Raising Children the Second Time Around

Being a grand-parent today can no longer be considered a traditional role. Long gone are the days when we spoiled our grand-children and sent them “home” with mommy and daddy. With both social (neglect, child abuse, drugs and jail) and economic (lower wages, higher expenses) pitfalls of today more and more grand-children are being raised solely by their grand-parents. According to the 2010, Census there are over four and a half million children raised in grand-families.

My role as a grand-mother, to Piper Reanne, was drastically changed from spoiler and nurturer to that of the parent in the fall of 2005. After financial hardships, incidents of neglect and other safety concerns, my daughter and I sat down to discuss me becoming Piper’s “primary” caregiver. After contacting the Clerk of the Court, we wrote the Caregiver Authorization, which is nothing more than a notarized letter, filed a copy with the court and Piper moved into my home. The long forgotten sound of a child laughing, a full on belly laugh, once again filled my home. My days of sleeping in late, getting up and going wherever and whenever I wanted were a thing of the past. I had to adjust back to packing a bag before going anywhere and doing everything for two. Our lives moved forward.

In the fall of 2007, Piper was taken, by her mother without permission from her paternal grand-parents while they were on a shopping trip to Wal-Mart. While they were checking out, my daughter arrived; taking Piper by the hand and started off in the direction of McDonald’s to get ice cream. Once her paternal grand-parents realized that Piper and my daughter were not getting ice cream they phoned to ask if Piper was at home. Knowing that Piper was supposed to be with them, I panicked, trying to get all of the information I could. They knew nothing, except her mother took Piper.

I hung up and dialed the police; they explained that there was nothing they could do since I had no information to give them. They advised me to try and reach my daughter to see why she took Piper and when or if she would be bringing her back. After several frantic hours of calling my daughter she finally answered her phone, explaining she wanted her daughter back. When I asked her why she didn’t do this, taking custody, the right way she explained this was the only way to do it. I asked what Piper would be wearing since all of her clothes were at my house; she stated that she had gotten some clothes for her from Goodwill and friends. The pain from hearing Piper call out for me was unbearable; I wanted to do whatever I could to make the pain go away. I knew that meant getting Piper back home. Several days later my daughter called, said that with her new baby, she could not handle Piper too. If I wanted to, I could come to Mississippi and pick her up.

After contacting an attorney, my ex-husband and I drove eleven hours straight to Mississippi. Our attorney, Mr. Cox, had contacted the Mississippi State police and explained the situation to them giving them the location of where we were meeting so we had protection for the exchange. I prayed the entire time that my daughter would not change her mind again. Once we had physical possession of Piper, my ex-husband and I drove as fast as we could to the state line with a police escort. We stopped to get Piper something to eat, wash her up and put on clean dry clothes. Once we arrived back in Texas, we called Mr. Cox, to let him know we arrived safely. He told us that we had a court hearing the following Monday morning for a Temporary Restraining Order. This would allow the police to arrest my daughter if she tried to remove Piper again from my custody. Two months later, we had a formal hearing, and granted Custodianship of Piper.

Since “coming home” all those months ago, life has been pretty predictable for the two of us. Going off to work and school (daycare or elementary), going to doctor’s appointments and hospital stays. All of the things a “mother” would do for her child. Taking vacations to see the whales and ocean for the first time with Piper made me cry, as I finally stopped and saw those things through her eyes. Being a grand-MOM as she sometimes calls me is the greatest gift I could ever have. Piper is a Talented and Gifted Student, some say that is because she was raised by an older adult, teaching her that knowledge is one of the greatest assets she can have, has been a joy for me.

I look forward to the future because hers is so bright. As a TAG third grader she is working on endless possibilities such as special Science and Math projects and new languages. She all ready knows American Sign Language and Spanish, courtesy of Dora and Diego. Piper has signed up for the Student Council and is an active member of Choir, the Homework Club and the Step Team. I can see her graduating from high school early and moving onto college in record time. She has named everything from singer/songwriter to the President as what she wants to be when she grows up. I have no doubt Piper will become whatever she wants to be. Choosing to go from grand-parent back to parent was the best decision I ever made. Truth be told I have the best of both worlds, I can parent ninety-five percent of the time and still “spoil her” the rest. I am proud of my non-traditional role in my granddaughters’ life.