The moment I choose was from a conversation I had with my boss recently concerning another employee. We had been having some friction with this employee and a supervisor. I had been trying my best to keep the employee happy as she is also my friend. My original intent was to ascertain what happened while I was away. Unfortunately, I let my emotions and the way I felt for this supervisor get in the way.

Our conversation took place as follows.
Richard: “While you were on vacation Shelly gave us her two-week notice.”
Christy: “Wait!!! What??? Why did she do that what happen?”
Richard:” She and Eugene had an exchanging of emails and she decided she did not need to put up with the extra stress he had been causing her.”
Christy: “Should I try to talk to Shelly to see if there is anything I can do?”
Richard: “No! We already spoke and she has decided this on her own.”
Christy: “Ok”…..
Later that day I could not understand what happen and why it had gone to that extreme. So against my better judgment I talked to Shelly on our lunch hour.
Shelly: “So I am sure Richard spoke to you about what happen while you were gone?”
Christy: “He said you gave a two-week notice?”
Shelly: “Did he tell you why?”
Christy: “No..”

At that moment, I said no. I wanted to hear her side of the story. Her side was that her supervisor had told her he would be signing off on all her time off request. She did not like that as she had been giving them to me for quite some time. So she told him she would continue to submit them to me and if he had a problem with it to take it up with Richard (Executive Director). She showed me emails where she said she felt belittled and disrespected in them. I agreed with her at the time not realizing that she was triangulating me my boss and the other supervisor. When she got the acceptance from me she went straight to Richard stating that I had told her she was vindicated in the way she felt and that she and I wanted something done about it.

Richard called me into his office and asked me had I talked to Shelly about the situation. I told him yes. He said when and why did you. I told him she and I went to lunch and it came up in conversation. Realizing my mistake I apologized and told him I didn’t realize the mistake I had made until that point.

I was displeased with the way the conversation went as I felt that I did not have all the information and also that I was not allowed to be in on the decision they had made without me. It felt like to me it was a one-sided discussion that I attended but had no say in. The collective thoughts of my boss and others were to be mine as well.

I would have liked the conversation to take place when I had gotten back from vacation. This way I could hear all sides of the conversation that took place and also participate in it. The supervisor decided all of this without knowing the reason why Shelly takes the time off that she does. I feel like he was fed misinformation by Richard.
I feel like I was manipulated by Shelly in the fact that she knew that I would talk to her about it outside of work as we don’t consider Lunch a work activity. If I could change the entire conversation I would have done it more like this.
First, I would have asked Richard for all the facts; I would have asked him to be able to see the emails he had that had been exchanged between all parties. I would have questioned why they made decisions without me seeings how at the time I was her supervisor. After receiving all the information possible I would have thought about it first asked my boss for some time and then asked all three people for a meeting. (So I could better understand it). I would not have talked about it at lunch with Shelly instead I would have told her that I couldn’t talk about it because I did not have enough information. Also, I was gone so I don’t know the circumstances. I didn’t seek to understand or “Self Monitor” what I said to her. There was leanness to the conversation her and I had.

Because I felt like I had an interpersonal significance with Shelly, I assumed that what she and I spoke of over lunch would be kept between me and her. If I would have been paying more attention to the detail of what Shelly was saying I may have picked up on some of the Non-verbal cues she was giving at the time, but I was too caught up in the story of what happen while I was gone. Her non verbal communication was telling me she was looking for a fight in a sense. That she really just wanted another reason to go after this particular supervisor.

Instead of taking a passive approach to this situation I jumped into the middle without regard for any other parts of the entire conversation choosing instead to believe what Shelly had said was more important than what my boss had said or the other supervisor. I feel if I would have taken a passive approach I could have gleaned more important cues from the entire problem.
If I had decided to take a passive approach to the problem maybe I would not have gotten myself into a bigger situation. At our lunch, I could have told Shelly that I didn’t want to talk about work stuff on my on time and changed the subject. Or I could have told her that because I was not there I couldn’t really say or comment about it.

In the end, my boss and I had a conversation concerning how the entire situation went down. We were able to openly communicate both of our frustrations to each other. I was also able to speak with the supervisor whom I didn’t particularly like. I told him my original intent was to come up with a solution that all parties would be happy with. I let my own feelings for those supervisors cloud my judgment. I didn’t listen to the facts with open ears but only with ears of what I wanted to hear. Also I added my own thoughts to the whole situation by agreeing solely with Shelly. We then brought the other supervisor and Shelly into the conversation letting each party know exactly what had transpired from the entire ordeal. It was decided that Shelly would report to the other supervisor from now on and that she would not come to me with issues pertaining to days off or other things. In a sense, it gave me a bit of relief to know I did not have to be in the middle. I am working on not telegraphing my feelings when talking with people. I have been trying to learn my own verbal cues and master them as well.