Computer Systems Brief
By Adam Copen
July 2, 2012
ACC/542

Kudler’s Fine Foods is a place that sells wine, cheese, meats, seafood, produce and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] [Insert a comma before this word if this is the last in a list of more than two -- or if it begins a new clause] was a [Use "an"] European style bakery. Kudler’s Fine Foods has three locations in the San Diego, California [insert comma] area. Kudler’s Fine Foods was founded [The passive voice is a form of "be" (was) and a participle (founded). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Prefer the active voice. For example, passive voice = The paper was completed on time. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time. See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] by Kathy Kudler back in 1998. In this paper, four ideas will be addressed. The first on is to find out ["find out" is a "phrasal verb," two words that together mean something different from their individual meanings--looking up each word in the dictionary would not produce the meaning, which could cause misinterpretation in an international business communication. Use other words, like "discover" or simply "found"] what Kudler Fine Foods key business and accounting information needs are. The second is to analyze what strengths and weakness [Misspelling--The plural of "weakness" is "weaknesses"] Kudler Fine Foods has with the store current system. This will include software and hardware. The third is to show Kudler Fine Foods some opportunities that deal with technology and give suggestions to help improve Kudler’s Fine Foods opportunities. The fourth is to seek out threats the Kudler’s Fine Foods may encounter with the current system by helping to suggest new technology.

To start, Kudler Fine Foods needs to find out [See above] what they need in their business and accounting systems. The first and most important thing that they need is to upgrade [Passive voice ] their computer systems. This will go in a long way to help with the business. Most of computer and software become out dated [Check spelling--outdated is one word] with a few years after the come up. Kudler’s Fine Foods needs to make sure that their software is up to date [these three words are spelled as one hyphenated word] [As an adjective, the previous three words are one hyphenated word] so they data and the memory the need to function as a business. Kudler’s Fine Foods also needs more communication with its three stores. All three store need to communicate within one store and [Run-on sentence: Insert comma before "and" if the following is an independent clause (not part of a series)] they [If "they" refers to "one," it should be "one" also (and perhaps adjust the verb)] need to communicate store to store. Kudler’s Fine Foods needs to write up [Phrasal verb: These two words mean something different from the two words separately (looking up each word in the dictionary would not produce the meaning), which could cause misinterpretation in a business communication if the reader is not from your region (or country). Try different wording, such as "record," "note," or "inscribe"] a company policy on their finance and accounting systems. Kudler’s Fine Foods also needs to have a written policy on there REM security features. Kudler’s Fine Foods also needs to have a purchasing department and a forecast team to help with the work load [Check spelling--"workload" is one word] of the company. With all [Writing suggestion: "All" or "all of" used as an intensifier very often can be removed with no loss of meaning] of these changes Kudler’s Fine Foods and the owner, Kathy Kudler can watch the company grow and make profits for years to come. Here are some of the strengths when it come to Kudler’s Fine Foods. 1) They have a good data base [Check spelling: in most cases the preceding two words should be spelled as one word] when it comes to [Writing suggestion--Since "it" is undefined, "when it comes to" often can be reduced to simply "concerning" ] storing accounting records. 2) Kudler’s Fine Foods has a good check and balance [The correct term is "checks and balances"] system when it comes to writing checks or going to buy materials for the store. Here are some of the weakness they have when it comes to [concerning] Kudler’s Fine Foods. 1) They need a system with updated hardware and software. Kudler’s Fine Foods does have good communication system in place so they can communicate with each other. Kudler’s Fine Foods needs to write a policy on their security features and their business and accounting system so the system do not break down. Kudler’s Fine Foods needs to come up with a plan to build a better purchasing department and a better forecast team. In doing this they can purchase what they [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "In"] need and not have to little or too much food. With a better forecast team, Kudler’s Fine Foods can better project sells in the future. Knowing what there strengths and weakness are, Kudler’s Fine Foods can build on them and make the company better and stronger in the future.
There are many opportunities for Kudler’s Fine Foods when it comes to [concerning] technology. The first thing that Kudler’s Fine Foods is to upgrade [Passive voice ] their hardware. With have three store Kudler’s Fine Foods to have more speed and more storage for their accounting and business systems. At this point Kudler’s Fine Foods should upgrade for a 56 modem to a wireless connection. This would make the computers run faster. Kudler’s Fine Foods also needs to upgrade their software so they can add more accounting and business data that they need. Kudler’s Fine Foods needs all of this data so they can link all three store together. With all of the updates this would be a great [Writing suggestion: "great" is an overworked word, too frequently seen, and too vague. It has too many meanings: huge, superior, numerous, etc. Use a more specific adjective] time to make some changes in their security. As of right now ["Now" is a difficult word. Because this is being read some time after you wrote it, "now" is ambiguous--do you mean at the time you were writing? When was that? If you mean "as of the present time" (Hawaii is now a state), you can leave out "now." If the time or date is important, fill it in. If the essay is in the past tense, instead of "now," use "then"] they do not have any security in there accounting [Make sure paragraph indentation is five to seven spaces or one tab stop] and business systems. The REMS has imbedded security features… [Check punctuation--An ellipsis (the three dots) means something is missing; it does not mean a pause. If you are not indicating here that words are missing from a quote, instead use a dash --] passwords, dollar limits, limited access features…however, there are no formal company policies or audits regarding same, which Kudler’s Fine Foods should have. Also with updating the speed and storage space Kudler’s Fine Food can build a purchasing department. With better software Kudler’s Fine Foods can better forecast for future events for their company. With doing all of the upgrade it [Writing suggestion: often you can remove "With" and "it" (and the comma before "it" if present), simplifying the sentence-- doing all of the upgrade] will better the store’s accounting and business systems.
There are many threats when systems are not updated. The first threat is when ["threat " is an "it," not a "when." Often you can replace "is when" with "the time," "occurs when," etc., leave out "is when" entirely, or replace the phrase with "then"] a system does not have enough data storage space to all of data saved. Saving business and accounting data is very important when it comes to [concerning] running a business. If Kudler’s Fine Foods needs to go back and look at some transaction or other business that they have done in the past, having ["having" as a transitive verb is vague. Reconsider the sentence using "possessing," "acquiring," "developing," etc. Often "having" can be deleted] the data storage will help a lot. Not having the most storage that Kudler’s Fine Foods can possibly [Redundancy: leave out "possibly"--it is redundant (if one "can," it must be "possible")] have [Avoid splitting a verb (have) from its modal (can). Try "...can have possibly" or "possibly can have"] can hurt the business. A second threat is have the systems run slowly. Kudler’s Fine Foods needs to have the maxim seed the can get. The will [Possible incorrect indentation] help the stores run a business faster and get information from the systems faster instead of having to wait they the system to give them the information at a slower pace. A third threat is not having security on the system. With not having security Kudler’s fine Foods leaves their system open for virus or having people hacking into their system for important information.

