The loss of a close one is never easy, and sometimes it hurts more than other times. You can never prepare yourself for the day when you have to make the decision to remove them off of life support when they are unable to make it for themselves. Not every situation will be the same, and you may not handle each one in the same manner. September 30th, 2007 was the day I had to let my mother go. That morning I had talked to one the many doctors and they had informed me that she was in multi organ failure, and there was no hope. So many thoughts, wishes, regrets, and emotions run through your mind faster than you can process or even recognize. The dreadful papers stare back at you and make you sick to your stomach. I received a call late one night when my mother was taken to the hospital. My mother was only 83 pounds when she entered the hospital. She had lost about 7 pints of blood, and was not keeping the blood in. The doctor told us when one is in multi-system organ failure; their body basically attacks itself and begins to shut down organ by organ. My mother was anorexic. She battled the disease her entire life so it was only a matter of time it caught up to her. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to go through the next few days, or what I was about to see in the next minutes. I walked into the room and saw a small, too skinny, frail woman that was in and out of consciousness. The only voice she responded to or recognized was her boyfriend’s, she didn’t know me and that felt like a dagger piercing my heart. After five long exhausting days, her liver was failing, she would need new kidneys, and they didn’t know how much damage the lack of oxygen had caused her brain. My hands were shaking, my mind was racing, and all I could say to myself is,” Why didn’t you try harder? You should have called someone; you could have stopped this…” My crying over came my ability to breathe and to process everything that was just about to happen, but I needed to continue, I needed to be there. While sobbing, I asked the nurse the details of what was going to happen, I signed those dreadful papers that no person should have to sign for another. That moment it became a reality, I was removing my mother off of life support. Again, the situation will be different for every person. Some people will be able to handle it and move on, and others will not. However, the main concern is the need and expectation to remain strong during this process. Not only do you need yourself to be, but others around you need you. No one wants to do it and no one should have to, unless it’s your wish and you have it in place. Another fact is it will never be easy, and it will go through your mind a million times. A few hours after I signed the papers, she had taken her last breath. It was a long tired huff, but also appeared as a sign of relief from her worn, tired body.