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Being assertive does not necessarily mean being aggressive. These two behaviors are quite different in their manners. Someone who is assertive allows the problem to be discussed whereas someone who is aggressive usually participates in a one-sided conversation with little listening to the other side. Someone who is aggressive usually "shoots first" before addressing the problem. Assertiveness is an ability to take action in a positive, sincere, respectful, and confident way. It is also an ability to communicate directly using language that is to the point, taking initiative, focusing on solutions, addressing problems, taking ownership of problems, and bringing the problems to a close. Assertiveness can also mean being firm, patient, persistent, pushing someone into action, encouraging, and not compromising on the solution to the problem. Assertiveness requires flexibility tailored to the individual and the situation they are placed in. People usually have three obstacles that keep them from being assertive. They are: poor communication skills, low self-esteem, and a fear of conflict. An assertive response would be: "I have some concerns about whether the idea will work. My concerns include….Please help me to clear up my misunderstandings."
The assertive person does not focus on winning as such, but rather on negotiating changes to benefit himself or herself and the other parties involved. They are very clear on what they want to accomplish. The communication needs to be planned out in order to sell the idea and not seem as if the assertive person is nagging or dictating.
Assertive speaking is an important communication method that is usually paired with active listening. When someone speaks assertively they are expressing themselves in a confident, direct way both verbally and nonverbally. They are speaking up to make a point but allowing for other's ideas to be shared as well.
An assertive person looks at a problem with solutions in mind. Assertiveness is one of the most powerful communication tools a person can possess. Effective assertive communication involves several specific personal skills such as assertive speaking, touching, writing, body language, non-communication, learning about other people and developing an understanding of emotions. Verbal communications can literally cut across cultural, religious and personal beliefs. Not to mention the listeners emotional state that could directly affect their understanding of what is actually being spoken. Males, females, young adults and children all have their own interpretations of certain words, tones and body languages. No one person can ever expect to be 100% effective when it comes to dealing with these many interpretations, but with enough understanding a good communicator can be successful the majority of the time. In many respects effective and efficient communication really is what the appearance of being assertive is all about. According to The Arthritis Society article, Assertive Communication (2003,

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