Reflective Journal Entries 7/8
Liberty University

W6 #7. In the Burley-Allen text it discusses many different concepts and characteristics that go into forming a thought process of an individual. One thing that I found interesting was the way that the chapter talked about first impressions. Burley-Allen (1995) says that the danger lies in our retaining, out of our total experience, those things that fit into our frame of reference. In my opinion this is saying that we base and associate other individuals with different situations that we have encountered within our own lives. Just because a person claims that they are from a rough neighborhood does not mean that the individual is any less or more than the person judging them. However because of the way that humans are programed we automatically assume that when we hear someone coming from a tough upbringing that they are rough around the edges. We unconsciously block other behaviors that don’t support our impressions, in an effort to be right about understanding the person (Burley-Allen, 1995). It is impossible for someone to get an accurate and fair read on somebody by associating them with things of their past or even situations that you have been through in that past. When we listen at level 1 awareness of how this process operate within ourselves, we counteract this tendency; thus, we reduce resistance and build rapport (Burley-Allen, 1995). This proves to be very helpful in growing relationships with others.
W6 #8. Over the course of a conversation many things have the possibility to take place. There have been times where I have been talking to an individual and mistakenly have said something that came across as hurtful or aggressive. According to Stewart (2012), hurtful messages are one of the ways that people attempt to assert power. During conversation things may become a bit tense and this is when these messages are more likely to show up. Being able to get your point across is sometimes difficult which makes it necessary to be a bit aggressive. Attacks on character, ridicule, rough teasing and profanity are all forms of verbal aggression (Stewart, 2012). Growing up this was something that I had trouble dealing with because I always found it relieving to attack others when things were not going good for me. However, as I grew and matured I learned that this was short term happiness and I was driving a wedge in between myself and those that really cared for me. For some psychological abuse is also something that is prevalent within their relationships. This is normally seen between couples when one is trying to control another. According to Stewart (2012), many cases of psychological abuse, is one way that relational partners assert dominance and control.

References
Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The forgotten skill. A self-teaching guide. (2nd edition). New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons Inc.
Stewart, J. (2012). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication. (11th edition). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.