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Movie Essay: The Murder Of The Mayor

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A former cop gets entangled with the murder of the Mayor and the Mayor’s secretary.

STORY COMMENTS
PREY presents as a mystery thriller. The opening sets the tone with the murder of the Mayor. This creates a mystery regarding who the killer is. The goal appears to be clear: catch a killer and the stakes feel high. The tone is dramatic.
However, the real hook is the mysterious woman who leaves her raincoat with the protagonist, Jude Stevens. The idea that the woman disappears is a smart story choice. Good anticipation is created. The audience wants to know more. However, allegedly she’s been gone for 20 minutes, but when Stevens talks to the concession stand worker, who says the woman just left with two men. It seems unlikely that it would take her twenty minutes to get popcorn or that the two men would be standing around with her for twenty minutes before leaving.

Also, Steven goes …show more content…
Overall, the crime scene sequence should be tightened.
Also, the speech by the Senator slows down the pace. Consider cutting or shortening.
Remember don’t make it easy for Jude. Make him work to get the information. Make him investigate and make him overcome obstacles along the way. The flash drive might be too easy for him to have vs. finding where the key belongs and maybe the flash drive is locked up.
By the end of the first act, Jude should clearly have an objective or goal that locks him in, such as unraveling the mystery. Right now as structured, he doesn’t feel locked into a goal yet. He wants information, but there isn’t a decisive first act break.
The tension is rather mild too. Find ways to elevate the tension. Maybe someone breaks into his apartment looking for the key etc. This could be what locks Stevens into his goal. Enhance the tone to sound more suspenseful. Maybe after he leaves the police department (after seeing Ross), he thinks someone is following

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