Gender Differences in Communication

Introduction
Is it truly impossible for men to understand women? Are men as simple as people make them seem? Men and women are very different. They communicate in different ways. Stereotypically, men are extremely dissimilar to women when it comes to communication. If men and women are examined separately, there would be many differences in how they interact with each other.

Method
To see just how different men and women are, two groups of people were examined. There were college aged males living in a fraternity house. There were also college aged females living in a sorority house. The men of a fraternity house at a university were studied. They were observed at meal time, study time, and at times when they were in rooms relaxing. At a sorority, the women were observed at a meal time, study time, and in main rooms socializing.

Results
Observations made while at the fraternity were very interesting. During meal times, the men had a lot of interaction. They all sat together at a long table and there were conversations between two people as well as conversations with the entire table involved. The topics of conversation ranged anywhere from classes to crazy girlfriends. There was talk about plans for the day and a lot of talk about their favorite foods the cook had made this year. When men entered the room, there were greetings and handshakes with those that passed each other. During study time observation, there was very little interaction. Men sat at desks with barriers. Most had headphones in and only stopped to ask a quick question or show someone a web site. The observation of the men in down time resulted in a good amount of communication. The interaction ranged from sports, girls, family, and life. There were only four men in the room and the conversation was much more personal than at the lunch table. The men asked more personal questions and it was a very relaxed environment. The men’s non-verbal communication was also noticed. They were very relaxed and their bodies were sometimes sprawled or slouched. They didn’t use a lot of expressions or body movements.

At the sorority, observations were quite different. At meal time, there were a few girls at multiple tables. The interaction mainly involved week plans, a few funny stories, and classes. During study times, they sat at tables with one to three other people. There was much more interaction during their study time than when the men were studying. The women’s conversation was mainly small talk during this time. When the women were in the main rooms socializing, the conversations were usually one-on-one. These conversations were a little more personal, but not in big groups. The women of a sorority used a lot of animation when speaking. There were hand motions, facial expressions. They were much more proper and had good posture when interacting.
The observations confirmed the hypothesis. When men and women are separated and are interacting with those of just their gender, they act in very certain ways and do things that are specific to their gender. Women typically speak more openly about feelings. This was noted when the women of a sorority were observed. Men are usually more closed off. Feelings are not expressed, especially in big groups such as at the lunch table. According to Deborah Tannen, expressing feelings is not the only subject on which men and women communicate differently. Tannen believes that men find status important and when they converse, they look for ways to have power in the conversation. On the other side, women look for connections and try to build relationships. Men are very competitive, even when in conversation. Women look for closeness. Men try to stay independent and avoid being bossed around. Women look for equality in conversations (Tannen, 1990). This definitely showed in the observations. The men had a very hierarchical way of interacting. The women on the other hand, speak to everyone on the same level. Tannen also states that a man’s goal of conversation is to get information across. She says that a woman’s goal of conversation is to maintain interaction (Tannen, 1990). This was apparent when observing men and women during their study times. The men were focused and spoke for very specific purposes only. Women were also extremely focused on their work but stayed interacting with one another. Although, Dannen has made generalizations, and there are obviously exceptions to the rules, her theories are supported by the research that was done in the fraternity and sorority houses.

Analysis and Discussion
Men and women do not communicate the way they do for no reason at all. These tendencies start in childhood. It is not choice but it is enculturation that makes men and women who they are. All children play games as children. As we all know, boys and girls play different games. Boys play games like baseball, football, basketball, cops and robbers, cowboys, and war. All of these are hierarchical games (Norton, 1998). In these types of games, they learn to strategize, compete, and hide emotions. When playing sports, they learn to take orders from a coach and then become leaders themselves. This is a very hierarchical way of playing as children. They also learn in sports to compete without being emotionally entangled with their opponents (Norton, 1998). This reflects directly to how men and women communicate as adults. The men of the fraternity were friends but when communicating, there is always competition and they hardly ever let any emotion into the conversations.

When girls play as children, they usually do not play in large groups. Many girls played with one or two close friends. A majority of the games girls play as children are games that do not have winners and losers. Games such as dress up, dolls, etc. are not competitive. They are focused on getting along with one another and maintaining friendships (Norton, 1998). This was seen in the observations of the sorority during study time. The girls maintained friendly interaction with one another the whole time. Girls as children do not have hierarchical games and try to avoid losing their friends. As women, they focus on maintain relationships and keeping power even.

It is important to see men and women as two different cultures. Men and women can even grow up in the same culture or even the same household but they grow up in a gender culture as well. Each gender culture has its own structure that leads men and women to communicate the way they do. When you take men and women as two different cultures, it is easy to see why it is difficult for one gender to understand the other. They go through different enculturation processes. Although, men and women are extremely different and must overcome linguistic barriers, it is key that they can work together (Braedyn, 2009). Being able to collaborate allows for both genders strengths to be fully taken advantage of.

Conclusion
The observation of interactions of the men of a fraternity and the women of a sorority truly showed these gender cultures. Seeing men interacting with one another and women interacting with one another separate from each other displayed how each gender communicates. After seen separately, it is easy to understand why they communicate the way they do when they are together.
Works Cited
Braedyn, A. (2009, December 8). Gender Communications. Retrieved from suite101: http://suite101.com/article/gender-communication-a196747
Norton, D. (1998). Gender and Communication—Finding Common Ground. Retrieved from Leadership News: http://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/uscg/gender_communication.htm
Tannen, D. (1990). You just don’t understand: women and men in conversation. New York City: Ballantine Books.