Everyone makes mistakes, whether big or small. That’s why no one’s perfect. We all learn from something – by observing, listening, asking. Sometimes, we learn from others’s mistakes. But other times, we find ourselves confronted with the consequences brought about by our own mistakes. Whether done intentionally or unintentionally, mistakes are mistakes. And as we are human beings, we have no power to press rewind and do things over. It’s done, it’s there, we have to deal with it – that’s life.

I would like to thank you because :
For the new experiences and adventures we gained from traveling
For the stories we shared simply because we needed someone to talk to,
For the mistakes we made that got us into trouble but made us closer,
For the disagreements that helped us accept each other for who we really are,
For the laughter and smiles we shared,
For the times we helped each other out,
For the nights we watched movies or series together,
For the pictures we took together…
The past will always be a part of our lives we can’t control.

It’s done. Whatever happened, happened. Whoever came and stayed, stayed; and the others, well maybe they just weren’t meant to make it to the present. But who knows about the future, right?

I’ve realized not too long ago that I’ve been trapping myself in the past, comparing whatever happens to what already happened. And by doing so, I’ve unconsciously been restricting myself of enjoying what I have now. The habit to compare the past to the future comes from the fear of repeating the past. A way I’ve grown used to to avoid being hurt again, and maybe of completely letting go of the past.

The past holds secrets, memories, stories – of people, places and things that have contributed to who you are as a person today. They don’t necessarily have to be good, most of them consist of mistakes that have taught you a lesson. And maybe we can’t fully let go of the past precisely because the past IS who we are. It is our history as a being of our own identity. However, we have to learn how to let the past BE the past to fully enjoy and live in the present. That’s why it’s called the past in the first place. It was meant to stay there.

My past will always serve to be a reminder of things done and lessons learned. It holds some of the most precious memories I’ve shared with people who matter. But the present is handing me more memories to keep, people to cherish, stories to tell. I’ve been caught up in the past that I can’t even feel the happiness that’s right in front of me.

Now, I’m finally moving on and being happy:)

Decisions.

We make them everyday.From the moment we wake up, we make decisions whether conscious or unconscious. From the little things of what to wear, what to eat, what to say to big decisions like what career path to take, which university to go to, or maybe to something more serious like which businesses to invest in.Each decision we make leads us to a different outcome, a different path. By choosing one over the other, we subject ourselves to face the consequences that come along with it. I believe there’s no single perfect decision. And when you happen to choose the wrong one, it’s either you drown yourself in regret or accept it and try to make it work. Everything does happen for a reason. Maybe sometimes you end up choosing the wrong one because you need to make mistakes to learn. If everything was perfect, you probably won’t have the feeling of satisfaction or contentment.Nevertheless, the decisions we make are molded by external factors that influence us. Whether this is something good or bad, no one can really tell. True, you can know right from wrong. But at that moment in which you’re making a decision, you battle out thoughts of pros and cons in your mind and only you can eventually make the decision yourself. Sometimes, even though you know it’s wrong, you take the risk and hope it proves you wrong. We are all entitled to hope. The world has set our limits. The life we live and the things we know are all structured for us – by our families, friends, the school, community, etc. The rights and wrongs we know, or we think we know, are all influenced by something external to us. But there are times when we are faced with a decision, and what we really want seems to be the wrong thing. We take that choice anyways, wishing with all our might that we were just mistaken and that it would turn out to be the right choice after all.Some choices are made because of personal biases. We seek for something that will be of benefit to us or something that will make us happy. In this intent, there are times that we give up the other equally beneficial choice. Bottom line is, we take the choice that give us more incentive, more motivation. If you’re going to live with the choice you make, might as well choose the one that will make you happy, right?
After all, life’s no fun without taking a little risk here and there.

Make decisions. Choose to live.

Be happy. But own up to the consequences.

