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On Going Home by Joan Didion

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In her essay, “On going home”, Joan Didion expresses a profound sense of reminiscence for her family home in Central Valley of California where she goes to celebrate her daughter’s birthday. In the very beginning of her essay, Didion makes a simple yet complex distinction between her house in Los Angeles where she lives with her husband and her baby and her house in Central Valley where her family lives. Didion’s use of negative diction, especially the word “troublesome”, suggests that she feels unsettled at her family home. She accepts the disconcerting fact that once with her family, she falls into their “difficult”, “oblique” and “deliberately inarticulate” ways which make her husband uneasy. She sees this intimate attachment with her family as a “burden” not because of fights or differences, but because it took her almost thirty years before she could talk to her family on the telephone without crying after she hung up. This is when Didion introduces beautifully, the internal conflict she faces, “the nameless anxiety” that “colors the emotional charges” between herself and the place she comes from. Further, Didion illustrates how she walks around every turn and every corner in the house, from room to room, opening drawers and finding objects from her childhood. As days pass, Didion fears her husband’s phone call, for she might soon be asked about her whereabouts, almost forcing her to drive to nearby cities. Instead, she visits her family graveyard which is now vandalized and weather beaten, drives to the ranch by the foothills with her father and decides to meet her great-aunts and recall memories. Finally, when Didion kneels besides her daughter on her birthday, she reflects on her wishes- that she would like to promise her daughter the sense of rivers, cousins and her great-grandmother’s teacups, for her daughter to know what it truly means to be “home”. But Didion knows that times are different now and all that she can promise her daughter is a xylophone, a sundress from Madeira and a funny story.

Works Cited
Didion, Joan. “On Going Home.” The Beacon Book of Essays by Contemporary American Women. Ed. Wendy Martin. Boston: Beacon, 1996. 3-5. Print.

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