The Influence of the Past
The past will forever be a part of the present, it affects who we become and how we live our lives. Depending on a specific past, future lives can be affected positively or negatively. In the novel The Kite Runner Baba, Amir and Hassan all had violent pasts which negatively impacted their future and how they viewed themselves and their lives. There was a point in each of their lives where their childhood ended with just one event. Amir watched his friend/brother get raped for the wellbeing of himself, Hassan’s mother left him when he was born mainly because of his appearance, and Baba and Amir lost a wife and mother at the time Amir was born. All these events attributed to a problematic childhood and future. Having a difficult past can limit how you perceive yourself, how you perceive others and how you look at life as a whole. In these following paragraphs I will discuss in detail about Hassan, Baba’s and Amir’s lives including specifics as to how their lives are different due to their intense emotional pasts.
Facing rejection can be hard enough as is, however when the rejection comes from the one woman who brought you into this world, that’s when the real damage sets in. Hassan was merely a newborn boy when his mother rejected him the first time, for something so small, and for something he couldn’t control. After Sanaubar had given birth, she took “one glance at the baby in Ali's arms, [saw] the cleft lip, and barked a bitter laughter. [...]. She had refused to even hold Hassan, and just five days later she was gone” (29-30). A mother is supposed to nurture you, care for you and love you no matter what and Hassan missed out on this growing up. This permanently damaged him, whether it was subconsciously or not. As Hassan grew up, having a mother was not something he was accustomed too, so he aged without a mothers touch or nurture. This affected him deeply without him realizing it. The key problem here is that Hassan, like all children have a need for their mothers love, it is primal and a driving force, and that need is not reduced by the unavailability of his mother. That need also goes hand and hand with the damaging understanding that the one person who is supposed to love you without reason doesn’t. This damaged the way he built relationships. Hassan is a very kind, loyal and trust worthy friend and family member, however all of these attributes led him to a way of life where he was incapable of hurting anyone. His mother leaving, inevitably made him fragile and weak when it came to making relationships. Even though Hassan had excellent character, he became close with off beam people. Hassan did not seem to recognize the right forms of people he should allow into his life, and this carried on into his adulthood. When Hassan grew older, he still remained a loyal friend to Amir, even after their strained relationship. Most readers would exclaim this is enough after situations similar to when Amir Lied for his personal enjoyment to Hassan and claimed “imbecile” was a word for a smart intelligent person. None the less Hassan did not stoop to Amir’s level, and always remained the bigger person and stayed loyal. Even though he had every right not to. Although growing up without a mother is hard, imagine having to repeat the grieving process once again when she returned, because that is exactly what Hassan did.
Having to experience an entire childhood without a mother, and then suddenly she appears can be more damaging then growing up without one at all. This way, you have to deal with the pain twice. When Sanaubar first returned she was medically a mess, but because of Hassan and his loving nature he nursed her back to health with no questions asked. However, as time went on and Sanaubar aged, she eventually passed away by the time Hassan’s son was four years old. This effected Hassan’s future emotions and actions greatly. Hassan grew up his whole life without a mother and then all of a sudden she comes back and he loses her again. It is almost comparable to right when he was healed that she returned and passed away, only allowing him to have to heal all over again. On the other hand, in the short span of time his mother was back, she changed his life completely. Hassan went from feeling guilty wondering what he did wrong, to finally experiencing what it is like to have a mother figure. This changed the outcome of his future, he now is able to piece together the missing pieces of his childhood and no longer feel as much pain as he used to burden. Even though it was not his first choice to have his mother leave at birth and return later on in life, it did help him mature as an adult. In the end, having no mother when he was in his most impressionable state affected him negatively. He did not know the right individuals to trust, so he constantly would get walked over again and again. Despite the fact Hassan’s entire past was violent, including his death, the one in which affected him and his past the most was growing up without a mother.
