Jamie McDowell October 27, 2015
“Loving yourself inside and out” Maleeka Madison, an eleven year old, in the seventh grade was having problems with students making fun of her. Not being appealing enough to her peers with very dark skin and homemade clothes was the start of her troubles. Very smart, however, being made fun of distracted her from her work. Other’s words helped develop her insecurities and low self-esteem which made her not see anything good about herself. Often feeling alone when with people, she was isolated to herself. The detachment of her favorite person in the world, her father, was the worst of all her problems. The person who was always there, always ready to talk, and always checking up on her: Gone! Do you know who Maleeka reminds me of? She reminds me of myself. Getting called ugly by my peers, although not because of my facial features, but because of my attire and the fact my hair was never done was the start of me being a target by other students in the poor, urban middle school I went to; only having one floor and two long hallways. Always wearing two matted puffy pony tails classified me as ugly. Now don’t get me wrong I didn’t always get defensive nor did I get upset, some of things said were funny. Bullying at times could be exaggerated, although there were serious bulling situations. Nevertheless, not always a person is trying to hurt you by telling you what you look like or how they feel about you. However, in Main Street Middle school it was normal. Everyone talked about everyone for no reason in particular, but because they wanted to and they could. Being talked about wasn’t a major issue at first for me to tell authority or get someone in trouble because talking about people was considered to be fun at times. When you and a group a friends would crack jokes about each other and laugh about the immature slurs that were said, this was okay and no one took offense. For example we would have “roast sessions” at lunch. These were sessions that gave people the opportunity to talk about you and you the opportunity to talk about them with funny jokes such as “Your sneakers look like you brought them out the 99 cents store” or “God don’t like ugly so why are you praying for new clothes for Christmas?” or “Your mom so fat she sat on top of a rainbow and skittles popped out.” Most jokes were corny, but we laughed at them anyway. Despite me not taking offense this led up to me being a target. Not only did friends talk about me, others joined in as well. Middle school is where bullying started for me and it took a while to get over. I just didn’t know as I continued to let my peers talk about me it would get worst and this would turn into a serious situation lowering my self- esteem. I felt lonely, along with becoming bitter and angry. Although we had uniforms, that were khaki pants and white polo collared shirts, I grew extraordinarily faster than the clothes my mom brought so they were either hanging off me or too tight. Nothing I ever wore fit me correctly, because I had legs as long as a corn stalk and a torso as small and chubby as a wiener dog, and students noticed. I wasn’t the cutest kid either, wearing thin wire glasses that made me look like an old lady, white reebok sneakers that looked like orthopedic shoes, along with a short fat neck that made my collared shirts look like turtle necks. These were all obvious things to pin point and talk about. I noticed too, that some of the kids weren’t the best looking either. There was a trio of ninja turtle looking triplets who had the yellowest teeth, and I knew they had rancid breath with acne that caused huge craters on their faces that were one of the first people to talk about me. Also there was this girl that had huge bugged out eyes, ripped dirty pants and a too tight shirt with her ashy hairy belly poking from the bottom that had the nerve to talk about me too. Unfortunately, the students got deeper with their jokes and hurtful words and it wasn’t just the four I spoke about it was way more kids than that. Being a popular subject of the students negatively hurts. Nonetheless, with the teachers I was a popular student to be talked about positively. Teachers expressed to me that I am a joy to have in class from my passion to learn and read. I could have been considered a nerd except the students also knew it wasn’t amusing to get bad grades. So most of my peers worked hard to achieve brilliant grades just as I. Luckily I wasn’t made fun for that. Teachers recommending me to go the after school enrichment program must have been the most amazing event to boost my self- esteem. Meeting an after school program volunteer named V helped me cope with the disrespectful words. Also going through the same issues as me being talked about and pin pointed as a target, V was my inspiration. V was an African American college student attending Widener College. Wearing little spikes growing out of her head starting the style of dreads, ethno centric clothes, such as dashikis, with loud gaudy jewelry, and vibrant lipstick colors on top of her very brown skin. Possessing confident, self- assured, and energetic qualities made me admire her so much. Especially, V not caring about the whispers she would get about her hair and bright colored lipstick. I remember her telling me she believed in herself no matter what others said. However, I told her that’s easier said than done because the words “No neck, grand mom Jamie, and high waters plus more” weren’t something you can ignore once repeatedly said to your face. Then, V presented the book The Skin I’m in to me. Reading this book in middle school as a 12 year old, made me have realize no one is perfect and I am not trying to be dramatic at all. Maleeka Madison, the main character, was going through the most similar situations as I did. I never connected to a fictional ever in my life. I read the book vividly as if my life depended on it, from front to back cover. We were both middle school girls who were not appealing enough in our peer’s eyes, making us have low self- esteem. Both smart, but when talked about it would interfere with our school work. Insecurities from others words dissuaded us from how we felt about ourselves. Lastly, we both had our fathers taken from us which led to living in a household with a single mother struggling to provide. Influencing me to be better than what others thought of me is what I learned from the book. Honestly, I wasn’t afraid of the students, however the things they said hurt my feelings. Also I couldn’t make fun of them all, otherwise they would gang up on me and that would have been worse than what I already was putting up with. Neither did I think to tell an adult because as I said before being made fun of was a normal thing at school. As I finished The Skin I’m in I realized I should have been more confident in myself. Despite how others feel towards me I needed to love myself. “If I don’t love my self who else will?” This was an influential statement bestowed upon me from my favorite book The Skin I’m in written by Sharon G Flake. Reading my now favorite book was an impact and I will always live by the lessons I learned from reading it. My positive literacy story starts with how I went through tribulations in school, however this book helped me through them. Today the book gives me confidence to do things I never would do. Such as running for black student union freshmen representative and donating blood. I am even enrolled in a leadership class to learn how to guide others to success. The Skin I’m in was the best book I ever read and will always be one of my favorites. Till this day I thank V for the book.