You decide your future, but you carry the responsibility of handling mistakes.
By independent, I don’t mean freedom to do anything and everything that we’re normally not allowed to do back home.
What I mean is that we learn to become responsible individuals that can make the right decisions not only for the better of ourselves but that of others as well. Maybe the decisions we’ve made during the trip might not be all the right ones. But those wrong choices are those that have and will make us remember what is right.
I’ve definitely had my share of wrong choices. Each choice led me to face a consequence that has in a way taught me a lesson. More often than not, we are aware of what is right from wrong. Yet the decisions we make can sometimes be the wrong ones. Maybe because somewhere inside us, we are hoping that the wrong may one day turn into something right…
Smile. Probably one of the first things we learn to do. As we grow up though, we learn that expressions can mean a lot more than what that seem. A friend introduced me to the series Lie to Me just recently. It absolutely stunned me how they can tell what people really think from the movement of facial muscles. Imagine living with someone who can tell when you’re lying or not. No secrets. Sometimes, even if you know the truth, you just have to pretend you don’t to show you still trust the other person.
It’s scary knowing you can’t hide anything. But sometimes, we need someone to know how we really feel inside. There are times we try to be strong, to be happy. But deep inside, we’re crumbling. Those times are when we need someone to break through the wall and pick us up or simply hold us and make us feel secure again.
Often times, it is difficult to let your true emotions show for fear that people will interpret it wrongly. They say Filipinos are applauded for always being happy. But is that necessarily something good? Maybe yes, smiles can make another person’s day. But no person can live a perfect life, can they? Is there such a life that exists with no pain or sadness? Smiles look good, but sometimes smiles are empty.
You smile to show you’re okay. But that’s just it. Sometimes I smile just so I don’t have to explain what’s wrong. And there are only a handful of people out there that can actually catch that missing spark to my empty smile. I don’t know what it means, but maybe (just maybe…) they’re the people I need in my life to make me realize that it’s okay to cry and break down once in awhile.
Life can get stressful, no doubt about that. We all come across problems and trials because that’s what will make us who we are. That’s how we learn and those experiences are what make us stronger. But amidst all the struggles we go through, the tears we cry and the burdens that bring us down, sometimes we just need a break from it all. I say, that’s what friends are for.
There are friends who give you advice to ease your worries, friends who just stay beside you and listen or give their shoulder for you to cry on, friends who give you words of encouragement to cheer you up, friends who mourn with you, friends who will hug you until you feel better…and then there are friends who will poke fun at you, even make a fool of themselves just to make you realize that you can laugh at your mistakes, take a break from life and just have a little of that well-deserved fun.
Life is definitely a journey. Take friends with you and make the most out of the journey. It isn’t always about the end. Sometimes, it’s the way you get to that end that matters:)
There are some things that you can never get back once you let go of…Well, there’s the more common knowledge of time, and then there’s the matter of words. Sometimes, we say things without thinking. Whether it be brought about by anger, frustration, happiness, curiosity, or simply because you just got caught up in the moment. Either way, the words you let go won’t and can never be taken back. Words – they can be sharper than any sword. So don’t say anything unless you mean it. That is, don’t say anything unless you can prove it through your actions. It’s always nice to hear promises and statements of assurance, but you’ve got to be able to live it.
How can you ever do the right thing when in the first place you don’t know what you did that’s making it wrong?

Love someone for his entirety, that includes his past, present, and future. Accept every little part of his life, because it is who he is. His present may be what you fell in love with, but his past is what made him into who you see now, and his future…well, you decide whether you want to be a part of it or not. Ang buhay, koleksyon ‘yan ng mga istorya. Kahit ano man ang gawin natin, bawat istorya may dahilan, may leksiyon na naiwan. Marahil minsan nagdulot ng sakit, pero minsan din naman may idinulot na masasayang alaala. At hindi lang naman puro pangyayari ang sasalubong sa atin. Siguro maraming pagkakataon na magisa natin hinaharap ang mga pagsubok sa buhay, pero sigurado rin namang may mga kasabay tayong kaibigan at kapamilyang nakasuporta sa atin. Higit pa roon, tiyak na marami rin tayong nakakasalubong na mga tao. Ang iba marahil dati’y dayuhan ngunit kinilala mo’t naging mabuting kaibigan din kayo o kaya’t higit pa roon. May mga taong magiging importante sayo, na gugustuhin mong ikaw rin ang pinakaimportante sa buhay niya. Nakakainggit ang mga taong nakikilala na niya ng matagal.Siyempre, ilang taon narin ang naging nakaraan nila. May karapatan silang sabihin na sila ang mas higit na nakakakilala sa kanya. At ikaw, nasa proseso ka parin na kilalanin siya. Naisip ko lang… Importante ang nakaraan natin. Iyon ang humubog sa katauhan natin ngayon, hindi ba? At kahit ano man ang gawin natin ay hindi na natin kontrolado ang parteng iyon ng buhay natin. Ano pa ang magagawa mo pero tanggapin iyo, diba? Kung nakakalungkot ang nakaraan ng mahal mo dahil di ka parte nun, dahil iniisip mo na sana ikaw yung nasa tabi niya noon. Nakakainggit nga naman na di mo naranasan ang maraming mga kaganapan sa buhay ng isa’t isa na magkasama. Pero hindi ba ang importante nga ang ngayon? Na nagkakilala kayo at kayo ngayon ang magkasama. At sa laki ng mundo, sa dami ng tao, ikaw ang pinili niyang makasama. Ikaw, walang iba. Marami man siyang inibig noon, ikaw naman ang laman ng puso niya ngayon. Siguro nga kailangan mo rin ng oras para lubusang matanggap ang buong nakaraan niya. Pero kung mahal mo nga naman siya, hindi mo ikahihiya ang kung anumang bahagi ng buhay niya at matututunan mo ring tanggapin iyon. Ang buhay nga, istorya…ibig sabihin, kayo rin may istorya. Kayong dalawa, na magkasama, hindi man kasing tagal ang pinagsamahan niyo kumpara sa ibang tao sa buhay niya, puwede rin naman kayong gumawa ng sarili niyong istorya. Huwag manatili sa nakaraan, at matutong gumawa ng sariling memorya. Dahil iyon ang magiging kasalukuyan at hinaharap. Makakasira pa ng relasyon kung lagi nalang ikumpara ang ngayon sa dati, hindi ba? Mamuhay sa kasalukuyan, huwag sa nagdaan.

