Global Warming and The End of The World (As We Know It)

It’s the year 2505. Our hero, Joe Bauers, awakes in this time period after being in hibernation for some five hundred years due to an Army experiment; to find that society has been drastically “dumbed down”.

The first thing Joe noticed was that he was sitting in someone's house. He had flown through the window, and landed behind some random guy's recliner. After getting yelled at and kicked out, he finds himself on an abnormally large pile of trash. Feeling a bit woozy and attempting to take in all the bizzare sights around him, Joe walked around town in search of a hospital.

The first thing Joe should have noticed, was that the world (or this particular city in this particular time) was ruled by idiots and advertisements. The world's food supply is now controlled by fast food chains, like Carl's Jr - who's new motto is: "F*** you, I'm eating." The fast food chains are not even restaurants anymore, but mere vending machine type things, that occasionally just take your money and then tell you to "come back when you can afford to buy something;" because, "Your kids are starving."
A big-name sports drink, similar to Gatorade, with "electrolytes" has replaced water (except for in the toilets) and the company itself, Brawndo, bought out the FDA and eliminated the food pyramid, while also employing millions of people. Costco is no longer a warehouse that sells items in bulk for cheap, but an all-powerful, all-purpose monolith with a train station.

The second thing Joe noticed on his way to the hospital was that all of society was "dumbed down", less sophisticated. When Joe tried to speak to people, he found that he could understand them, but his casual English was too complex. All of the cities' inhabitants still spoke English, but the sophistication of the language had been reduced to slang and street jargon. When he arrived at the hospital, he was greeted with a receptionist, but she wasn't smiling. She pushed buttons and directed him to the appropriate room via voice recordings instead of talking. Joe meets the doctor and tries to explain his time travel situation, but is deemed retarded by the doctor and gets charged for a visit. "Where's...where's your tattoo?" the doctor asks, nervously. "Why come you don't got a bar code?" Joe then learns that everyone has a bar code tattooed on their wrist, it's how these people in the future pay for things. The doctor, freaked out, pushes a button to call for security. Joe jumps out a window and runs down the street.

Eventually, Joe realizes that humanity has become so incredibly dumbed down, as a result of unintelligent people reproducing and intelligent people failing to have children, that he is now the most intelligent person in the world.

The cops find Joe near a Carl's Jr. machine and arrest him for not paying the hospital bill, and not having a tattoo. In court, Joe's lawyer happens to be the guy who's house he crash-landed in earlier. His lawyer, named Frito, ends up helping the prosecution, and gets Joe thrown in jail. In jail, Joe takes an intelligence test and gets a bar code tattoo. After taking the test, he escapes jail and hides out at his lawyer's house. Joe asks Frito if there's a time machine that he can use to return to the past. Frito says there is, and offers to take him to the machine after Joe promises him billions of dollars which will result from 500 years of interest in a bank account Joe promises to open in the lawyer's name, once he returns to the past. On the way to the time machine, they end up wandering around a city-sized Costco to find the train. Near the train is where Joe got arrested again, and is ordered to the White House to speak with the president (President Camacho), who is amazed by his IQ.

In the White House, Joe becomes elected part of the President's cabinet, to help solve the world's problems (food shortages, crippled economy, mountains of garbage, etc.). One of the bigger problems along with the food shortages, is global warming. The cities' air is heavily polluted due to all the trash build-up and smog from the cars constantly running everywhere. It's the future, these people don't care about smog checks or the fact that they could get hit with acid rain on a daily basis! Joe decided to work with one problem at a time.

First he helped solve the food shortage problem: by discovering that the idiots were using Brawndo as an interrogation system to water the plants, he had them replace the sports drink with water. At first the idiots didn't believe them, because they didn't see results right then and there. But when a camera feed showed the plants growing on national television, they were satisfied. The president was so happy with the results, that he promoted Joe to Vice President.

Next, Joe set out to stop global warming. As a first plan of action, he had everyone stop using cars. The Costco train was shut off as well. Then, he went to eliminate the trash that kept piling up. Before he was able to successfully do that, though, something happened that would change the world. A small hole was opened in the ozone layer, and the sun peeked through. The rays that struck the Earth strategically managed to hit the huge piles of trash, causing a gigantic fire. The fire caught and spread all over the city, and eventually engulfed the entire world. The oceans weren't big enough to stop it. In the end, the world, and every one of the stupid people, exploded.