Introducing the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens” (by Sean Covey)

Habit 1 – Take responsibility for your life (Be Proactive)

Defective Habit: Be Reactive
Blame all of your problems on your parents, your stupid teachers, your lousy neighborhood, your boy-or girlfriend, the government, or something or somebody else. Be a victim. Take no responsibility for your life. Act like an animal. If someone yells at you, yell back. If you feel like doing something you know is wrong, just do it.
( in the book the Covey talks about humans having self-awareness, a conscience, an imagination whereas animals do not – there is a nice example comparing a dog’s thoughts to a human’s thoughts)

Effective Habit: Be Proactive
I am the force. I am the captain of my life. I can choose my attitude. I am responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness. I am in the driver’s seat of my destiny, not just a passenger.

Scene One:
You overhear your best friend bad-mouthing you in front of a group. She doesn’t know you overheard the conversation. Just five minutes ago, this same friend was sweet-talking you to your face.

Reactive Choices 1. Tell her off and then smack her. 2. Go into a deep depression because you feel so bad about what she said. 3. Decide that she is a two-faced liar and give her the silent treatment for 2 months. 4. Spread vicious rumors about her. After all, she did it to you.

Proactive Choices 1. Confront her and calmly share how you feel. 2. Forgive ( let go and move on) 3. Ignore it and give her a second chance. Realize that she has weaknesses just like you. Occasionally, you talk behind her back without really meaning any harm.
|Reactive Language |Proactive Language |
|I’ll try. |I’ll do it. |
|There’s nothing I can do. |There’s got to be a way. |
|I have to. |I choose to. |
|That’s not fair. |Let’s think of another option. |
|That’s just the way I am. |I can do better than that. |
|You ruined my day. |I’m not going to let your bad mood rub off on me. |

Scene Two:
You have been playing on the basketball team for over a year now. You have played well and have been extremely committed and dependable. One month ago a new student joined the team. Recently he was given the starting point guard position instead of you.

Reactive Choices 1. Spend half your waking hours complaining to everyone and their dog about how unfair this decision was. 2. Scrutinize the new kid and find his every weakness. 3. Become convinced that your coach has formed a conspiracy and is out to get you. 4. Begin to slack off at practice.

Proactive Choices 1. Talk with your coach about why the new kid got the position. 2. Continue to be a committed team member. 3. Learn what you can do to improve your performance.

Consider the following situations:

1) Amir went to the school dance, knowing that there was a big science test the next day. He wrote the test, and got a failing grade. What would be a reactive response for Amir? A proactive response?

2) Mark and Angie have been friends for a long time. Mark asks Angie out on a date. Angie turns him down, saying she is not interested in him “that way”. What would be a reactive response for Mark? A proactive response?

Give Covey’s handout on “baby steps” to being proactive.

Self-Assessment

I participated fully in today’s class Definitely Sort of Not really

I understood the lesson Definitely Sort of Not really

I was respectful to other students and mentors Definitely Sort of Not really