Let me be clear that the fact that men are visually drawn to women does not make it okay to engage in lustful looks. It is not a wise practice for any man who wants to protect his marriage, and in many cases it can be an issue of sin. Jesus said that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28). So while your husband is likely being honest when he says he has no intention of doing anything beyond looking, the act of looking can still be a problem, especially if he is replaying it in his mind later. Not only that, but in his situation he is not even trying to be discreet about it when you’re around, and that is cause for concern. If he freely looks when you are with him, how bold is he when you are not present?

1) Whenever we go anywhere, could be a reception, stores, etc ( basicly anywhere there are other people) he looks/stare at girls/women.. I have been married for 8 years and been talking to him about this ever since. I have asked him several times not to do it, that it bothers me. He says he likes to look, that everyone is different. The next time I caught him staring, I told him you can stare all you want when I am not there, just don't do it infront of me, .. I sometime ignore him but not all the time... it really hurts me..
For eg. we were doing grocery shopping the other day when he saw this girl and he looked/stare at her, its like she had a magnet on her body.. He couldn't help looking.. He is looking at the girl then he saw me looking at him, he then turned away, then looked in the direction she went in... I just walked out the store.

Please let me know how to handle this, he says all men look.. I said they look but you stare.. ahh! this is making upset
2) It`s really a shame that one of these women he is ogling doesn`t put him in his place.
Wouldn`t that be great?
I bet he wouldn`t be looking so close anymore!
Terry
3) The fact is that he IS doing something wrong. You've asked him to stop and he continues to do so even though it hurts your feelings. He's doing something that pleases him with total disregard for your feelings.
Tell him he's not allowed to go anywhere with you anymore until he can control himself.
The next time he says he isn't doing anything wrong, point out that his blatant disregard for your feelings IS WRONG.
Good luck to you.
Jennifer
4) I'm not married. But I sometimes read here.
You say girls and women. How old are the girls that he is staring at?? Do they appear to be teenagers? If so then I'd say yes there is a problem definitely for sure.
And each time he says there's nothing wrong with looking, tell him there is a lot wrong with it when he is continually hurting your feelings which is disrespectful to you.
Dr. Phil would have a field day on this one.
5) As a man thinketh, so in his heart is he."]
I believe that starring leads to "other " things. Just from my past experience. Yes, there is something very wrong with a man who stares at other women. He's married, what does that mean ?
Men look, but they should aknowledge and move on...not oogle. The fact that he lingers means he's toying with something dangerous. It sounds like an addiction, if he can't stop. What if one of these gals turns around and flirts? What then?
Just my thoughts....
Smiguet
6) my husband says he loves me and he would not cheat on me ( as if he was going to cheat on me , he will actually tell me). He does not want to talk about it when I tell him how much it bothers me when he's looking at other women.. we haven't gone anywhere in public, together, in the past 2 weeks, so I don't know if he has decided to respect my feelings.
Now I see he is going to porn site, anywhere on the internet to see naked women . he doesn't do it infront of me. what am i suppose to do now? could it be he has a problem?
7) I think the kind of staring he does is a form of abuse - ok, everyone can notice hotties, but to accentuate that as he does? He's taunting you. "Oh, honey, look, here's a chick that's so good-looking! And I wouldn't mind getting it on with this one! And that woman is hottt!"
Basically, he's telling you "Honey, you are not The One. You are easily replaced. I'm attracted to so many, because I don't have respect for you and your feelings. And I can go further with them (and maybe I would, if you are not there). You are but a drop in the ocean, and not so special."
That's emotional abuse in my book. It's a very cruel form of belittling you and benefitting off whatever insecurities you have.
That's not "normal". That's abuse.
8) I think a little bit of looking is quite healthy whether the man or the woman is doing it. However, if he is taking it to the extreme and staring women down in most situations then he is going a bit too far with it since he is supposed to be married. I think it's disrespectful for a man to stare at other women when his own wife is in his presence and my husband knows this. He claims he doesn't even look at them when he is without me but I'm sure he does glance. It's only natural for anyone to do that. Heck, I look at a good looking man if I see one. But there is a difference between looking and staring them down.
9) I know what your going through. My husdand does the same thing. It really hurts. My husband looks at women alot younger then me. There is a college in the town we live in. I really can not compete. I have 2 children, Least to say I cannot run around half dressed like these girls do. My husband and I are both in our early 30's. I guess I can't blame him, They are in his face everywhere we go. I have asked him to stop, but like your husband he say's he's not doing anything wrong. I have gotten where I won't go out anywhere with him. I go alone or with my children. I think I might try some of the advice that was giving to you. I'm sorry to here so many people go through the same thing. I know there is nothing in here that has helped you but because you sumitted to the message board it has helped me!! :-)
10) I'm sorry, but that is really eery, the way you describe it. I am going to give you my honest opinion, and I hope it doesn't hurt you more then you've been hurt. But you deserve to be happy. And it doesn't sound like you are.
I know you've been with him 8 years, but if he really loves you, he'd stop.
1.) It's disrespectful to you. It's as if you don't exist.
2.) he knows it bothers you, but doesn't care.
3.) He manipulates you by saying he is not looking. Spending time cuddled on the couch makes you happy. Going out to dinner makes you happy. Great sex with someone you love makes you happy. This doesn't make you happy, not in a marriage. He may be oogling because he just has a problem.
If he loves you and wants to keep you, he'll go to counseling.
If you are daring, and willing to risk it, leave. Tell him if he doesn't have the respect for you that you deserve, you don't need to waste all this negative energy on him. I hate to say this, but I'm not so sure he'll chase you. It doesn't sound like he cares what you think. I sure hope I"m wrong.
You do not need to be in a marriage that makes you unhappy. Obviously, this is huge for you. It would be for me.
Good luck and keep getting yourself help. It is not a bad idea for you to go to a counselor. It would justify your feelings.
Debbie
11) I agree that men and women, married or not, look at attractive members of the opposite sex. Its human nature. The fact that your husband not only looks but stares at other women while your right there is disgraceful!! Sorry, I just cant believe he could be so disrespectful to you so that he can "make himself happy". Even after youve told him how it makes you feel.
Ignoring him is just telling him that its ok or that he can get away with it. As far as him saying that hes not doing anything wrong,well we already know the answer to that one! If hes checking out other women while his wife is right by his side... ITS WRONG!! If he disregards your feelings again I wouldnt bother with the marraige councelor!
12) It could any number of things.