I compare too much… of my life to any one else’s, of what they have to mine, of why’s and where’s and when’s and who’s.
Humans have a somewhat insatiable desire to want. We are driven by the idea that more is better – having, owning, is what makes us superior. We’ve been taught to be content with what we already have, know how to appreciate and not be greedy. But maybe sometimes it’s just out of our control, that no matter how hard we try to, we just need to accept that we can’t change everything according to our preference. It is, after all, impossible to please everyone. Someone is bound to have something negative to say or think, and it’s up to us how we take it.
I deal with things that seem worthless. I am filled with insecurities that flood my mind with thoughts that aren’t even worth my worry. It’s my weakness – over-thinking, and I have to deal with it every waking minute of my life.
Somehow, I get through. It takes a lot of effort, and a lot of reassurance of course. But I get through. I’m still learning, and it’s not that easy. Maybe one day, I’ll learn to be more care-free, take things as they are, just sit back and enjoy the ride that is my life.

I used to be someone who could give advice, the friend who can always lend a listening ear and give out well-needed hugs. I was never short of giving support and words of encouragement. If a friend was in need, or even if they weren’t, I was just there – always there. Yes, I was protective (maybe even overly protective) of the people that mattered to me. I go all out to make them feel that I cared.
Maybe at one point, I gave up.
It’s tiring to always be the one chasing, reaching, and trying. No one knew that behind that strong front, I was crumbling. No one saw that slowly, I was letting go of something I’ve been holding on to so dearly.
I’ve been hurt, and I’ve become numb – ignorant, maybe.
I never really thought of it this way, really. But it just came to me earlier today. Yesterday reminded me of who I used to be. I guess I’ve drifted away from the people I used to protect, the friends I cared for, thinking that they don’t need me. I admit that I felt unappreciated, maybe even unwanted. But I guess despite everything, I’d still be there for them if they needed me.
Doesn’t matter that they only remember me when they need something. Doesn’t matter that we don’t regularly talk. Doesn’t matter that I’m not the first one they think of when they’re happy or sad. What matters to me is that they know that when they run out of people to find comfort in during their times of need, that they’d know that they still have me.
When I think of what happened in between then and now – why the distance between us grew, and why I gave up – I think of me being selfish. There came a point in my life that I just had to be. This time, I was the one who needed someone who would be protective of me, who could be there for me.
But I’ve learned that it’s ok to show that I’m weak, not always having to put up a tough front. I’ve learned that I can still be that person I used to be, knowing that my friends still need me; yet I can be a person in need of someone to crash on to as well. I can be strong, yet weak at the same time.
Right now, I feel like I’m falling back to the person who I “used to be.”

