Enrolling in school was one of the hardest decisions I [Avoid use of the first person (I, me, my) in academic writing unless writing about a personal experience. First person use may be allowed by the instructor. ] have ever made; the fear of going back to school after twenty [Express numbers higher than nine in digits (when not the first word in the sentence)] years was overwhelming. The first step of the process was, finding out ["finding out" is a "phrasal verb," two words that together mean something different from their individual meanings--looking up each word in the dictionary would not produce the meaning, which could cause misinterpretation in an international business communication. Use other words, like "discover" or simply "found"] if I have enough time to go back to school? [Writing suggestion: Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing. A good idea is to provide answers, not questions] Working 40 hours a week and then [consider removing "then"] adding schoolwork on top of that, [Remove comma (unless it introduces a nonrestrictive phrase)] was a hard decision to make. After talking with the placement counselor I found that part of the process was easy. The next step was also easy, paying for it. I used the post 911 GI bill to pay for my tuition. [What point are you making in this paragraph? Try including a topic sentence.]
Once the payment and time were not an issue, the feeling that I would not do well academically was the next problem. I finally made the choice to enroll in school to obtain Bachelors [A possessive adjective requires apostrophe s -- 's] in [if this refers to an academic degree, Bachelor's is spelled with an apostrophe before the s (and unless with the name of the school, the degree name is not capitalized)] Science of business management. I soon found myself, stressing out and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] waking up in the middle of the night, wondering what I had gotten myself into. I went to the first night of class feeling very nervous. I was the first student in the room and when all [Writing suggestion: "All" or "all of" used as an intensifier very often can be removed with no loss of meaning] the other students showed up it got worse. Besides the instructor I was the oldest student in class, and I think I was not very far behind her. As the class took place and the teacher started explain the process, and what [Remove comma (if the following is not an independent clause or last element in a series)] was to be expected [The passive voice is a form of "be" (be) and a participle (expected). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Prefer the active voice. For example, passive voice = The paper was completed on time. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time. See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] of me academically the anxiety decreased and I thought to myself [Redundancy--Remove the "to myself" phrase (to whom else can one think?)] , I can do this .
The decision making process described in the text would not have made a difference during my decision to enroll in school, but it will make me think about all future problems that I have to deal with . I followed a process that got me back into school; it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Since [Check word choice--"Since" is more precise in referring to time (meaning "after that"); otherwise use "because"] I started back to school, I have found myself trying harder to be a better student and accomplishing assignments in a timely manner and applying myself to strive for the highest grade possible in every class I take.