of information in a similar way are pretty frustrating.

My summary: for short-term relationships, intelligence compatibility can take a back seat; but for the long-term, it's highly important.
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No comments. Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by -Icy- on September 11th, 2009
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------------------------------------------------- i am this time around ! +5
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Darn! That means I have no hope with you...;-D... * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by Old School on September 11th, 2009 * ------------------------------------------------- lmio ! i know better * -------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------- by -Icy- on September 11th, 2009
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2 comments | Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by iKnow on September 11th, 2009
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For me.. I can't even stand having friends or family members who aren't at the same level as me.

So, I wouldn't be able to stand being in a relationship with someone who wasn't at least somewhere near me.

Me and my boyfriend aren't exactly close, but not in the sense he's not as intelligent as me or I'm not as intelligent as him. More like.. we're just not reading the same book and have different views.
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No comments. Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by beesandshoes on August 6th, 2010
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Not sure i know much bout these exact wordings, "intellectually compatible," but I'd suppose its not the type of phrase with definition carved in stone so uh, we's all working with it.

I'm 24, i live in big city, meet a lot of regular ass hood-ish-or-not people. I had two relationships in the past nine months that ended and partly or mostly because of the conversation style differences we had. I have it down as a concept now because I have 3 friends (and more, but to lesser extents) who TALK the way I do, or that UNDERSTAND ideas i describe- oh and its not just to understand them, but to CONTRIBUTE to the conversation. Also a sign for me is if they (these 2 guys did this) would let me talk.. and all they might have to say when I'd pause or finish is wow thats cool, or thats a good point. and then nothing. they'd jus sit there. But see the three friends I mentioned, they will constantly show an interest in challenging my ideas, and will genuinely just respond back. they contribute.
Now the thing about these two guys is that i had great emotional compatibility with them, also the physical compat.. Both of them I only became physically attracted to after I was attracted to them by their personality, or just something really really about the one. Anyways, it was fine until a few weeks in when I'd want to discuss anything i saw as issues that needed to be addressed, just anything important and personal. Thats when it would be glaringly clear i describe things so much more complex and deep and i think about things very thoroughly and like to rotate many things, on and on.. and none of this would be at all important to them, it was all too thoughtful.

So i really actually am struggling to drop the last one cuz im emotionally attached to him but after I noticed all this about our communication, i just kno he has got to go, PLUS he has aoda issues, and in my opinion, some behavioral issues, and he can't even think or talk the way i do about these issues? omg it was driving me crazy.

but the attraction i'll have for these guys can be relentless in face of all this logical stuff, which scares me ha and has me wastin time with ppl, but I'm seeing how important this is for me- one of my main hobbies with friends is just straight talking, so i have got to quit messing with partners that i can cuddle and be lovey all day until it is time to talk about something thick.

Sorry for my slang, spelling shortage issues and etc, I'm a bit of a naturalist (natural to myself ha) and I've really developed my own unique way of expressing myself.
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No comments. Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by Jack Scotty on March 13th, 2005
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Being that its important for you and your mate to be able to talk and communicate on a certain level it would serve no purpose to be intellectually compatable. But then again, if you werent compatable to some extent, then you probably would not have met.

One thing that I can say through experience is that a mate that is not compatable on an intellectual level will embarass you when you are amongst friends or collegues with interests similar to yours. Likewise you could very well be an embarassment to your mate. If you and your friends are discussing the latest trends in the stock market and your mate tries to add something about their favorite singer or celebrity to the conversation its very likely that everyone is going to look at them strangely.

