Baldwin’s trials and tribulations with love were much more varied and less committed. He admits to being in a somewhat intimate relationship with an older man from Harlem that he loved but in a “boy way,” most likely a reflection of the innocence of the affair. For Baldwin, being a black gay man often came with its own large string of burdens and conflicts. Baldwin in fact described how he could walk down the street and be incessantly harassed by men and called gay slurs but these same people in private would be attempting to sway Baldwin to follow them back to bed (Baldwin 684). Baldwin expressed discontent at this strange dichotomy by stating that he had “no fantasies about making love to the last cop or hoodlum that had beaten the shit out …show more content…
One of the most prominent responses to antigay discrimination was internalization of this hatred. Gay people were made to appear inadequate and thus began to feel inadequate themselves. oint made about internalization of anti-gay feelings. Donald Vining and James Baldwin both experienced some feeling of inadequacy at some point in their lives. Donald was a bit more open with his life and didn't face a lot of the same prejudices that Baldwin did. He faced little outward contempt from others though certain feelings of a deprecated sense of self came about in other forms of his life, such as in his writing career where he often felt he was not good enough. He also adjusted to the outward feelings of hatred by doing certain things in secret as can be seen in one of the final entries in the excerpt where he says his private goodbyes to Ken in a bathroom away from the public’s eye. It was a shame that he knew he had to hold inside away from everyone. He often felt he was very discreet about hiding his homosexuality which is why he was much surprised when a man told him that he was “a real nice guy. A little fairyish but nice” (38). This sent Donald into a mild depression as he had thought that he was n now way overt with his homosexuality. He felt that he could be a target for people in the “normal world.” Donald thought that he had established a “double life” of sorts where he could intermix in both straight and gay settings without being suspected of crossing-over, a common response to antigay