Business 100W Assignment One Fifty Points
ASSIGNMENT I. Email Revision. Due to SafeAssign by noon on April 16th
This first paper will expect the student to revise a poorly written (and, where appropriate, redacted/altered) email, one that was actually recently written within a medium sized company. Students will be expected to apply the skills conveyed through lecture and the assigned texts to revise and rewrite, within a certain set of parameters, the email that is under consideration. Lecture, discussion, UWP writing sessions (mandatory), and the Lanham will be particularly germane to this assignment.
This first assignment is the briefest of the lot and requires no oral presentation.
Context and Scenario: A friend of yours, Miguel, has heard that you are a strong writer, and he seeks your counsel regarding an email he needs to send. Miguel has learned from co-workers like Milton how important clear communication is. Being the generous person you are and are known to be (you have cultivated something of a reputation for this), you have agreed to help your friend Miguel write that email. Miguel explains that he wants to write his supervisor (Lauren Alvarez), a person whom Miguel is about to meet for the first time. Recently hired by Tech-Shield, Lauren is quite excited about her new position and eagerly awaits meeting her team of analysts. While Miguel has not actually met his supervisor, he has a number of recommendations he thinks his supervisor may be interested in. The recommendations are important and could benefit everyone involved, but they are not all equally important.
Decide what ideas you think are most important to include in the letter, keeping in mind that this is a first correspondence between a mid-level analyst and his supervisor. Also, decide which ideas are best to omit. Rely heavily on the Paramedic Method, Sentence Shapes, Voices of Authority, and the Economics of Attention. In other words, consider the Lanham carefully as you reconstruct what you believe to be the most essential parts of the letter. You need not, nor should you, retain all parts of the letter; in other words, use your best judgment -- that is, evaluation -- to cut anything you feel is superfluous for an initial interaction. Heavily editing and revising the remaining portions of the letter is also expected. Finally, frame the letter in an appropriate manner for the context, one that lowers the Lard Factor and articulately delivers the message in a professional way. Remember, first impressions in business are critical, so considerable attention should be paid to tone. These first impressions can make or break deals, and first impressions more often than not are now negotiated through virtual media like e-mail, the format for this assignment.
Create a hard copy of your message, but present it as though it were an email. This first assignment will be formatted as though it were an email, but you should include
your name, your TAʼs name, and the date as a header before you begin the email format. A subject line should be present in the fictional email and should signal the beginning of the email. This assignment (one to two pages) is due by noon on April 16th. While the syllabus stipulates that the assignment must be at least 250 words, you have license to use fewer words if you think you can communicate effectively in a briefer format. What follows below is a first draft of the email Miguel initially jotted down.
Subject Heading for Email: Changes To Be Considered
Dear Boss Lauren,
Thanks for reading this message!
I have heard a great deal about all of yur accomplishments (CFO -- Chief Financial Officer -- of Solar Enterprises and Managing Director of Accounting at Enviro Tech for example) so Iʼm thrilled to be meeting you, and Iʼm looking forward to seeing you because of the many great things Iʼve heard. You are
1) very engaging
2) very quick
3) well informed
I know you want to meet on Monday, January 20th. That day is really bad. I mean really really bad. Iʼm very busy, and Iʼm sure you are to so letʼs bag it. I have a number of reports that are due on the 20th, and I need to fulfill my responsibilities regarding those reports. I really canʼt emphasize how important that material is for me. You may or may not understand because you are just starting at Tech-Shield. Simply put, I can meet on the 22nd, so letʼs make that the date if you are OK with it.
Now, letʼs talk about what is wrong with the company in case you like the recommendation and prior understanding of the problems weʼve had -- and boy, weʼve had some problems! Here is my opinion:
1) We are not paid enough because of all the budget strain and the expenses we incur
2) We never get to wear Hawaiian shirts
3) There is a gender imbalance in the work force
4) Promotions have been based on nepotism
5) The company requires us to work well above fifty (50) hours a week.
6) There is no opportunity for advancement
7) I am frequently asked to work on short notice
8) I am expected to travel every other week (and this everyone thinks is unnecessary)
Ms. Alvarez, your knowledge and expertise are critically important to this company, and many of my co-workers, myself included, hope to benefit under your supervision. I welcome a meeting at your convenience, and, aside from a minor commitment I have on 20 January, I would be excited to discuss your ideas and the direction of the company.
But you already know that. Let me get right to the point. This company, Tech-Shield, has done well -- continues to do well (mostly from all of the extra work me and my co- workers have done). for example, I gave three presentations last quarter -- all around the same time --, and i know my boss at the time (not u of course) didnʼt appreciate them. The reports addressed key aspects of financial corporate liability because the quarterly profits of the company had declined. We discussed a loss of $200,000 and how to improve our performance. The presentation was candid, and we suggested a form of conservation to curb expenses with Tech-Shield by installing auto-sensors for the lights, encouraging ride-sharing programs, and introducing a day care to help address the expectation of longer hours.
These ideas worked like nobodyʼs business. In fact, we not only saved the two hundred thousand dollars lost on productivity (amazing, huh?), we cleared a profit of twenty thousand dollars. We are “da bomb.”
But wait, I have more ideas to address the problems (see numbered problems above). We should stop hiring relatives (like the current CEOʼs nephew) and I think Fridays should be casual days. Scheduling is always a challenge, but perhaps meetings that coordinate travel expectations and additional hours might benefit all and eliminate miscommunication. We could have flex weeks -- something you may not have considered. Instead of fifty hour weeks, we could have employees alternate hours for each week. Some employees who had more time on a particular week could work more hours on that particular week and then work less on the following week. Everybody wins and nobody loses. We could add more employees -- like a lot more employees. We could inform all of the employees about the daycare facilities and promote them.
We already have these facilities, so there would be only a negligible affect on the budget. We could be more efficient by not training people to do new jobs.
I hope you will understand and appreciate all of these ideas. You should put them, or at least some of them, to good use. Iʼm looking forward to meeting you, and I know Tech- Shield will be much stronger with you at the helm.
TTYL,
Miguel Wilkens