If the relationship starts out on a physical basis eventually it will end due to the fact that there is nothing to counter-balance it as the fun of the physical part begins to be not as much fun as it first was.
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No comments. Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by Stronghart on September 11th, 2009
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Most of the couples that I know that have successful marriages are intellectually just about equal. One might be well-educated and one might have little education--but their intellectual capacities are very close. This definitely does not mean that they have the same interests.
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I have found that in business when partners are equals in intelligence there is a workable partnership--even when one partner might be the "muscle" and the other known as the "brains." But when one considers the other stupid--it's a definite sign that things will brake apart.--same as in marriage.
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No comments. Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by farseer on September 11th, 2009
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------------------------------------------------- my ex used to call me stupid all the time. i only got to 4th year in high school and didn't acheive much there. but my iq is 159...i actually know alot. but due to the fact i didn't have some numbers on a bit of paper she made me feel stupid. never again though
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No comments. Post one | Permalink * ------------------------------------------------- by beesandshoes on August 6th, 2010
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Not sure i know much bout these exact wordings, "intellectually compatible," but I'd suppose its not the type of phrase with definition carved in stone so uh, we's all working with it.

I'm 24, i live in big city, meet a lot of regular ass hood-ish-or-not people. I had two relationships in the past nine months that ended and partly or mostly because of the conversation style differences we had. I have it down as a concept now because I have 3 friends (and more, but to lesser extents) who TALK the way I do, or that UNDERSTAND ideas i describe- oh and its not just to understand them, but to CONTRIBUTE to the conversation. Also a sign for me is if they (these 2 guys did this) would let me talk.. and all they might have to say when I'd pause or finish is wow thats cool, or thats a good point. and then nothing. they'd jus sit there. But see the three friends I mentioned, they will constantly show an interest in challenging my ideas, and will genuinely just respond back. they contribute.
Now the thing about these two guys is that i had great emotional compatibility with them, also the physical compat.. Both of them I only became physically attracted to after I was attracted to them by their personality, or just something really really about the one. Anyways, it was fine until a few weeks in when I'd want to discuss anything i saw as issues that needed to be addressed, just anything important and personal. Thats when it would be glaringly clear i describe things so much more complex and deep and i think about things very thoroughly and like to rotate many things, on and on.. and none of this would be at all important to them, it was all too thoughtful.

So i really actually am struggling to drop the last one cuz im emotionally attached to him but after I noticed all this about our communication, i just kno he has got to go, PLUS he has aoda issues, and in my opinion, some behavioral issues, and he can't even think or talk the way i do about these issues? omg it was driving me crazy.

but the attraction i'll have for these guys can be relentless in face of all this logical stuff, which scares me ha and has me wastin time with ppl, but I'm seeing how important this is for me- one of my main hobbies with friends is just straight talking, so i have got to quit messing with partners that i can cuddle and be lovey all day until it is time to talk about something thick.

Sorry for my slang, spelling shortage issues and etc, I'm a bit of a naturalist (natural to myself ha) and I've really developed my own unique way of expressing myself.
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...Heath Care Communication Methods HSC/320 L. Grant April 5, 2014 Stephen Southern Communication in health care is difficult to say the least. Within a nursing home there are different ages ranges, socioeconomic levels, literacy and cultures. As an Administrator of a local nursing home this issue is known first hand. The organization has just received notification that the organization is being purchased by a national group. Because of the new policies, many of the residents will be displaced. Some of the residents have difficulty communicating, have no family in the local area, and have not indicated that they approve the release of their medical information. As the administrator I must make arrangements for said individuals. A transition team as been assembled to effectively place each individual back into the community. Each individual will be assessed for placement back into the community. The transition team for placement will screen each individual identified with the potential to be displaced. Various forms of health communications will be used to complete this task. The screening team will consist of a Physician, RN, LSW, PT, OT, ST, the individual and or a family member/ power of attorney for said individual. The assessment will determine what supports the individual will need to live in the community or if he or she needs to be relocated to another nursing...

