Flunking Out of College: 101
College is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane. Many students may question themselves on rather they should drop out at least a couple times a week. It just is not for some people, but worry no more. I am going to explain how to flunk out of college swiftly and efficiently. No more crying at least three times a week and eating ramen noodles for every meal.
Where one sits in the classroom says a lot about someone. First, sit in the very back of the classroom. This basically indicates no fascination in being there. This is great because shopping online and texting is so much easier. Oh, and falling asleep. This is so simple to do and requires completely no effort at all. It is one of the best things to do. All one has to do is stay out all night partying with friends.
Partying can be the next step to the process of flunking out of college. Parties happen quite often in college so finding one isn't hard to do. Joining a sorority or fraternity can also guarantee to be invited to parties. Make sure not to be one of those boring people at parties. Learn how to do it, and do it well. Who cares if there is a test to study for the next day, stay out all night and don't go home until the sun is coming up. The main goal is to not know anything on the test so failure is basically a guarantee.
Next, do not take many notes in class. Whatever the professor is saying is not useful in flunking out of college, so who cares. Make sure that the notes you do take, don’t make sense at all and they are unreadable. If one actually listens all the time in class, he or she might actually know a question on the test, and that is a big no. It is best to know absolutely nothing about the topic being gone over. Doodling on the paper that is supposed to be used for notes is good because it makes time go by a lot quicket. This can pretty much guarantee a failing grade on the test, and that is what we are aiming for, right?
Do not do any homework that is assigned. If one insists on doing a couple of the assignments, make sure to copy. Copying is one of the best things in the process of flunking out of college. It assures that a person has no idea what the homework is even about. Be sure to copy word for word, do not change anything around. The professor will definitely notice that it is not your own work and will be insured get a failing grade or even a zero.
Next, do not go to class. It is not like the information presented in class is even useful. Going to class is not an efficient or swift way of flunking out. It is best to skip on the days of a test, some professor's do not let a test or exam to be made up, which is great because then a zero will be given and tests are a big part of the grade. In some classes, attendance is a portion of the grade.
Procrastination is everything. Do everything last minute and just throw it together. Especially on papers, never proofread a paper and do as poorly as possible. Pretty much just wing everything done in college. Do not keep a planner, it's not like it matters if something is actually turned in on time. Planners indicate that someone's life is actually together. If we are trying to flunk out of college, it probably is not.
Always keep a negative attitude towards anything that has to do with school. The professor will more than likely hate you, which is what we are aiming for. I mean by this time, they definitely despise you in every way possible.
Next, work a full time job. This ensures that there will be no time to study and work on homework. Also, take a lot of classes. There will be so much homework and things to study for, no way anyone can do good with that much pressure and stress on them. If something, for example a paper, is stressful, just do not worry about it. It is not like it matters anyway. Take that zero and be proud of it.
Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. I can't stress enough how important this is to flunk out of college. More than likely the professor will realize what is going on. Cheating can lead to suspension or even being kicked out of the school. This is the easy way out. Once a person has been kicked out, this means the ultimate goal has been achieved. Cheating only requires a minimum amount of effort.
Another great thing to do if one has not been kicked out yet, is to cram. Cramming is one of the worst ways to remember what is going to be on the test. Put everything before studying. Always hang out with friends or just watch Netflix, even if there is something to study for. Never take time out of a day to study. There are more important things to do.
By this time, the Dean has definitely notified the student about his or her grades. Here comes what we have all been waiting for, being kicked out of school. All of the professor's are fed up with it and so is the Dean. They could care less what happens to the individual at this point, they are just glad the student is gone. Once this goal has been achieved, it is time to finally have a life. No more trying to get a degree or a good job, that is so pointless. It is now time to be a lazy bum forever.