Danielle Turnbull
English 265 Section 1
Schapiro
November 24, 2014
Self acceptance
“The Ultrasound” Arranged Marriage and “The Girl Deficit’ grows in India” In a mirror lies a reflection. A lie it is in that the reflection is partially determined by the person who stands in front of the mirror. In a patriarchal world, if that person is a woman, the reflection is often affected by the society of male dominance and unequal rights. How can self-image be perceived in a positive way for women? Self-Acceptance, much like self-esteem, at our deepest levels is either complete or not at all. Self-acceptance is something that is only achieved by those who can accept who they really are, “an acceptance of one’s self despite deficiencies” (Wikipedia.com). In some cultures, much like those of India in Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni stories in Arranged Marriage self-acceptance seems to be an impossible achievement. Many woman in India, in addition to many woman across culture, enter a life from birth till “chosen” by a husband that is pre-defined. Given that, how does a woman find self-acceptance? A true sense of self and love? In “The Ultrasound” Divakaruni and in a supporting article by the Boston Globe called “The Girl Deficit”, Woman are shown as people who are manipulated and forced to make choices against their will. “The Ultrasound” tells us a story of two woman and their pregnancy and how when the gender is revealed, for one of the woman their life made a turn for the worst. Woman in 3rd world countries and in this case India, are summoned to choose death of their own child if found to be a girl. If before birth woman are said to be a burden and in many cases forbidden to conceive with in a family, what value does this set for woman? The female protagonist will be unable to achieve genuine self-acceptance. In “The Girl Deficit” the article discusses and supports how these choices of female abortions has become a known epidemic. This epidemic is sure to influence the minds of many. In “The Ultrasound“ Divakaruni, In a second person narrative, a woman tells a story of her and her childhood friend and cousin who share pregnancy at the same time. Both woman were “chosen” in arranged marriage, as many woman are in Indian culture. Both marriages were very culturally different. “The god of marriage set us in such different places- me here in san Jose with Sunil, and her in provincial Burdwan. The eldest daughter-in-law of a big Brahmin family.” Anju, the one who tells this story, is a more modernized “American”. As she states in her story, she was “a lucky one”. Runu, on the other hand, remains in India living with her arranged husband and his family. She is treated and acts more like a servant then a wife.
“There’s so much to be done! Early in the morning I have to supervise the maid as she milks the cow. Then I make the tea for mother, she is very particular, I have to get the right color. Then I tell the maid what to get from the market. After all the vegetables are cut and breakfast and lunch and dinner to cook.” Trying to keep their sacred bond and friendship alive, the two woman continue to keep in contact through phone and letters when allowed. There is restriction to the amount of expensive calls made between the two. “Her mother-in-law doesn’t believe in spending money on long distance calls. She doesn’t even let Runu call her mother in Calcutta…” (Page 204) The story continues to contrast the differences of the two woman’s lives. This is told from childhood memory till present. “Our husbands are kind and dependable and take good care of us, In Indian culture that is the same as love.”(Page 213) In this statement the narrator clearly states the definition of “love” in Indian culture therefore making support what matters and feelings and emotions get left to drag behind controlled by someone else. “Like a good wife, she never calls him by his name, even in letters” (page 214) the story unravels the power and roles in the woman’s relationships. This shows the strength in the roles of the man whereas the woman weak and required to live with in rules. This can leave women to feel almost belittled and beneath there husband verses together as one, creating low self-esteem. Further, the story leads us with anticipation to the sex of both babies and the ultra sounds. This time for the woman is meant to be an exciting moment but for both women, becomes a piece of information that can change them for the better or worse. On the day of the testing, Anju and Sunil go to the test anticipation of the worst. Luckily for them, they happily receive the result a boy. Runu in India was supposed to have the same test that same day. “We planned it this way, changing my date to match the one her mother-in-law arranged for her” (page number 204) Anju anxious and worried, continues to try and contact her cousin. Eventually Sunil gets a call and passes the phone to Anju with concern due to the worry in Runu’s voice. Finally, the opportunity comes when Anju gets to talk to Runu, “with background noise of some public place- bells ringing, people