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Communication

...Our Aviation Engine Repair Center is not an exception and our organization uses a variety of tools in the process of communication but, in the course of time, we have eventually arrived to the necessity to use all media effectively so that the message could fit the media it is transmitted by. First of all, it should be said that, at the present moment, we use a variety of media which may be viewed as traditional and new ones. Among traditional media, or communication channels that are used in our Aviation Engine Repair Center may be named telephone and faxes. In fact, telephone is probably the most widely spread and used channel of communication within our organization. Basically, the communication process occurs by means of telephone between different units or departments of our company. For instance, the director can communicate with a head of the department using the telephone simply in order to find out the general information about the functioning of the department what it actually works at or what are the recent results of its work. Similarly, a head of the department can communicate with the manager in order to find out the details of some order the latter received from a customer, or vice versa, the manager can supply the head of the department with more detailed information about the order and demands of a customer. By the way, the telephone communication may be also external, when a manager communicates with a customer, for instance, that is also quite effective as it...

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...Communication is Key Jean A Jean-Rene BCOM/275 August 25, 2014 Communication is Key Communication plays an important role when delivering directions to employees, and trying to avoid misunderstandings. Misunderstandings can lead to errors that could have a direct impact on a company, implementing specific directions could avoid costly mistakes. Misunderstandings The sender was my supervisor, receiver was myself, the message was an idea for me to go and get the next rack of sausage by the white wall for packaging. The channel that my supervisor used was face to face. I had thought she said the right wall and it actually was the white wall, which caused me to bring the wrong rack. Listening closer to directions it could have been avoided. The communication process can be difficult if you are unsure of the directions, having two words, white and right sounding the same was the cause of the misunderstanding. The sender was my supervisor, receiver is myself, and the message was an idea for me to come into work an hour earlier on Friday, the channel she used was email. My supervisor had asked me if I was available to come in to work an hour early on a Friday, I told her she should email me to confirm Friday, I had gotten busy and forgot about the email and never checked. I learned that this could have been avoided if I would have remembered to check the email before Friday. The main cause of the misunderstanding was my forgetfulness of checking my email...

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...Technology and Communication Tammi Staub COM/295 October 19, 2014 Randi Barnes-Plante Technology and Communication I think that Southwest Airlines does an excellent job with their blog. It shows a very friendly atmosphere for not only travelers but also employees. To me it looks like they work very hard to keep a positive message at the front of the communication in their blog. I can’t say that I travel all that much, but after reading through some of the blog posts I would consider traveling with Southwest. Again there seems to be a lightness within the company that would be very welcoming. I am most interested in learning more about the company after reading and reviewing the blog. In today’s business world it is so important to stay in the front of the public’s eye. Creating a blog and Twitter account seems like the best thing to do. Especially in a world of smart phones. By putting their ideas and promotions out in a very open and public way they are able to reach a variety of people from many different cultures. I think it is very important for Southwest to continually think about their broad audience and develop messages that appeal to a wide variety of individuals. It is also very important to plan carefully what they are posting. Probably one way to effectively communicate is to consider the promotion that they may be offering and direct it to the type of audience that it would most benefit. Blogs seem like a...

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Communication

...Experts agree that good communication is one of the keys to being successful in today’s competitive job market. People must be able to communicate with each other on a daily basis to keep the work flowing in an orderly fashion, and to deal with work issues as they arise. Misunderstandings can lead to delays, which ultimately affect the productivity of the company. In the past decade, employers have been forced to cut back on the number of personnel in order to save money, and problems in productivity can be even more detrimental in a slim-downed work force. Communication in the 21st century is quickly evolving into one that involves less conversation, and more electronic sharing of information. While in the past, an employee might have a discussion with a co-worker face-to-face, today people tend to communicate via email or instant message. Either way, the old rules still apply regarding how to effectively communicate in the workplace. [pic][pic][pic] One of the most important components for successful interpersonal communication is clarity. People need to be able to understand what you are saying. This may seem obvious, but it is surprising how many people seem to think that excessive language makes them appear more intelligent and/or important. In conversation either in person or by phone, speak clearly, making your point quickly. Before you pick up the phone to make a call, have your points organized and be ready to answer questions if posed. If the person to whom you...

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