Having a business is a hard thing to do. It can be stressful and a lot of [Only commercial shipments and real estate are measured in lots. To use "a lot of" to mean "many," "much," or "a large amount" is a colloquialism (not universally clear). Use another term.] hard work. Having a great business and accounting system can go a long way. When dealing with systems it [Writing suggestion: often you can remove "With" and "it" (and the comma before "it" if present), simplifying the sentence-- systems] is good to know what your [Eliminate second person (you, your) in academic documents and avoid addressing the reader directly. Prefer third-person pronouns (he, she, they, it)] strengths and weakness are so they [Place comma before this word if this is the end of the introductory phrase beginning with "When"] can be worked [Passive voice ] on. Kudler Fine Foods needs to build both on their strengths and their weakness. It key to having a great system is having [Writing suggestion: the present progressive "is having" is an awkward phrase; use the present tense--simply "has," "have," or "is to have"] a system that fits what the company needs. Another key to a great system is having [Writing suggestion: the present progressive "is having" is an awkward phrase; use the present tense--simply "has," "have," or "is to have"] the storage space that you [second person] need and the right speed for the system. Also having a great system will help with the treats to the system. The better the system is the best chance threats will not happen to the system.

Reference:
1) Apollo Group, Inc. (2011). Kudler's Fine Food [Multimedia]. Retrieved from Apollo Group, Inc., ACC/542 ACCOUNTING INFORMATION [Do not use all capitals in academic writing--unless in trade name, an acronym, or the running head ] SYSTEMS website.