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First 25 Blondes Rhetorical Analysis

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STORY COMMENTS ON FIRST 25 PAGES
MAYALICE is a psychological, supernatural thriller that presents with a very smart, high-concept premise that can make for a franchise series.
The idea of an old printing press that constantly reproduces endless money is a great concept for a thriller. There’s plenty of room for conflict, tension, and character exploration. Moreover, the idea explores the moral argument of greed and how far one will go.
The first 25 pages sets up the goal and the stakes feel fairly high and personal. The tone is dramatic and surreal, fitting with a supernatural thriller. There’s a bit of a gothic atmosphere.
The first 25 pages use some of the elements that make for a successful thriller, such an isolated setting in a Victorian …show more content…
The opening is very well crafted and immediately hooks the audience. It’s sets up Mayalice, the printing press, and the signature sound of the printing machine. The suicide hanging is a strong element.
The first act also nicely sets up the ordinary world of the protagonist Kate. One quickly learns that she was adopted and is now inheriting a house from her biological family. It’s a smart choice. The audience quickly becomes invested with Kate.
In the first act, there’s a solid inciting event with the discovery of the hidden printing press and the belief that the house might be haunted. The first act does a nice job of building anticipation regarding finding the printing press. Hearing the signature noise first creates suspense and eventually the finding makes for a strong payoff.
The rest of the plot is driven by the use of the money and the deadly …show more content…
Later one realizes it’s a vision, but make sure it’s clear in the scene.
Perhaps cut Ben saying, “Why aren’t you excited?”
The portrait of Regina is creepy and nice, but consider cutting Kate saying, “pretty girl” as it sounds a bit awkward (creative choice).
When Kate walks into the master bedroom, show the curtain moving and then she finds the vent.
The closet scene with Regina is nice and creepy, but consider cutting the part when Kate mouths “help” etc.
Cut Ben saying: “I gotta find a cell tower,” as it sounds contrived.
Not sure what Ben’s slips regarding “May” means yet, but this may come later.
The idea of Kate smelling smoke on him is nicely done.
When they first find the printing press, they need to be more in denial that the money is real (was in the former drafts – questioned if it was real). There should be more resistance.
Break up this scene when they find the money. End it and then begin a new scene in a new location as they look at the stack of money and ponder whether to use it or not.
When Kate tells Ben she thinks the house is haunted, make sure he has a

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