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Maya Angelou's Fear Of Living: How Could She Really Know?

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Maya Angelou once said that the fear of living was," ...being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness." She was probably right. She said it to inspire, but without experience, how could she really know?

I have a fear of living. I constantly trap myself into scenarios where I could easily kill myself. Pills, knives, alcohol...the majority of my life was hinged on wanting to escape the harsh reality of life. I hated myself. My mistakes ruined me, and even though it would have been easier to blame anyone but myself, I always destroyed myself with my hopeless wishing. Wishing that I hadn't found my father cheating on my mother with the neighbor. Wishing that I had watched my 5 year old sister, instead of neglecting to mind her as she wandered around, until she reached the end of the pier, inevitably drowning. Wishing I hadn't started the drugs. Wishing that everything would just fade away. Wishing that I was numb to the heartache and pain of this horrible world. …show more content…
Drowning...that's what I was doing. Like my sister had drowned physically, I was drowning mentally and emotionally. My mother didn't have the energy to deal with my depression or suicidal tendencies. She was the DA of the city, and my actions hurt her reputation. So, at 13, when my mother had found me holding a gun to my head, she sent me to the local depression clinic. I'd been here for 5 years now, and last week, the doctor had "diagnosed" that I was ready. Ready to step into the real world, under supervision, of course, and live a life worthy of an "intelligent, scarred but beautiful" 18-year old

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