It was all in ruins. The ancient ruins that have left the world of human civilization was once called Honolulu. It is June 27th, 2021, and the weather is sunny and hot. It is noon and everything around is in ruins. Car wrecks and old military outposts scatter throughout the entire city, revealing a horrible and desolate war zone rather than a beautiful and prosperous city that it once was. Then there are footsteps approaching close by. A young woman is walking through the ruins, scavenging for materials and any other useful thing that she can find. As she looks around there is no one else in sight for miles. It is just her and against the world. Even though there are no humans left, there are other... inhabitants that roam the ruins of Honolulu. From the experience that she has with them... they don't like humans.

Around three in the afternoon while she was scavenging for supplies, she caused a loud noise that caused the wreckage to scatter all over the ground. It may seem like a simple blunder, but what she did right there was essentially signing her own death warrant. The so called "residents" were attracted by the noise and soon began to "meet" her. Their skin was grey, eyes were yellow as lemons, and their flesh was rotting away. Others would call them abominations, which they were, but they bear the name most people know them as zombies. Worst part is, there are literally thousands of them scattered all over the island, always searching for new food and people to feast on. They were walking at a dead man's pace, but don't let that fool you. They are lethal if not engaged them properly, and they will kill anything they please.Even though the woman knew that, her blunder called the entire block of those monsters and revealed her location.
"Oh shit. This is not good." The woman realized that she needs to haul her butt out immediately. She checks her gear and clothing to make sure that nothing is damaged. She dons a old military camouflage uniform with brown combat boots that have faded in color. She is wearing a pair of black fingerless gloves that are turning old with age due to the color of white appearing on it from all the wear and tear. She wears a military olive drab backpack with some straps coming apart, but it was still able to hold its ground and perform its job well. On her left shoulder was a sheath with a combat knife inside in case she had to fight in close quarters. On her waistline, there are pouches to hold various objects that she finds throughout her scavenging, but most of them are filled with ammunition for her main weapon, which in this case is a gun. The gun itself is a old AK47 with evidence that it was put through some serious abuse, but still came out strong as the victor. The woman hastily patted herself down to make sure nothing is missing, and she began to make a run for it. Soon the zombies began to chase her down. The woman was running frantically, panting as she ran and while at the same time, can hear her panic crossing her breaths. She ran through the bridge that leads into Waikiki, and almost immediately, the bridge was jam packed with the zombies. Even though they are dead, they do not stop until they get what they want. They want to feast on her beautiful and soft flesh. She knew that is what they wanted from her. Hell, that is all they ever want. But the zombies soon began to close up upon her. She quickly turned around and opened fire with the abused but efficient AK47 and managed to take some out. But that did not even halt their movements even for a brief moment. As they kept coming, the putrid stench of rotting flesh was upon her nostrils. She began to cough and motion vomiting, but she knew if she stopped for a moment, she would be dead on the spot. As she kept running, she realized that there was nowhere left to run. She thought that she was going to die.
"I wanted to live my 21 years on this god forsaken world without any regrets. Now there are too damn many..." Then she noticed a small military checkpoint. There were concrete barriers that made into an hexagon like formation. What she noticed soon after was that there was a military vehicle that was posted at the center of the checkpoint. On top of that vehicle was a machine gun that was worn out, but still looked functional. As the groaning noise from the zombies came close upon her, she immediately jumped inside the barricade, went on the vehicle, positioned herself in the gun turret, and loaded the weapon.
" Eat hot lead, you undead freaks!" She opened fire upon the zombies. She was yelling and the same time laughing like a maniac who just experienced the greatest euphoric orgasm ever. The only thing that was seen at this point was the empty bullet casings were pouring out on her right side while the zombies were literally becoming paste of rotten meat within a matter of seconds. Her fury was being continuously being dispensed indiscriminately against the zombies. She kept firing until the barrel of the machine gun became glowing red hot. She stopped firing to recover her bearings. She looked around to see that all of the zombies chasing her were killed. She took a small sigh of relief, and continued throughout the day. Just like any other day... What images are most transporting.
To me the most transporting sentences were where you described honolulu in 2021 “Car wrecks and old military outposts scatter throughout the entire city, revealing a horrible and desolate war zone rather than a beautiful and prosperous city that it once was”

And also when you were describing the main character. The way you described ever thing she was wearing down to the color and how old and worn down it was really lead me to believe that she had been on her own for a little while. Then how you went into what each thing was for really lead me to believe that this woman had to become a warrior to survive.

2. Are there sections where you were confused.

Yes at the end of your fourth paragraph where she is running from the zombies and was on the bridge I was confused weather she had stopped, where she was on the bridge, and weather zombies were coming at her from both sides. After this you say she sees a military out post I was also confused on if she was trapped where was this outpost?

3. Where are the places of greatest energy and least energy

Greatest was when she was running and when she opened up the machine gun on the zombies. To me there was no lowest energy I was just put down a little bit on the places where I was confused as I have described above.

7. Is the dialogue efficient, realistic, tense.

I liked the dialog, but a little more description would be nice. While there were spurts of description it wasn't even, and without it I was some times left confused. I do wish that we hear a little more from the girl like what she was thinking, feeling, the looks on her face, how she looked after being left the only person left in Honolulu.

10. What structure does this piece use and are there any structural weaknesses.

The structure used in this story was declaring victory the hero lives happily ever after and the loser suffers. This story shows this in detail and as for structural weakness there was non, and just a small bit only in one scene.

During this piece there is constant acceleration, very little deceleration. I felt like I was running right beside her so there fore I couldn't find any place to label “PACE” As for finding examples of energy the section I highlighted as GOOD PACE is great for subject and word choice. The only thing this piece is missing are leaps. Like why is honolulu full of zombies, why is she immune things like this.