He could be socially inept and isn't aware of how creepy he is.

He could be liking what he sees, but not liking the fact that he is liking it.

He could very well be a dangerous man with thoughts of harming the women he's watching. In which case, there could be any reason under the sun as to why he wants to hurt you.
He could just be on drugs.

There are plenty of reasons he could be like this. If I were you, though, I would keep an eye on him and I would make sure I was never in an area where I was alone when this guy is around.

13) Your husband has a problem. This isn't a couple's counseling problem, this is a bigger one, a personal one. Be careful. Your husband is hurting you, teaching your kids wrong behaviour, and making these other women uncomfortable. He has a serious problem and if it continues could lead down a very distructive path. You don't have to believe me, go to a counselor and lay it all out for them, they will tell you.
I did this with my husband and was shocked by what I was told. Your husband sounds like he is even further down the path than mine. Mine could resist some of it in my presence still. However, that kind of voyuerism doesn't lead to anything healthy. You can't force your husband to change, so you need to get educated and find out why you stay with a man who treats you so poorly. Work on yourself first, then your decisions will become easier.
Please just do something...your situation is not healthy.
14) Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. You are with "your man", walking down the street, holding hands and some random woman walks by and "your man" gawks at her like you are not there. That so gets under my skin! I don't mind him looking but please don't disrespect me and our relationship by freakn' staring at her.

So, I have to ask for a man's input here - Why do men stare or gawk at other women when they have one right by their side? Why?

15) Look but don't touch! Some guys drool when they see an attractive woman; others glance. Maybe it has to do with a guy's level of maturity or lack thereof. The availability of online porn and "girlie" magazines overstimulate some guys and feed their insecurity. I bet that a lot of the droolers would not have the nerve to interact with a woman he saw on the street. I agree with Kat; gawking would make me uncomfortable.
16) I'm not sure why men do that. And it really is rude and disrespectful. My boyfriend doesnt do it to me(blatantly) but today there was a man holding on to his woman and her back was facing me but HIM.....he was all up in my business. and it REALLY disgusted me because she looked like she was in that position of vulnerabilty and she needed her man comfort and I was not dressed so spectacular. I felt sorry for her and embaressed. I"m not even sure why I felt embaressed but i did.......jerk.
17) I am soooooooooo glad I don't have to worry about that anymore!! My fiance is all about respect - we went through a relationship with someone who disrespected him and cheated on him and he would never, ever do that - when we are out together, I am the only woman in the room according to him! My ex-husband on the other hand was a gawker - hence why we are divorced!!!
18) If I catch him doing it, I mention it or say, "Do you want me get her number?" He stares more when he's tired. Otherwise he just glances. Half the time he doesn't seem to notice he is doing it.

When a guy is walking with his girl and gawks at me, I have been known to turn and say, "What are you looking at, you are with your girl, UHG?!"