How do you face a past so brutal? Each person has his share of stories to tell, of secrets to keep. Some find the need to face their past for them to be able to move on – make peace with the past, they say. After all, whatever mistakes we made should serve to be a lesson learned. On the contrary, some find it better to ‘forget’ the past and pretend as if nothing happened. Is that even possible? The past will, at some point or another, come up and remind you of it, right? But is it really of necessity to face the past and let it restrict us or make us feel bad? True you must learn from it and eventually learn to accept that it already happened, only leaving you to move on and make better choices in the future. But what if you can’t? What if you don’t have the courage or will power to stand up again, and you’ve just let yourself drown in your past? The Japanese colonized the Philippines, putting the Philippine people through so much torment and trauma. That made history, and continues to be – both of Japan and the Philippine islands. But how is it that this particular event in history has lost it’s way into present Japanese history books? Why do they keep such things being taught in schools. Japan is far from what their image was before. It is now a country of so much discipline and respect and we can’t really associate them to the Japanese who colonized our country anymore. But is it right to hide its history from its people? True, it might be embarrassing and doesn’t hold true anymore but it nevertheless was and still is a part of Japan isn’t it? If there was a part of your life so personal, so embarrassing and simply wrong; if there was something you regret so much but can’t get back; if there’s someone who hurt you so much but pretended as if nothing happened; if there was an incident you so much want to delete from your memory and erase in your life…what would you do? Would you even have a choice? You can try so hard as to pretend everything is okay, that nothing is bothering you. And sometimes you repeat it so much you start believing it, but there are times where you’re just haunted by that memory again – like a recurring nightmare you want to wake up from, that no matter how hard you try to stay awake, you’ll have a lapse of time even a few seconds where you drift into sleep and find yourself stuck in that horrible nightmare again. We like keeping things to ourselves that we feel ashamed of, that we think might change how people see us. But sometimes, what we need might me someone to pull us out of our nightmares, to be there when we can’t dream, to hold us when we just can’t seem to stop falling, or to simply remind us that we are already in the present – that reality can be completely different from what our subconscious mind creates for us.
It has become a common saying that experiences mold us into who we are. But sometimes, these experiences mean nothing, irrelevant so to say. Throughout our lifetime, we come across events that can change our life – through perspective, goals, values, personality, and other aspects of who we are. But sometimes, the influence for our change and growth does not lie much on the question of what but on who. An encounter with the other changes us, no matter who it is whether good or bad. People teach us things through their actions and speech. Sometimes even through their life. Whether we intend to or not, we affect the people around us as well. We never know who or why or when or how, but it happens. We have to deal with things we don’t understand, take what’s given. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have a say in things. We have free will, right? We can direct our life. We can even control, to some extent, the impact we have on others. Maybe it might not be that evident as to why things happen, but we still have the power to correct it if it’s wrong. Bottom line, what we do affects not only us but also the people around us. So be mindful of all your actions. If a smile can give a stranger hope, the same way your life can influence a stranger as well (what more someone who knows you).

We go through the day anticipating the end, wanting everything that needs to be done be accomplished already. More often than not, our days go by quickly as we busy ourselves with work. Throughout the day, if it’s quite eventful, you wouldn’t really stop to think about what’s really going on beyond what you are currently focused on. Emotions set aside, feelings left untouched unless necessary.
But at the end of the day, that moment where you can say “I’m done for the day.” that moment where you can finally relax, you find yourself back to who you are – your thoughts, emotions, feelings. There are thoughts that are necessary, the type that’s retrospective, making things clearer and make more sense. But some thoughts, well, they just eat you up.
Over-thinking ruins things, I know. It has been my weakness, something I’ve been trying so hard to avoid. But it’s difficult. You want to live life careless, but it shouldn’t hurt to think realistically. I guess there’s that fine line between being cautious and over-thinking; and that’s something I continuously need to work on. Maybe that’s why we have friends, too. We need people to talk to, balance our own biases out.
Personally, I find it so difficult to share personal matters to even my closest friends. I try to – it hasn’t been easy, but those times that I did made me feel better. It’s a risk for me to open up; it’s simply something I’m not used to. Maybe someday I’ll learn to trust more easily, but for now, I’m working on it.
Also for now, I have those few minutes before I fall asleep that I let my thoughts consume me. Whether with thoughts of happiness, fear, frustration, or confusion, that is the moment I feel most vulnerable. Because I know that I’m left alone, and it’s up to me how I handle my own emotions.

We’ve grown accustomed to having norms and standards set by society. If you oppose these certain rules, you are either ridiculed, ostracized, or even punished.
Rules are okay. They set limits that protect people from certain things. But sometimes, there are rules that restrict you too much and keep you from becoming who you really want to be.
Either you conform to what others expect you to be, or you follow what you personally desire to be. I say: sometimes, it’s okay to go against them. Isn’t it much the same how peer pressure works? If you go with what they tell you to do, then you’re giving in to that peer pressure. You give up on what you believe in. It’s just you going with the flow, afraid to be criticized. We are all afraid. And sometimes, we just need a little push to give us courage to fight for what we believe in, for what we want and for what makes us truly happy.
It’s different how you do things that you have to do and what you want to do. When what you do is what makes you happy, no matter how difficult or tiring or stressful it may be, you will always find a sense of accomplishment; and at the end of the day, you won’t even feel tired at all. Sometimes we just have to go for that one thing that can make us happy even if it means going against society – against the norms. It’s just that with that, there might be more expectations from others. They might disapprove of what you do, and they might not support you with it. But if that’s what you really want, then you should just do your best and prove them wrong. Show them you can, and show them that sometimes, it is indeed worthwhile to go out of the way and take a risk.