I also reread this piece and put in red small corrections that could make this a stronger piece.

It was all in ruins. The ancient ruins that have left the world of human civilization was once called Honolulu. It is June 27th, 2021, and the weather is sunny and hot. It is noon and everything around is in ruins. This is the second sentence in a row that you have started a sentence with “It” You many want to consider other way of starting a sentince. Car wrecks and old military outposts scatter throughout the entire city, revealing a horrible and desolate war zone rather than a beautiful and prosperous city that it once was. Wonderful descriptive words Then there are footsteps approaching close by.Maybe you hear the foot steps approaching remember Sellers says to use all senses. A young woman is walking through the ruins, scavenging for materials and any other useful thing that she can find. As she looks around there is no one else in sight for miles. It is just her and against the world.Maybe write about what her face looks like, maybe what kind of emotions she may be feeling. Even though there are no humans left, there are other... inhabitants that roam the ruins of Honolulu. From the experience that she has with them... they don't like humans. Around three in the afternoon how do you know its three? while she was scavenging for supplies, she caused a loud noise elaberate on this noise like she reaches for a pry bar that was under some car parts and after she removed it they came crashing down causing a horrible noise…. that caused the wreckage to scatter all over the ground. It may seem like a simple blunder, but what she did right there was essentially signing her own death warrant. this is a great crescendo, My heart really started to beat faster after reading this and it made me want to read more. The so called "residents" were attracted by the noise and soon began to "meet" her. Their skin was grey, eyes were yellow as lemons, and their flesh was rotting away. Again great description maybe you could elaborate about their figure such as their humanoid figure so we can paint a more specific picture in our head. Others would call them abominations, which they were, but they bear the name most people know them as (which is) zombies. Worst part is, there are literally (DELETE) thousands of them scattered all over the island(which island) maybe say the island of Oahu , always searching for new food and people to feast on. They were walking at a dead man's pace, but don't let that fool you. They are lethal if not engaged them(DELETE) properly, and they will kill anything they please.Even though the woman knew that, her blunder called the entire block of those monsters and revealed her location.
"Oh shit. This is not good." The woman realized that she needs to haul her butt out immediately. She checks her gear and clothing to make sure that nothing is damaged. She dons a old military camouflage uniform with brown combat boots that have faded in color. She is wearing a pair of black fingerless gloves that are turning old with age due to the color of white appearing on it from all the wear and tear. She wears a military olive drab backpack with some straps coming apart, but it was still able to hold its ground and perform its job well. On her left shoulder was a sheath with a combat knife inside in case she had to fight in close quarters. On her waistline, there are pouches to hold various objects that she finds throughout her scavenging, but most of them are filled with ammunition for her main weapon, which in this case is a gun. GOOD PACE. The gun itself is a old AK47 with evidence that it was put through some serious abuse, (elaborate why you think it has gone through such about, are there scratches, dents, missing pieces?) but still came out strong as the victor. The woman hastily patted herself down to make sure nothing is missing, and she began to make a run for it. Soon the zombies began to chase her down. The woman was running frantically, panting as she ran and while at the same time, can hear her panic crossing her breaths. Great job incorporating emotion into what she is doing.She ran through(to) the bridge that leads into Waikiki, and almost immediately, the bridge was jam packed with the zombies(from which side? The side from where she ran to the bridge or the other side leading in to Waikiki?). Even though they are dead, they do not stop until they get what they want. They want to feast on her beautiful and soft flesh. Again great description but could probable be turned into one sentence. She knew that is what they wanted from her. Hell, that is all they ever want. But the zombies soon began to close up upon (in on instead of up upon) her. She quickly turned around and opened fire with the abused but efficient(DELETE) AK47 and managed to take some out(how many? and from where?). But that did not even halt their movements even for a brief moment. As they kept coming, the putrid stench of rotting flesh was upon her nostrils. She began to cough and motion vomiting, but she knew if she stopped for a moment, she would be dead on the spot. Great description and incorporating other senses. As she kept running, she realized that there was nowhere left to run. She thought that she was going to die. CLOSE- UP If your going to keep this last sentence you need to elaborate earlier if she stopped and if zombies are coming from both sides of the bridge, other wise this sentence doesn't really make sense.
"I wanted to live my 21 years on this god forsaken world without any regrets. Now there are too damn many..." Then she noticed a small military checkpoint. (where? in the middle of the bridge? on the other side which side left or right? be more descriptive There were concrete barriers that made into an hexagon like formation. , but What she noticed soon after was that there was a military vehicle that was posted at the center of the checkpoint. On top of that vehicle was a machine gun that was worn out, but still looked functional. As the groaning noise from the zombies came close closer to upon(DELETE) her, she immediately jumped inside the barricade, went on the vehicle, positioned herself in the gun turret, and loaded the weapon. (how did she know to load the weapon, being in the military it take time and practice to load different machine guns. Maybe write that the gun apeared to already be loaded and all she had to do was pull the trigger.
" Eat hot lead, you undead freaks!” She opened fire upon the zombies. She was yelling and the same time laughing like a maniac who just experienced the greatest euphoric orgasm ever. The only thing that was seen at this point was the empty bullet casings were pouring out on her right side while the zombies were DELETE becoming a paste of rotten meat within a matter of seconds. Her fury was being continuously being DELETE dispensed indiscriminately against the zombies. She kept firing until the barrel of the machine gun became glowing red hot. She stopped firing to recover her bearings. She looked around to see that all of the zombies chasing her were killed. She took a small sigh of relief, and continued throughout the day. Just like any other day… I like how you leave it hang, it makes me feel like anyway she could do this and other things to defend her life.