Chronister, Barbra
Dr. Silcox
ENGWR 101
2 December 2013

“Finally, I Understand Why!”
Have you ever had a conversation with your significant other and walked away thinking, “was he even listening to me?” or “did he hear a word I was saying?”. Have you ever experienced a confrontation with your boyfriend, because he swears you meant something you said one way, when in fact you meant something totally different? Has your husband ever been telling a story to some of your friends, and when you cut in to help him support his story, he looks at you like your trying to take over? All of these scenarios can be extremely frustrating. If I had a dollar for everytime it happened to me, I’d be a millionaire, twice over.Yet, these are some of the conversational obstacles couples have to overcome, sometimes everyday. I, myself, got lucky. My brilliant English professor assigned a book for our class to read, and believe it or not, it has actually helped me. My conversations with my boyfriend, seem to flow a lot smoother now, thanks to some of the things I read in this book. This amazing book called You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen, talked about all of these issues. I can honestly say, I agreed with every point Tannen made in her book. Tannen talked about how men and women have different conversational styles, like when it comes to listening. Tannen says, “ When a woman is confronted with a man who does not say “yeah”---or much of anything else---she may conclude that he hasn’t been listening.”(142) Tannen also says, “To a man who expects a listener to be quietly attentive, a woman giving a stream of feedback and support will seem to be talking too much for a listener.”(142) Finally, Tannen says, “ To a woman who expects a listener to be active and enthusiastic in showing interest, attention, and support, a man who listens silently will seem not to be