qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm Final Paper Conflict Utilization and Negotiation
[Type the document subtitle]
5/1/2011
Barbara Young |

We have a son who has moved back home and is a very involved nurse within the community where he works. Our conflict is how to move from being in a parent and child relationship to one of three adults living together with shared household responsibilities. The three of us need to negotiate finances, household duties and basic interaction while living together: realizing that when we live with others letting them have an idea of schedules. Until recently, we have been living as though Matt has always been with us. We are the parents and he is the child. This is not working on several levels. He is very self-sufficient, and can take care of himself physically and financially. He is living here to save money to buy a house. The conflict is that we want our home kept in a certain way and we feel that he should contribute financially because of his age and his ability. Matt feels that because his sister was here with her husband and child for a short time and only contributed food money that he should be treated the same. We feel differently because he offered to contribute when he first came home, but feels that he does not have to contribute any more. Two examples from my readings will be the base for establishing a starting point for our negotiations. The first thing we must establish is “the past is not the future”, we must live in the present. (Niven, 200). “Relationships need to be evaluated on your needs not others.”(Niven 2006). The Methods we use for negotiation need to “produce a wise agreement if possible, it should be efficient, and it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the two parties”(Fisher, and Ury,1991). We have composed several questions for Matt to respond and for my husband and me to respond. Our responses are our expectations of one another. We are going to look at what we have in common and where we need to work toward solutions. Our main objective is to maintain a working relationship. We have to separate our parent- child roles and come together as adults who need to be respectful of each other’s needs and not fall back on our previous roles. We must keep our objectives in view, an orderly home for us and a place for our son to live. . Constant communication, and respect for each other, needs to be the continuing goal. We need to keep Matt, focused on saving for a home when we are off track ,such as laundry not put away, we need to re-group not make a personal attack. Identifying the problem and not placing blame. Seeing each other as part of a team, helping both parties achieve what is important: the increasing bank account for our son and a smooth running home for us. Participation in the set objectives will help us to arrive at our final goals. We need not agree with one another, but be mindful of the other’s point of view. Meeting with both parties on a regular basis to update one another is helpful. Discussing areas that need improvement will keep small things from becoming overwhelming obstacles. We can allow one another room to express concerns without fear of personal attacks or judgments. Emotions ,will at different times be an issue. We must be mindful of this and empathetic, but stay on course. We have incorporated some of the concepts found in our readings of Fisher and Ury,(1991). The Methods, given by Fisher and Ury,(1991), have given us a solid start on our way to resolving our conflict. We realize that we are the owners of our home and that our son is living with us as an adult.
We have the power at any given time to request that he leave. This is a reality, but should not been seen as a threat. We have made a list of conditions that if met, will enable us to co-exist. The issue of power, one over the other, should, be kept at bay. It is easy to slip into the parent role if a situation arises; however, we must keep this in check and deal with one another as adults with a shared interest. When our son slips into a child mode, he also needs reminding of his role as a participating adult in a household with other adults. This, achieved by restating our shared goals and our individual needs one adult to another adult, maintains a balance of power.
This can be challenging for all of us because we have a long history in our previous roles. We keep respect for one another, paramount when discussing conflicts. When initiating conversation, we want to remember to invite suggestions to achieve an outcome, not impose one's will over the other. (Fisher and Ury,1991),discuss the balance of power and we will try to be aware of power balances and not to use it as a threat that will sabotage our continuing relationships (1991). The journey that we, in our new roles, have embarked can be for each one of us a learning experience. This is not a permanent arrangement but can be a teaching tool that can carry us into the next phase of our relationship. Listening to one another and acknowledging what we hear has resulted in improving our relationships. Approaching a conversation with curiosity and the possibility of learning something new is enhancing our understanding of each other. We are learning to ask more open-ended questions and giving concrete information before we jump to an incorrect conclusion. When we need to open a difficult conversation, we are more aware of the timing of the question and the right to answer at another time. We are more sensitive to time allotments for getting back to one another and completing a task. Acknowledging when we have fallen short and implementing a way to get back on track, has allowed us all to feel that we are being respectful of our agreements and each other. Stone, Patton and Heen, gave us a foundation to raise difficult questions and to work through to discuss issues that will lead to positive outcomes(2010). We implemented some changes in our interactions with one another; and established ground rules, working toward a peaceful living arrangement between my son and us. We have read the required reading and have tried to incorporate some of the theories into our daily interactions. We have found that there have been times when raising our children that some of the knowledge we have gained would have been useful. We would like to have meaningful relationships with all of my adult children. We will be referring too many of these theories when occasions present themselves. We will not let unchecked emotions keep us from resolving issues that are mutually beneficial to all of us. Some conversations are difficult and can bring to the surface unpleasant emotions and situations, but not raising these issues can lead to a festering that can only cause additional pain and conflict. Creating an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect, where we, as a family, can come together and express our fears and concerns can only reap a harvest of resolving conflict and creating harmony (Stone, Patton and Heen, 2010). Parents grow older and our adult children may have to help us make painful decisions about long- term care and adjustments in our life style. We as parents have cultivated open lines of communication; our children will engage us in attentive listening and allow us to express our emotions and our concerns because of our example. We begin the difficult conversations and know that we are laying the foundation. We can allow each other the space for making the decisions that need addressing, with both of us knowing that we did the best job and respected each other’s feelings and physical needs.

Fisher, R. & Ury W. (1991). Getting to Yes Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, England, Penguin Books.
Niven,D.((2002). 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships, New York. HarperCollins.
Stone,D., Patton,B. & Heen, S. (2010). Difficult Conversations, England, Penguin Books