Examine the argument that neighbourly relations are characterised by friendly distance.
The practice of being a neighbour is a complex one. There are unwritten rules and expectations of what being a neighbour constitutes. We as a neighbour tend to grow up being a neighbour, and as such we are expected to know how to behave, as a neighbour should. Various studies have given us an insight into to what is actually expected of a good neighbour. The following piece of work examines the argument that, neighbourly relations are characterised by friendly distance. It will also attempt to explain the unwritten rules and guidelines which we live to, in order to live together and yet at the same time live apart.
Studies over the years in different settings show widespread agreement on what people in the neighbourhood want from those that live around them. Studies in the 1980s found that the main characteristics that people questioned highlighted were. Friendliness and helpfulness, and distance (Abrams and Brown, 1984). These characteristics appear not to be exclusive to the United Kingdom. Studies in the USA also found that neighbours were expected to be friendly but without intruding on one’s privacy (McGahan, 1972, p, 402). Kate Fox (2004) also suggests in her book that interaction between neighbours is primarily in public spaces and on the boundaries, these being defined as ‘gardens or hedges, driveways’. These spaces constitute a division between public and private places and it seems that it is good practice to stay within the ‘public’ area when conversing with neighbours. It is suggested that it is not good practice to encroach upon your neighbours ‘private’ space. To be interacting with the neighbours in their ‘public’ area appears to be less problematic than being overly neighbourly by actually visiting their private homes. From these studies we might conclude that an integral part of being a neighbour is knowing how to negotiate the fine lines between being friendly and being overly neighbourly, and intruding on a neighbours privacy.
This negotiating of the lines is something that we learn through socialisation, and it is also culturally specific. Stanley Brandes travelled to Spain to study the migration of workers, he observed the everyday habits and customs of the village’s residents. He found that unlike the Uk the residents of the village had no sense of privacy. Their culture was saw someone who expected or wanted privacy as rude or impolite Brandes, 1975, p.154). This study suggests that each culture has its own unwritten rules on how to be a good neighbour.
Along with the studies of what is expected of a good neighbour, we can look also at figures available showing how not to behave. These figures are given in the form of Government studies and the Citizens Advice service showing that the highest amount of complaints made by neighbours relate to, space and noise. The nature of these complaints again highlights the need for privacy, as being a main part of being a neighbour. We in the UK have a system to help out when the process of being a good neighbour breaks down. Mediation is a service offered by local councils to assist in the mending of neighbourly relations, when the talking to the neighbour either fails or is deemed to be too delicate. Elizabeth Stokoe (2006) looked at transcripts from the mediation service on sessions involving complaints about intimate noises. She found that, the very act of complaining involves a negotiation of what constitutes appropriate behaviour. Again this would point to the argument that good neighbourly relations are about keeping yourself private and your personal activities private. The very fact that your neighbours can hear you whilst you are in your home appears to constitute a breach in your neighbour’s privacy. This being by the fact by being overheard you have not been considerate to your neighbour’s needs. Whilst studying the transcripts Stokoe also found that the neighbourly characteristics quoted as being desirable, were very similar to the characteristics mentioned in the studies by Abrams and Brown, (1984) and McGhan, (1972). This would suggest that even over time with changes in society the same things are desirable to be being a good neighbour. In the late 40s and early 50s we in the UK didn’t have a mediation service to help us repair and remake our neighbourhoods. There was a different method of resolving neighbours noise intruding on our privacy. Houses then were built very close together and adjoining walls were thin, therefore people often heard more than they wanted to hear from their neighbours. Rather than complain to the neighbour people often made minor adjustments to their lives and dwellings in order to minimise any intrusion on their or their neighbour’s privacy. Joanna Bourke wrote in her book about working class cultures in Britain that it was not uncommon for conjugal beds to be turned away from the party wall, so that embarrassing noises would not be heard (Bourke, 1994,p. 143). This could be described as a ‘distancing mechanism’ and again this points to a friendly distance being the key to good neighbourly relations.
It is clear from the studies highlighted that being a good neighbour is about striking a balance between the demands for privacy and those of a community. It is also evident that, it is a very fine line we tread. Most of the time we as a society manage to negotiate this quite well. It appears that neighbourly relations are about knowing what our obligations are and what is expected of us and, our ability to implement these obligations into our everyday social lives. For when things go wrong we have devised various methods, to help us repair and maintain the social order. Complaints are also about negotiating what being a good neighbour is, and striking a balance between privacy and the community. So in conclusion it would appear from studies that the characteristics of good neighbourly relations are in fact ‘keeping a friendly distance’.
Word count 996Stokoe, E. (2006)’Public intimacy in neighbour relationships and complaints’, Social Research Online, vol. 11, no. 3 [online], www.socresonline.org.uk/11/3/stokoe.html (accessed 13 August 2008),
McGahan, P. (1972) “The neighbour role and neighbouring in a highly urban neighbourhood’, Sociological Quarterly, vol. 13, no.2, pp.397-408.
Fox, K (2004) watching The English;the Hidden Rules of English Behaviour, London, Hodder and Stoughton.
Brandes, S.H. (1975) Migration, Kinship, and Community; Tradition and Transition in a Spanish Village, New York, Academic Press.
Abrams, P. and Brown, R. (1984) UK Society: Work, Urbanism and Inequality, London, Weidenfeld and Nicholson.
Bourke, J. (1984) Working Class Cultures in Britain 1890-1960; Gender, Class and Ethnicity, London, Routledge.
