Manners and Chivalry: Dead in Society?
Thomas James
Composition 1
Mrs. O’Connor
28 November 2013

Abstract
Manners and chivalry in society have become a thing of the past. Today’s new technologies and peer pressure and marketing schemes of corporations, combined with lack of parent intervention have negated the skills. From the move of women into the workplace and to their full equality, men have lost their gentleman attitude toward the female species. In combination with lack of proper family time and negative detrimental media output, it has altered the way our youths act in society. Furthermore, turning our whole way of life as it used to be into something where we ask ourselves “do I want to bring a child into it?”

Manners and Chivalry: Dead in Society? A glance through history tells of days of women and gentleman and the well-known romantic courtships of history. Evolution of modesty in relationships of past, to the present open sexually explicit relationships displayed on television, have desensitized the worlds youth perspective on moral behavior. Has the gift of technology, and a hectic life’s work schedule, taken the parent away from the home so much, that kids are teaching other kids habits that parents don’t condone? The time has come for society to pull back on the reins on socially and morally unacceptable behaviors.
Chivalry, defined by Merriam Webster’s dictionary, states “An honorable and polite way of behaving, especially toward women” (Webster). This is a word that is not heard of frequently in today’s social media. Has the progression of women’s equalities inhibited the growth of manners and chivalry in today’s world? As well as, has this forgotten tradition of proper etiquette and manners in public, deprived our youth of a “do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12) lifestyle? Our roles as productive, responsible citizens in society are to preserve and nurture these traditions for the future generations.
It is amazing how we have come from the days of “Leave It To Beaver” (Tokar, 1957-1960), where the kids came home to mom cooking a nice dinner they kissed her, and it was “yes mam” and “no mam”, and “please’ and “thank you”. Remember the book “To Kill a Mockingbird” (Lee, 1960), where the father was an actual key role model in their children’s life for shaping and molding their minds, to better prepare them for the real world. Days when father’s taught their son’s to respect any and every woman they ran into. For example, opening doors, pulling out chairs, heck, helping them cross the street, or even unload their groceries. These are just some of the old ways and traditions of days past, and have been forgotten and over written by a completely self-gratifying world, where the only consideration is for one’s own wellbeing.
With today’s advanced technology, all of the social media out there connects children to anything and everything they want to see. Comedians joke and carry on about how they always had to sneak their Playboy’s and other pornographic material. Today, children can access the most explicit material they want as long as they have a smart phone or computer. Compounded by them being able to share with their friends whatever “cool” stuff they find at the push of a button. Desensitization is defined as, the diminished emotional responsiveness to a negative or aversive stimulus after repeated exposure to it (Webster). With this said, desensitization has spread like an infectious disease across our youth, and like any infectious disease that is not controlled, it can grow exponentially fast and furious. Without putting a disease in check by treatment, other types of medicines, and change of lifestyle, it can kill one that is not as strong or immune to it as others may be.
Ever since World War two, women eased themselves into the working role of our society. A grateful nation we were, as our men fought and our women went to the factories to pick up the slack. However, this was the beginning of independence for women without total reliability on men. Therefore it is this point in history where women changed the way they wanted to be treated in society.
Today’s equal rights amongst men and women have overshadowed proper manners and etiquette of how men treat women. All along though however, women have wanted equality amongst men but not to be treated any less of a woman. Today’s women want to be recognized for their deeds and their accomplishments, however in the end they still want to be treated like a woman by a gentleman. It is amazing today how a little politeness and chivalry can go a long way.
In today’s society we have the infamous facebook and you tube where everybody can get their “15 minutes of fame”. With so many parents working full time jobs and sometimes multiple jobs, they turn to the pc as the babysitter. The author feels that this is a huge mistake. Here is the first step in the break down in family interaction. The nights of dinner at the table by six, homework and studies done by seven, and families conversing with one another about their days, are almost a complete memory. With this in mind, when children are so impressionable and influenced by peer pressure of other children, this lack of interaction short changes the parents ability to instill good and decent morals and ethics let alone manners and respect towards elders. Every generation depends on the generation they create after them. How can we look at our children and the lack of manners and respect towards elders without blaming ourselves? If families don’t take the time to interact with their children and teach them right from wrong they have only themselves to blame. Children’s minds and hearts are like sponges, absorbing everything around them. Using the metaphor of programming a pc, if you program it to say one plus one equals three, every other user will get one plus one equals three. In summary, garbage input equals garbage output. With today’s plethora of negative media ads with the whole marketing scheme of sex sells has introduced sexual behavior earlier than our children need.
The military teaches its soldiers to respect the chain of command and to respect civilians to serve and to protect with undying loyalty and sense of responsibility. The author having been in the United States Army can attest to this training and way of life and concurs that these skills have proven to be very resourceful tools. The old theory “you attract more flies with honey than you do with vinegar” is definitely more productive to reach ones self-enlightenment. The days when soldiers were gentlemen and gentlemen were officers and treated their ladies with respect still exists no matter how far and few in between it is.
When you have a pop culture calling women “hos and bitches” (Dogg, 2006) and telling our youth “they ain’t shit”, what outcome can you expect with all the music videos of golden showers and strippers and barely clad dressed women, teaches our youth that this is acceptable behavior when in fact this is just the behavior that has created the downfall and sense of entitlement our world has become. With men getting women pregnant, not marrying them, and not supporting the children, it creates a fracture in the household immediately. The children left in the household with a single mother, who works her ass off to provide for those children, can’t help but to get frustrated and demonstrate bad behavior in front of their children. This is where a home needs to be a sanctuary not just a place to crash. If men and women together could communicate and understand when they create a child that that child is a gift from God. If men could accept the fact of women working to help provide for the household and women could understand men needing to be in the household they could begin to mend these lacking principles in life. If parents could take the blame for their roles in the creation of their children and understand that there is a reason it takes two to make a child given to us naturally by God for a reason. When you introduce love and God into a home and respect for parents and grandparents and strangers, you can begin to build the basis of a productive young adult thus minimizing the need of a child to seek outside sources of acceptance. Good manners and chivalry start at the home front but can carry all the way through society. As parents it is our role to provide this love and affection towards our children whether or not each parent hates each other’s guts, there needs to be a mutual agreement of providing for the child by both parties. In conclusion, it isn’t a secret that women like to be swept off of their feet. They like to feel special, doesn’t everyone? When we begin to treat each other the way we want to be treated and we put our feet in their shoes, we can begin to have an understanding and deeper more meaningful relationships. People may or may not believe in God and the Holy Bible yet it was written by man and if such wisdom was able to be written down before our calendar year even started, shouldn’t society learn from it? Because if men knew this back then, how have we advanced now if we don’t utilize these principles in our own families? Love, honesty, and tolerance of others are important yet we have to stand for something or we will fall for anything. Manners and chivalry are not dead, just illusive late models like vintage cars, and like vintage cars, we need to restore, polish, and bring them back to life.

References
Dogg, S. (Composer). (2006). Bitches ain't Shit. [S. Dogg, Performer]
Lee, H. (1960). To Kill a Mockingbird. New York: Warner Books, Inc.
Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.. (n.d.). Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.. Retrieved November 27, 2013, from http://biblehub.com/matthew/7-12.html
Tokar, N. (Director). (1957-1960). Leave it to Beaver [Motion Picture].
Webster, M. (n.d.). http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/. Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chivalry