Not willing to be magnanimous, can really create friction when you’re in a relationship with someone you have regular contact with. The situation usually progresses into a conflict because one’s goals do not match up and they simply become incompatible. William Wilmot defines an interpersonal conflict as an “expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals” (Floyd p.350). Basically to sum that up I am using the conflict I have almost daily with my fiance, Derrick. I have an issue I can’t get over on my own because I can’t get away from him, We live in the same house and he’s the father of my children therefore, I am interdependent upon him (which I would never admit to his face). Sometimes the thought goes through my head, life would be great if he didn’t exist, especially when we have incompatible goals. Reality strikes and prison just isn’t the place for me. Conflict is a part of life even if it’s about picking up after yourself because without struggle there is no progress. Usually the argument will start out as something like telling myself I really don’t have time to be cleaning up after everyone in the house. I tend to have intrapersonal conflicts (Floyd p351). more often than not. Doesn’t everyone talk to themselves? If all the chores were distributed equally, I wouldn’t be late everywhere I went. I could wake up earlier, but I already go to bed at an unreasonable hour and get minimal sleep. This is would be called a pseudo conflict, because something could be done to prevent the conflict. Did Derrick really mean to leave his socks on the floor, or was it an honest accident. If asking him time and time again won’t work to persuade him in my direction, I am not quite sure what will. Derrick knows how I feel about the situation. I have verbally expressed why not picking up his socks from the floor can escalate into such a huge argument. When t I that happens I tend to make some not so nice comments and my voice gets louder and higher pitched. He overlooks the mess and acts as if it’s not there. It isn’t until the conflict involves interference with the “Big Bang Theory” and complain, that he even really heard me. Our space is limited, and until we move into a house with an abundance of room that won’t look so cluttered, I don’t want the home we live in now to look like a pig sty. His main argument almost feels like I am entering war. I even have to present him with evidence (the socks I picked up for the hundredth time). We frequently argue because he works so much, and when he gets home “he just wants to relax”. Derrick wouldn’t bother with the household chores until he feels it is absolutely necessary. It seems almost impossible to satisfy both our needs at the same time. I want everything in its place and television seems to be his priority and doesn’t want to deviate from that task, this is an example of Value conflict. I just want to get rid of the conflict, so I unanimously decide to pick up the dirty socks I’ve seen in the same spot for three days. I could ask Derrick to pick it up again. I could even try to spell it out in layman’s terms, but what that would actually get me is much more work than I bargained for. This is where the Ego Conflict ties in, he would try to twist my words into something I never said, as if I were insulting his intelligence or attacking his self-worth. There is no trial atmosphere (Floyd p.354). Our three year old would probably side with the person who gave him a Milky Way bar that day, which wouldn’t be very fair in deciding who wins the argument. Conflict in inevitable because I’m not getting what I asked for. You can’t always have a mediator and sometimes you need to just learn to work things out on your own and let grudges go. I have learned that everything is not worth a fight and metaconflicts are harmful and induce stress. There are strategies to every conflict, we have both learned to see things from different angles and both try to be a bigger person, while setting an example for our children to follow as well. It’s all really about enculturation, if you weren’t taught to clean up after yourself you see nothing wrong with leaving socks on the floor repeatedly. I often accommodate Derrick’s needs and sacrifice my goal in order to “keep the peace”. If anything could have been done differently, I would have found a more collaborating style in which we both work together to find a way to resolve the conflict as a win-win for the both of us (Floyd p.376). And finally get Derrick to realize, all the extra time I spend picking up after him could be spent on more important things that matter, the children!

Works Cited

Wilmot, William W., and Joyce L. Hocker. Interpersonal Conflict. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2011. Print.