Now I just give them a 'what are you looking at' look or ignore them completely.
19) If they look, that's fine. Hey, I look too when a man nearby is super hot! But gawking - that's another issue alltogether. Once a gawker, always a gawker. I dated one once a long time ago. I got rid of him. He wouldn't stop it so after a while he just ticked me off to the point where I had enough of it. He just had to go...there was no end to his gawking.
20) I have seen younger men do this a lot. Guys in their 20s and early 30s. A lot of them still don't realize many extremely attractive women are ugly on the inside.Or just really dumb.The older and more experienced they get they grow up and just plain look like, "oh ok she's attractive" - but realize "yeah whatever - she's probably a high maintenance b***h.
21) it's ok when a guy glances at you, but all out staring is kind of creepy and weird. even if we are wearing tight clothes, maybe we just like the clothes, i think it's ok to give glances but not just out right stare. it is a little weird to have someone you dont know just staring at you.
22) It is uncomfortable when it is someone you know or out with and if it is excessive. It just depends on the situation that it happens. If a guy is staring for a long time from a distance it can be creepy or if a guy that we are with keeps doing it through out the night it is aggravating.
23) My EXhusband used to stare at women while we were dating, too. I confronted him about it and said it was very disrespectful to me. A casual glance is one thing, but he would stare at woman until she caught him, and then she'd look at me. It was humiliating. He promised to work on it and had them play "I Only Have Eyes For You" for our first dance at the wedding. Some things never change, and for this and various other reasons, the marriage lasted 17 months.
24) I can sympathize.

I dated someone I'd met from EH for 4 dates. He was also a rubbernecker which is why I'm not seeing him anymore. It was really too bad because we had good conversations both in person and on the phone, but talk and actions are two different things. I've thought about his quite a bit...... I live in Miami and there are a LOT of beautiful looking people running around half naked here and it must be difficult for a guy to not have his brain in this pants.....but give me a break. The men are just as good looking, but I'm not giving myself whiplash ESPECIALLY when I'm out on a date and trying to get to know the other person. I think the last straw was when he said he liked the short shorts and high heels younger women are wearing these days.......HELLO? IS ANYBODY HOME?...... The last time I wore short shorts and high heels was.........o wait that wasn't me, that was the pole dancer..... I believe I'm attractive, look good for my age, smart, funny, have a great career, I've better things to do than wait for his wandering eyes to come home to their sockets.

You should move on and find someone that deserves YOUR attention.

Good luck girlfriend!
25) While you were in his presence, gawking (as apposed to innocent glancing with glee) is not only disrespectful to you, but to the woman he is staring at. When I'm with a date I make it a point to focus only on him. You're not insecure, as he suggested. He's a schmutz and wouldn't deserve my time.
26) Hey!! I dated that guy...lol ;-)
Guys that do stuff like that are insecure themselves. They do that to see if the woman will look at him and he'll feel he's "worthy" and still attractive. He does it out of his own insecurity.
It was never your issue..it was his and it will always be his issue no matter what girl he ends up with. He will do the same thing all his life.
27 )Sheesh not only did He have a gawking complex sounds like he had some control issues too every one looks to a certain extent but it sounds like your x was a bit of a pervert.
28) 10-03-2008, 08:32 AM
As a man I'm ashamed of how your husband treats you. Yes, it is normal to notice other women. However it is completely disrespectful and unacceptable to do so in such a manner when you are married and especially right in front of you. If he truly loves you he would care about how you feel and respect you. I see instead a man that treats you more like a possession than a wife. I'm sorry but if he doesn't stop his cruel actions I have no doubt he will eventually drive you away and he will have lost one very special person.
29) Husband keeps staring at anything that walks practically? my husband wont walk beside me when we are out in public. he will walk so slow that i am forced to walk ahead of him at just a normal pace of walking. i've noticed he does this when there are cute women around. if we take the kids out to a kid place he will go play games alone like he isn't with us. he will stare at other women with babies in their arms trying to pretend he is looking at something else.

when we were dating he did the same thing. he would walk behind me. i dont know what to think anymore.

i almost brought up his staring at anything that walks but i didnt' because he calls me jealous or ridiculous and it always starts a fight.

what would you do?
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
He doesnt love you. This should have been dealt with before you got married and unfortunately now his actions appear to have become worse. Jealous or ridiculous? What does he think the woman he is staring at with babies in their arms are saying about him when he stares at them? You should bring this up to him and perhaps let him see you staring at men to give him an idea of how silly he looks when he does it to you! I wouldnt jump out of your marriage because of this but if he doesnt stop, recommend you attempt to get counseling before your next question is why didnt I realize my husband was about to have an affair. * 2 months ago * Report Abuse * 1 person rated this as good
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Asker's Comment: i think your right. he is easily irritated with me. he acts like a prick to me most of the time.