shouting questions,” (pg. 223) Runu gives a very interesting piece of information she didn’t tell her cousin the first time at home in her short response. “They want me to kill my baby. The Amnio shows that it’s a girl.” (page 224) Runu continued to express her emotions. “My mother-in-law says it’s not fitting that the eldest should be a female.” “I wept and begged. I even threatened suicide but they’re adamant….” (page 224) Dirakaruni. At this point, the story goes on but to an abrupt end on a hopeful thought of what Runu will do from this point forward and the positive empty answers of the mind and thoughts of the narrator. It is not said whether Runu runs away and keeps the baby girl or follows with the abortion. We hope she found a safe place and peace, but in this culture, and in the “The Girl Deficit” statistics show chances are most would have went along with the families wishes. In India, an epidemic of “sex-selection” is at a peak. This is, when a family knows and finds out the sex of the baby and if female aborts the baby. John Donnelly of the Boston Globe, in January 2006 wrote an article on what they label “The Girl Deficit”. “The study, analyzing data from a national survey of 1.1 million households; calculated that 500,000 female fetuses were aborted each year in India” (page 2 Donnelly) In this case, Self-acceptance in a woman is nearly impossible when before birth she is rejected. How do you build self-worth in a life in which in most cases the child being a female becomes a burden. In a society where woman are controlled, rejected, judged, and forced to make decisions on aborting the life of her own child can the female protagonist ever really achieve self-acceptance. The answer, no. Most woman are married off in an arranged marriage and no choice in who takes them. Some of these relationships have the potential to end in domestic violence, seclusion, and rape. This type of life for a woman in it sadly can become a norm and in some cases can result in suicide. How little a woman must love herself to take her own life.
“We live in a very unequal society, he said. Women are not equal on any level… In our society, we also accept violence against women. In America violence is very open. In India, the violence are within families. It is socially sanctioned to kill our girls.” (“The Girl Deficit” Sabu George)
This statement clearly is an example of how society affects woman. In India violence is confined and accepted. Imagine, defined by gender and living with no voice. Self-acceptance in these environments, just a female fetus in a mother’s womb has no room to grow. Woman in India do not have ability to gain self-acceptance. In addition, woman with no freedom to define themselves in controlled cultures, are forced into or feel obligation to be a victim of “sex selection” or like Runu in the story “The Ultrasound” Divakaruni, accepts there self-based on what is socially accepted. They will do this to avoid repercussion by a family of the fetus, dishonor, or to avoid a worthlessness that may be labeled on them for the rest of their life. Within these circumstances, I believe there lies an emptiness that cannot be fulfilled or even a choice to do so. In relation, my thought is Similar to Nature verses Nurture. Self-acceptance becoming a learned behavior verse internally and individually created and accepted in a woman. The acceptance in woman, if any, is because of obligation. Usually, this obligation is society based and altered for the husband and his family that has “chosen” the woman. In most cases the woman is controlled and unable to live the way that they choose. How could it be genuine if it has no opportunity to build? In conclusion, I piece together my beliefs in concluding that self-acceptance and self-love is only attained by an individual. In the story “The Ultrasound” and article “The Gift Deficit” the female protagonist never really achieve this self-acceptance. Self-Acceptance is achieved when it has an opportunity to build. It is when that individual accepts fully who they are despite any flaws or infidelities, a pure love internally. Self-acceptance is something much deeper then what I refer to as social acceptance. In relation, in the article “The Girl Deficit” by John Donnelly, we see statistically the facts of an epidemic on the rise. This is not only altering population but sending a bigger message of gender dominance and the burden and rejection all for being a woman. This problem shown in a story “The Ultrasound” Divakaruni was the intimate story of a friendship that showed the power of a man and his family verses a woman and in many cultures, in this case India, that power can even define the life of that woman’s daughter. It showed inequalities in woman rights as well as a level of “worth.” We as human beings and as woman can adapt to nearly anything but at the end of it all, the ability to feel acceptance and love who “you” are is altered incomplete or simply never achieved. The influences are invisible, but in a mirror there lies a reflection of the woman who stands behind it a lie it is.