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Interpersonal Communications

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Interpersonal Communications As social animals, relationships play a huge role in every individual’s life. They shape one’s life at the micro and macro level. This means that relationships can be made up of a bond between two people or a bond that is as large as a connection between entire societies. While it is important to understand the full range of how relationships affect one’s life, it is essential that each relationship type gets the full attention that it deserves. One of the types of relationships that is most common in the United States is known as “friends with benefits.” This “friends with benefits” type of relationship is a complex relationship that is typically grouped with another type that is known as casual hook ups, but this grouping is done erroneously because they are two very different types of relationships. Friends with benefits is a type of relationship that is defined as an understanding between two people that are friends and choose to engage in sexual behaviors while holding no emotional ties or feeling obligated to be committed to one another. This definition allows us to see that a friends with benefits relationship is more complex than a casual hook up. The reason that most people tend to confuse the two is because they both disassociate sexual actions from romance and feelings, but that is where the similarities end.

A casual hook up is also known as a one night stand. Most casual hook ups involve sleeping with different people, many times an acquaintance or even a stranger, and usually occurs as a spur of the moment. It would just be for that night and after that you would go your separate ways. Studies show that when participating in one of these hook ups the two people will not engage in intimate activities such as kissing, oral sex, hugging, talking etc. Where as a friend with benefits relationship is an ongoing sexual relationship with one person that is both a friend and that you are physically attracted to, because of this friendship you are more comfortable with this person enough to engage in other activities such as; kissing oral sex, sex without a condom, talking etc. Now that we know the difference between hooking up and a friends with benefits relationship we can go into detail on this type of interaction. Friends with benefits, in its essence, is an agreement between two people who are friends and are attracted to one another, so much so, that they are able to have an on-going sexual relationship without any demands or expectations. Because both participants were friends before any sexual activities took place, they hold a type of respect and compassion towards one another which neither person would want to mistreat. This is why this type of relationship requires a lot of pre-sex discussion and setting of boundaries. This agreement allows BOTH participants to be aware that they are only having sex together to compensate each other’s lack of affection from elsewhere and sexual needs. This is convenient sex with no commitment. Other ground rules are discussed such as being open to see other people without jealousy issues, who will be allowed to know about the arrangement, and whether it will continue into any other relationship one or the other may want in the future. The main reason why this relationship is so tricky is because there is a bond between both people. These two people do care for one another and enjoy each other just not as much as a romantic relationship. This is a friendship where the sex is just an icing on the cake. If it is what both parties want that is.
Though this relationship was not frequently practiced during older times, it is sweeping through our nation and becoming the new modern day relationship. This type of relationship is most common among people in their 20’s. In this age group individuals are beginning to explore their sexuality and what they like and dislike. Studies show that 60-70% of this age group has participated in at least one friend with benefits relationship. Though this is more popular amongst young adults is does occur among people of different ages as well. A US census study was conducted in 2011 on both men and women of all different races and aging from 21-71 showing that 40 percent have participated in a ‘friends with benefit’ relationship in the past or currently. Many may still have a stereotypic opinion on this relationship and assume that the men pursue and initiate this type of relationship, but this is not true at all. Women, now a days are just as infatuated with the idea of a sexual relationship with no ties, this is why these relationships became more common. Now that both gender are willing to participate more of these relationships occurs.

Now that we understand what this relationship is we can ask the question as to why friends would engage in a sexual relationship with one another, but yet not want to make a more stable commitment to one another. The reasons why a person would participate in this type of relationships instead of a committed romantic relationship simply depends on the person. Behind all reasons why someone would involve themselves in a relationship like this lays a need, a need for sexual contact. Just because someone is not in a romantic relationship does not mean that they are romantically dead. A person still gets the same urges they would get when they are with someone. We are naturally sexual creatures. Since we have sexual needs this does not automatically mean we have a need for a relationship. Some people aren’t at the point in their lives where a relationship is what they want at the time. Other may have not found that special person they want to be in a committed relationship with. So this is where they come to a friend to fulfill those needs and only those needs. Friends with benefits is more popular because like I mentioned people do have sexual needs and feel more comfortable being intimate with someone they know and trust rather than a stranger. This is especially true for women. Also, since people are familiar with one another they don’t have to be worried about the other having STDs or any other big surprises that would be harmful to the other person. There is also being comfortable to explore more sexual activities that will bring more pleasure without having to worry about being judged. This type of relationship is also more convenient. Whenever one person has a need the other already has an understand, so they can just go and get the relieve they need without having to try to find someone to seduce or take time to shower someone with love. A romantic relationship takes time, patients, and effort. This relationship is difficult and takes courage. One has to let themselves be vulnerable and open your heart. Sometimes that’s just not what someone wants at the moment because they don’t have the time for it or aren’t ready to commit. That’s why this relationship is so popular in people in their twenties. This is the time that you work your hardest to figure out what you want in life and how to achieve it. Young adults are certainly capable of close relationships, many of them haven’t matured enough to know themselves, and much less what they want from a romantic partner. Others may have commitment issues. Fear of making poor decisions in a romantic relationship, fear of caring for someone and losing them, or fear of being trapped and missing out on other opportunities that may come along in the future. Some may even have been hurt in the past and shield themselves from ever caring enough to hurt again. But what people need to understand is that any relationship that you get involved in has the chance to hurt you. Even in a friends with benefits relationship you are so intimate with the same person, it could be hard for our body and heart to tell the difference of whether or not we are intentionally suppose to care for this person. We cannot help but grow stronger feelings for one another. It just depends on how a person is and how they can handle a relationship.

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