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Mind boggling success of IIM Kozhikode Mess : How did it happen?
IIMK Mess, 2:15PM, 7th July,2014
“I am dying to eat mess food. I have been in queue from 1.50!! However, still there are 50 people in the queue. And some people are jumping the queue” said a section A student who is also known as Chhota Packet Bada Dhamaka. This is the everyday story in IIM Kozhikode Mess, during lunch, breakfast, dinner and even during SNAKE time!! The huge success has shocked everyone including PGP17 seniors who are now found complaining about non availability of Mess Food across all the media. Kool dude of Section A has even demanded that 18ers’ timetable should be changed so that 17ers can enjoy more of the Mess food. “PGP18 should eat somewhere else in Kozhikode!” said BRO from Section A while sketching the mess food, reflecting the mood of PGP17 students.
Taking credit of the phenomenal success, Mess Manager Alibhai claimed that A-Diet of IIM Kozhikode has become an International success. Not only international students love the food at Mess but some of the fans have even started website in China to give tribute to Alibhai for his mess food which also has been a huge success like IIM K Mess, claimed Alibhai, referring to Alibaba.com .However, it was not easy to achieve such a huge success, said Alibhai. “Every manager is concerned only about profit and it was no different here in A-Diet. We used to try and make very pathetic food so people would eat so less that we could made huge amount of Money. However, after PGP18 came, I realized that our food tastes much tastier than we initially estimated. So I decided to make even more pathetic food but anything we made tasted a lot better. Recognizing this opportunity, we have started to make curry of random vegetables and dead mosquitos collected in Mess crushed in mixer and mixed with water calling it Paneer Butter Masala to realize increased profits. We also have started to make Rasam using just rotten pineapples and water and spices which too tasted amazing” claimed Alibhai pointing to the huge queue in the Mess.
However, Biologists are refuting the claim of Alibaba saying that somehow evolution has a lot more role to play here. “I took the admission in IIM K because of its horrible mess food apart from the fact that there were 55% of the girls in the batch. Horrible mess food would have ensured that I would become thinner in the times to come which will increase my attractiveness. However, I think due to pressure cooker situations in IIM K has exponentially increased the speed of evolution. I think mirror Neurons in human brains have now adapted to eat mess food and treat it like a booze!” said Doc while explaining the phenomena. Some scientists from Keggfarms, who are famous for developing Kuroiler breed of Chickens which could survive on any food, have even approached IIM K for research. “Our chickens could survive on any food but could not survive on Mess food. After trying for years, we had in fact given up on breed which could survive on Mess food but when we heard about A-Diet success through Alibaba.com , we were sure that IIM K students have evolved unimaginably. By researching on Gens of IIM K students, we want to understand which gens affect the tolerance and even liking for Mess food.”
But success of A-diet is not good news for all in Kampus. Bhooki, a venture that relied heavily on bad food of Mess, is the worst hit of all. “Reviews of mess food were amazing. So I took LEAP OF FAITH and went to Mess from A Hostel. The food was amazing and as per the reviews. And suddenly I realized that Bhooki is in trouble. But Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” said one of the review freak Bhooki member trying to fit in IMDB top 10 movie dialogues. But not all the Bhooki members are sceptical. “I think this has opened up a new opportunity for us. And before I go for Forex, this will earn me fortune which I will be spend in France” said another Bhooki member on whose (sur)name, RGV had made a movie in 1998 to demonstrate her capabilities. To explain further, she added - “Although we can no longer skim people by bringing outside food, we certainly see opportunity in serving Mess food. We see people having lots of trouble in getting mess food. We see a huge demand of serving mess food at their room. In fact, we think that it is even high volume, high margin business. In fact, we are even thinking of investing in pipelines of mess food from which one can get daal,sambhar, sabji in their room since everything is 99% water, 0.5% spices and 0.5% random stuff mixed together. Also we will throw chappatis in the balconies like newspapers are thrown. Only for rice, we will have to make some extra efforts.”
When we approached Messcom for their comments, one of the MESSCOMOR said while counting Calories of Mess food “Mess food to Homesha se Ochha tha aur Mere aane k baad AOUR bhi Ochha ho gaya he!” The news of huge success of mess has also reached faculty block where one of the faculty approached us for the copy of the article. “AS SUCH, I want to take 6 classes of Messfood case from next year instead of Dabbwala AS PART OF IT for my subjects!” said the faculty while making weird facial expressions.
One can only imagine the reasons of the success of Mess food but certainly it has created whole new ecosystem revolving around Mess food in IIM K. Only time will be able to tell us the larger impact of this success but certainly the times are changing in IIM K.

Disclaimer : This is entirely a fragment of my imagination and I do not intend to hurt anyone. Please forgive if at all you are hurt.