Final Assignment
Misty White
COM/155 University Composition and Communication I
1/16/11
Paul Neuhausen

Final Assignment I think that paragraph five is an example of more effective writing than paragraph one. In paragraph one the sentences are very short. It is very hard to see were the writer is going with this paragraph. All of the sentences sound the same. I can get lost trying to rearrange the sentences as I read so I can get the writers point. Paragraph five is the total opposite. I had no problem getting what the writer is trying to say. The paragraph flowed smoothly from beginning to end. The first sentence leads way to the next and throughout the paragraph. The writer used sentence variety by asking questions and grabbing the readers’ attention. Theirs one thing that I would change about paragraph five is the last sentence; I would use something that does not sound the same as the first sentence. Paragraph five I think is the best written of the two.

In the feedback from WritePoint there were many suggestions on my final paragraph. One of the suggestions was in my first sentence, I used the word “feel” to describe what I think of the difference between the two paragraphs that I reviewed; Writepoint gave me a clearer writing suggestion saying,“ if “feel” is used in the sense of “to believe or think”, it is a cliché and vague; use believe or think.” I think that this is a great suggestion. I was trying to have variety in my words but “feel” is not the right word to be used there. Another suggestion that I found to be helpful was on sentence eleven. I wrote “one thing I would change about paragraph five that is the last sentence”. Write point said, “Wordiness: see if you can remove “that” or “that is”. After looking at the sentence I revised it to say, “One thing that I would change about paragraph five is the last sentence.” I removed