Death can make a huge impact on a person’s life, weather it is a family member, friend or co-worker the emotional damages are intense. This novel deals with a lot of tragic deaths, including Baba’s wife and Amir’s mother. This death happened at the birth of Amir, so inevitably Amir blames himself for the passing of his mother, and sadly a part of Baba does as well. There is no avoiding the obvious blame, and guilt Amir felt his entire childhood and this continued throughout his adult life as well. If there was no birth, she would be alive. If there was no me, she would be alive. The constant thoughts Amir and Baba would have had going through their minds are almost unbearable to think about. Plus, these constant feelings of guilt did not slow down as they aged, and this affected both their lives in a negative way. This effected out of everything, their relationship the most. No matter how hard they tried to avoid it, there would always be the thought that if Amir was not born, she would be alive, and that is because it is true. However, even though they both felt guilty for the situation, their guilt was for different reasons. Baba felt guilty because he knew he blamed Amir for the death of his wife. In the back of his head he blamed his very own son for something that could not have been changed. Amir on the other hand, went his whole life knowing and feeling guilty, that HE was the reason his mother had died, just for coming into the world, he was responsible for a death. In the future their lives were affected in the way they saw each other, the way they interacted and the way they thought internally about each other. Throughout this entire novel, the reader can tell that Amir and Baba just do not click the way most sons and fathers do. When speaking to Rahim Kahn, Baba exclaimed “If I hadn't seen the doctor pull him out of my wife with my own eyes, I’d never believe he's my son” (104). To some degree Baba’s view on Amir makes sense, they were completely different. When it came to their opinion on sports, school, religion and extracurricular activities they were complete opposites. Baba is more athletic and strongly opinionated while as Amir is more timid and enjoys reading and keeping to himself. Reasoning as to why they were so dissimilar could be due to the deeper guilt they both had inside of them putting one against another. Due to this past, Amir was effected the most, since it happened in his most impressionable state. Amir then grew up thinking he was the cause for all his relationship problems with his father. He knew that Baba subconsciously blamed Amir for the death of his wife and Amir carried this weight on his shoulders his whole life. Amir constantly tried to redeem himself to his father. He tried his best in school, steered as far away from trouble as he could and even won the kite tournament in recognition of his father. Except, all of this did nothing in Baba’s eyes and he did not even seem to care, he repetitively gave Amir the cold shoulder, shunning him slowly out of his life for good. All of these points created a past different from what most children and fathers go through, and it harmfully impacted them as a father and son duo as they grew older.
Amir watched Hassan, a boy who is both his servant, friend, and brother get raped, which later has detrimental effects on his psychological wellbeing. Even knowing that the partial reason for the rape was due to Hassan’s loyal qualities to Amir, Amir does nothing when he sees the situation unravel. He was a coward and he knew it. When seeing something like this at such a young age it would be very intimidating and confusing, however he was old enough to know what he did was wrong. If he didn’t realize it in that second, he quickly came to the comprehension that it was a decision he will have to live with for the rest of his life.
Growing up with that huge weight on his shoulders is horrible, the constant “what if” feeling that must have followed him into his dreams every time he went to sleep. This affected him as he grew older when it came to building relationships and talking about his past. When Amir grew older he never told anyone about the situation that had happened, the ones who knew were Amir, Hassan, Ali and Rahim Khan, and Amir did not tell one of them himself. The fact that Amir had done nothing while he watched his “friend” get raped, showed the type of person he is and what he values in friendships. This reaction to a terrible situation proves he clearly thinks about no one but himself. This prevented him from making friends again, scared as to if he will hurt others the same way he has hurt Hassan. By being a poor friend. As he continued on throughout his life he remained tortured by his past, especially since the regret is eating away at him. What makes the entire circumstance worse is the fact he cannot do anything about his mistake. He has to go on through life, without close friends because of his lack of relationship skills, all with the weight of the world on his shoulders. This mistake changed many aspects of his life in different ways. If Amir were to have stepped in and done something, whether it was effective or not his life would be completely changed. Even if Amir had acknowledged the fact he saw what had happened instead of lying about it he would have extremely different relationships with everyone he knew. Amir and Hassan would have remained friends just by the gesture of him stepping in to help his so called friend. Yet instead, Amir and Hassan grew older in two separate lives seeing none of each other. If Amir and Hassan stayed close friends throughout it all, millions of things could have happened differently. Hassan and his wife would not have been killed where they did and when they did, Sohrab would have never had to face being put in an orphanage to begin with, and Amir would have never had to go back to Kabul and risk his life. Amir’s future is extremely different, and far worse than it had to be if he had just changed one events outcome in his life.
This however did not just effect Amir, this affected Hassan and his entire life as well. Hassan could have grown older and stayed in the house with Baba and Amir and fled to the United States together. They could have both graduated from school, gotten a job and lived their lives together as they did when they were young. With no violence and torture. Nonetheless this did not happen the way it should have. When Amir decided against helping Hassan in his one time of need, that is when his life, Hassan’s life and everyone in between, lives were affected for the worse.